Alright Ms. Tasha, I'm going to give you some real world advice, from a woman who had her first at 15. I'm 24 now, married, working on a second bachelors degree. Need more insight? Came from an abusive home, drugs from age 8, ed, and not-so-financially-great parents. I'm only going to address your concern about him being involved- you can decide how hard you want your life to be (Luckily your situation seems better than mine was!)
My first child's father was my first real bf, but when I got pregnant I wasn't really with him. I was between guys. Y'know, cause I didn't care about my life at all. I would've been happy to die, my home life was that bad. Anywho, he actually expressed interest in the child...but wanted to be with me too. I couldn't stand him at that point. Even though he said he "wanted" to be in her life, he really made no attempt to grow up. (He is 2 yrs older than me, btw) Know what? He still doesn't. Wanna know what happened after the baby was born? He fled the goddamned state. For 5.5 years. No one knew where he was...he had nothing to his name, etc. He just vanished into the oil fields somewhere (apparently). His mom filled me in when he came back to TX, and I notified the child support people who had my case open on him for years. Got him into court so fast, it was amazing. He had the audacity to say, when the mediator said he had to have supervised visitation because the child didn't even know who he was, "But I'm a GOOD dad!" And then, when the mediator told him he was liable for four years worth of Child support based on minimum wage and owed around $12,000, he proclaimed, like the dumbfuck he is, "Well...I don't know, that sounds like a lot of money..." What the mediator said, "Sir, children cost a lot of money. You'd know that had you been involved." In the mediation, I literally had to say maybe a yes and a no, nothing else, since the dunce made himself out to show his intelligence.
In my opinion, you should do what I did (do):
-Leave the lines of communication open. If he wants to be a part of the baby's life, let him, assuming there is no history of drugs or violence that should make you scared for the baby's well-being. If there is a safety issue, get it worked out legally.
-Open a child support case. I don't care if money's not an issue (Keep in mind it's not your money...you're parent's shouldn't have to pay for your child once you can manage a job, imo.) Opening a case gets everything in order- he needs to be responsible monetarily for this baby when he can get a job. Know what else setting up child support does? It establishes paternity and visitation rights...just in case you two start to not get along so well, everything is set in stone legally. Although I am speaking from a US point of view, I don't know where you are. If you are in the US, a lot of states are requiring child support be set up to use Medicaid. Either way, if he isn't going to be there physically, the least he should have to do is provide some monetarily. I know a lot of young moms are like, "I don't NEED/WANT his money...I'm not in it for the money!" Fine- you don't need the money for diapers and the like? Set up a god damned college fund with it. I hate hearing people say that stuff, obviously.
-Know that you can't make him be a dad, and accept that he may very well fall into the "deadbeat daddy." It's his fault, his choice- so don't be too hard on yourself. If you're going to accept being a young mother like this, you need to understand that most times the child-father can't be relied upon, and you will have to be mom and dad. Upon accepting a child so young- you HAVE to come to terms that you will likely be alone in the endeavor, but at least it sounds like you have family support. So this "I can't do it alone" mentality has got to stop, sorry if it sounds harsh, but if you're going to succeed, you have to change that mentality.
-Even if he never comes around to being a dad, do not speak ill of him in front of your child. That does nothing but hurt what relationship he could establish at a later date and it hurts your child mentally. I know you may not be at that point where you think ill of him...but if he keeps on like this, you will. Trust me- a few nights of dealing with a screaming newborn alone at 3AM while you're in pain from just giving birth will be the start of some really hateful thoughts towards the absent party. If he never comes around, the child will form an opinion for his/herself, and you'll have to be there to comfort and help the child understand that it's not their fault. This is a very trying subject when they are older, and you'll have to be woman enough to bite your tongue and not paint a horrible picture of the guy.
And here's a tip for yourself- Yeah, you're going to be judged for a long, long time. Possibly forever. But it doesn't matter. You have to build yourself up and realize your worth, the child's worth and what steps you must take to prove that you're not some stupid airhead teen mom and to give that child the best life you can. You want to finish high school? Do it. I graduated a year early- for the scholarship money and cause I hated the place. You want a college education? Go get it. I've almost got my second degree. I finished my first bachelor's in 2010. I had to work 3 jobs at one point, but I did it. YOU have to prove them wrong, and you have to want it, because it. is. hard.
The point of the comparisons? I want you to realize your blessings (for lack of a better word, I'm not religious) and realize that if someone coming from such a crappy background can accomplish these things, then you can too- with a LOT of hard work.
And I hope my advice/insight will help you some. I've been where you are, so I hope that maybe you'll trust it. Good luck young lady. I hope he comes around to his baby.
/emoticons/
