My friend is having an affair

I think I may have lost her friendship over this. I tried to stay out of it for the sake of our friendship but when she asked my opinion I couldn't lie. She has been with her husband since high school and they have two children. She met this man who is obviously totally using her. He tells her how beautiful his wife is and how much he loves her and that he will never leave her. Yet he is having an affair with my friend. This cannot possibly end well for my friend. She has had mental health problems in the past and I'm sure she is going to end up in hospital if this carries on. She has lost her mind over this man and I don't know how to help her. I asked her to think of how this will hurt her children and her husband but she does not want to hear it.

We used to phone each other every day and meet up about once a week. The last two times I saw her I arranged it and the last time we met up she spent most of the time we were together speaking to HIM on her cell phone.She has not even texted me for at least three weeks now. I've been having some problems myself lately and when I told her she said "I wish my problems were that simple". This hurt me so much. We have always supported each other in the past. Its like this man has taken over her life and her mind.

I'm scared to even contact her because I don't know how to speak to her anymore. Has anyone had a similar experience? I hate this man for taking my friend from me.

Hi jaybe. About 8 years ago I found myself in a similar situation to you.

I saw my friend slowly get caught up with this loser - a real slime ball.

And my friend was married and had 2 teenage boys.

I 'll keep the story short. After 3 months, she left her husband/children for him.

But he had warrants and ended up in jail for several months.

After 3-4 months, she ended things with the loser, but didn't go back to her family either.

The best way I coped with my friend's behaviour was blocking it out.

I told her that I didn't want to hear about the loser.

I told her I didn't support her behaviour but that I did care about our friendship.

So when we got together, I would not let her talk about him. Periodically, I had questions, which she answered, but then we didn't talk about him anymore.

Your friend is drawing you into her affair. If her husband finds out, he will be furious with you for not telling him. And the kids may be angry with you as well.

For at least a year, my friend's family thought I tried to break up their family because I knew about the affair. It took along time to regain their trust.

Your friend is a big girl. And she knows there are consequences to her actions.

Affairs usually end poorly. Be there for her when it ends, but do not enable her while she is still with her fling.

Hope my info helps.

If the whole situation is interfering with the friendship that much, you might as well consider the friendship over. It is an ugly situation, and you should not in any way be involved. If the friendship is worth saving, and it's possible to get through it without her "situation" coming up, then try to save the friendship. I have never been in this situation (and hope I never will be), but I would say for now lay low, and let her make her own mistakes.

I have to totally agree with cyw1. Do not be a part of it(affair). Just be there for her when she gets burned. Trust me she will. Men like that 9 times out of 10 stay with their wives. They want their cake & eat it too. I had a friend who was faithful and everything to her husband, but he CHEATED on her. She would put him out & take him back. Each time she took him back guess what...he ended up cheating again. One day, she finally woke up and smelled the coffee. She got a divorce. I think she kept taking him back b/c she felt guilty like it was her fault that he was cheating(a man is going to do whatever they want to do, no matter how good they have it at home). Needless to say, he wants her back. I can truly say she has meet someone that is very good to her. I was there for her when she needed me. Hope this helps you.

I have to be honest I've been in this situation with bf's. Yes, I know its not as bad as husbands. I was dating my exbf and this other guy at the same time even though he had a gf. I liked him so much and it was getting real "deep" and well, sexual. The way my bf was treating me at the time didn't help the situation.

Well I think you know were this is going, sooner or later her husband is going to find out. I think you should try to do just one last attempt to sit with her and talk to her seriously about the situation. If she dosen't want to hear it, then just leave her alone and let her deal with it and cope with the consequences.

The only I can say is to be there for her. You may not support what she's doing, but she needs you more than she'll ever know.

Thanks for all your responses. I don't think I'll contact my friend just yet. I still feel angry and upset from our last meeting. I don't expect that she will contact me.

Her husband did find out about her affair before Christmas but she convinced him they were just friends and that she wouldn't see the man anymore. I'm sure in his heart her husband must know what's going on. Its just a matter of time before he decides to face the truth. He would only need to see them together to know they are not just friends and he would know where to find them together if he wanted to know for sure.

My bf thinks I should just stay clear but be there for her if she contacts me. I really miss her but she isn't the same person she was before. This man is all she thinks about day and night. I feel so sorry for her kids. They must have noticed she's acting weird. I told her this but she's so in denial. She knows this man won't leave his wife for her but she says she's just enjoying it for what it is. I think she's lying to herself. She seems really unhappy to me. Maybe she's just getting a buzz from the excitement of being with someone new and the possibility of getting caught. I don't know. The lying and betrayal is so out of character for her. She is usually a kind thoughtful generous person.

ugh. I have a friend like this. She is in a really bad relationship. Her boyfriend takes a lot of drugs, his brother and his friends are verbally abusive and rude to her, she has extremely low self esteem and puts up with her boyfriend's behaviour all the time. She tells me ALL THE TIME about how upset she is over her bf's actions, but then refuses to do anything about it. It gets to the point where you just don't want to hear about her problems because you realise that she will never ever change, and it hurts to see her get screwed over.

There is nothing you can do for her. If she doesn't want your friendship right now (because she knows that you are in the right and doesn't want to see it) Then I would suggest that you leave it. Don't chase her. When she gets burnt, she will come to you with her sob story. People like this always do.

I know I sound negative but this kind of person doesn't want to hear the truth. I'm sorry that you feel like you've lost your friend, I know exactly how it feels. You said in your post, that you hate the man she is having an affair with for taking your friend away, but I think you have to blame your friend for letting herself be taken away. I know it's hard but I think you should back off and leave her be. I think you're really sweet for worrying about her. If she truly is generous and kind like you say, then when this man ditches her, she will come to you and maybe even appologise. She won't see the light til then. Good luck!

:madd: Pinksugar you are right!! I am sick of hearing about him and trying to be tactful - telling her what I think while trying not to hurt her feelings too much. I'm also so annoyed that she said my problems are simple. My problems are unavoidable and not my fault, relating to career and money. Her problem is simple. Stop seeing this man. End of problem.:banghead:

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to vent! LOL

i think you should be there for her and not get emotionally involved in her relationships but at the same time be very honest about your feelings about your concerns with your friendship and how her affair is affecting it and you feel hurt and feel her new love intrest is takeing your friend away..

if she is pushing you away it may be because right now she doesnt want someone telling her what they think she should do and makeing her feel guilty, she may just need a friend to love her where shes at no matter what she is going through.

:dito: