Is my friend Jealous?

Lately, I feel like my friend has been really mean to me and I'm not sure why, but it felt like she might be jealous.  She always has a crush on some guy and "knows" for a fact he likes her, so she obsesses and talk to me about him nonstop, but if I even bring up a guy or some relationship problem, I get cut off and the conversation gets moved back to her.  She absolutely HATES it when I get attention from guys, and says something like," Oh, they didn't flirt with me because they're just pervs and like your chest." She knows I'm insecure about my boobs because they're big for my height and age, but she continues to tease me. A new girl that we became friends with was getting close to me, so she swoops in and is trying to be her new best friend.  She'll tell me all the secrets of the new friend so she can rub it in that the new friend didn't tell me them, and said she didn't trust me.

 Last night she wouldn't stop calling and when I finally answered all she did was talk about her going over to the new friends house this weekend, and that the new friend was coming over next weekend.  Once we stopped talking I couldn't stop crying because she was leaving me out and being so cruel. There's been so much else like a junior at our school likes me, and she and the new girl say,"Oh he can't like a freshman, he must be a creeper."

I've just been feeling like crap because of her so I wanted some advice to see how to handle it, and to figure out if I'm just being stupid in thinking she'd jealous. Thanks in advance

Hi,

Well it most certainly does sound like she's jealous. 

There are few things you need to look at tho.  Why are you insecure about your breasts?  Regardless of their size, they are yours and trust me - size doesnt matter, they'll have their moment of fame whether small or xlarge.

If you have bigger breast than most your age, then I would embrace it.  Curves are always in style. 

In regards to the new friend... I wouldn't be bothered with her - your old friend is spilling all her beans to you - how secret can they be?  Does the new girl know that your bestie is dishing to you all the juicy details?  I'm sure she wouldnt appreciate that at all.  Not only that, I would be afraid that your bestie is dishing all your details to anyone that barks.

Watch your back with your bestie - chances are she wouldnt be your friend if she knew how much she was hurting you.

Oh, and that Junior... there's nothing creepy about a boy two or three years older than you paying attention to you... that's normal... attraction is attraction whether chemical or hormonal.  If he thinks you're pretty he'll think that whether you're a senior, a junior, or whatever.

Now, if he was 20 and trying to date you - then I'd be worried.

As it is, a little attention from a Junior isnt all that bad.  They're just giving you a hard time about it.  Don't be surprised if your bestie all of a sudden has a crush on him.

Okay - as a woman and mom - it's time for one of life's SUCKY lessons.  Your "bestie" is not a friend, she is what's known as a "FRIENEMY".  Is she jealous?  Absolutely.  She is insecure and is "projecting" onto you, you poor thing.  My advice, handle her with care (frienemies can be extremely wicked).  You need to distance yourself from her - get out of her realm.  DO IT SLOWLY.  Do not raise her suspicions.  Work on some believable excuses as to why you can't hang out.  Believe me, I know what I'm talking about.

I agree!

Originally Posted by Surf City Girl /img/forum/go_quote.gif

..... she is what's known as a "FRIENEMY". ... My advice, handle her with care (frienemies can be extremely wicked).  You need to distance yourself from her - get out of her realm.  DO IT SLOWLY.  Do not raise her suspicions.  Work on some believable excuses as to why you can't hang out....

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Thanks to both of you  I'm through letting her make me feel bad. I'm going to call her out next time she tries any crap, and if she doesn't change she's getting booted out of my life for good. Time for a friend refresh.~

OOOhhh - please let me advise against "calling her out on her crap".  Is it crap?  YES.  Does that suck? YES.  But sometimes reaction such as this causes more bad than good.  Make sense?  Take the high road.  Always!  Just get away and stay away, quietly.  Karma has a way of working things like this out for us better than we ever coud have imagined.  Trust and Believe!!! /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> 

Unless you are willing to do battle, let the friendship die of starvation and neglect but not from injury.  Your frienemy is not going to go down quietly especially if she has some of your secrets. 
 

Originally Posted by retrofashion /img/forum/go_quote.gif

Thanks to both of you

 I'm through letting her make me feel bad. I'm going to call her out next time she tries any crap, and if she doesn't change she's getting booted out of my life for good. Time for a friend refresh.~

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Originally Posted by divadoll /img/forum/go_quote.gif
Unless you are willing to do battle, let the friendship die of starvation and neglect but not from injury.  Your frienemy is not going to go down quietly especially if she has some of your secrets. 

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This and what many other posters previous said is SO right.  Slowly distance yourself, that way there isn't the inevitable big blowup, which still may occur.  DO not share any information with her that you don't want made public.  The comments about your boobs and who likes you are just the tip of the iceberg; think about the crap she says about you when you aren't there!  

BTW - That guy is not a creeper just because he's two years older, that's a stupid assumption on her part.  Most likely she's insecure about a lot more stuff than you are, so she stabs and twists the knife on stuff that she knows you're insecure about(like your chest).

I agree with the advice you've been given here.  If you confront her and make a big scene she will make you regret it.  She's not really your friend now as she doesn't treat you the way a friend should.  You've already seen a vicious side of her, now imagine that viciousness full blown and directed right at you.  I also feel you should just start backing out slowly, make some new friends and DEFINATELY give that Junior your phone number!!! ;0)

oh... if you like Junior, you can ask him if he wants to meet up at the mall or mcdonalds or something after school.  

It took me a long time to realized that I had a frienemy among my friends... and I paid dearly for it. Take my advice and cut your losses as quickly (and naturally) as possible... The heart can only take so much...

*hugs to you* I've been in similar situations and oh do I remember how hard high school was for me as someone who was very insecure about myself. Its difficult to have those sort of "friends" in life. I learned, as many have said, to cut my losses and move on. When similar issues happened to me my "friend" decided to go around behind my back and spread vicious lies ("she doesn't care about anyone but herself" "she said blah blah about so and so" "she thinks she's too good to hang out with so and so") and sadly most people believed these things, I was left without anyone. However it taught me to place more emphasis on who I bestow my trust on. I hope that things go better for you in regards to this person. Just keep your head up. /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

This definitely sounds like it is being fueled by jealousy. I'm going through a similar situation with my 'bestie' at the moment because all her boyfriends have left her because they like me better (I've never taken up with any of them though, or lead them on in any way, I'm too loyal to my friends for that). And now she's treating me like dirt.

As everyone else who has posted has said, she's jealous and the best way to handle this is to be subtle when backing out of your friendship.

If you do ever feel bad about this just talk to me about it I completely understand, I'm 16 and I've lost 98% of my friends during freshmen year because of drama. It's stupid and pointless and I do suggest staying quiet because girls know how to get payback. Sometimes I regret that decision so much but then I look back and I realize that I wouldn't want to change a thing in the world because now I'm a better person because of it. Everything you go through only makes you stronger, remember that! /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

A real friend never do anything that hurt you. so you just give her a liitle time and test whether she treats you the way like a good friend. do not anything that hurt her or you!

I have the opposite problem- I have like the smallest chest ever and totally hate it. You friend is jealous. She's trying to convince herself that guys are only liking you for your chest. She's trying to prove that she can get friends too, yet she is blind to how you are feeling. And it's okay if a junior likes you- my boyfriend is a sophomore and I'm a freshman. It's totally fine! I hope you solve your problem!