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Don't feel pretty anymore?


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17 replies to this topic

#Post 1 of 18 OFFLINE   macface

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Posted 16 July 2007 - 02:14 AM

Ok at first when I met my boyfriend he always used to compliment me on everything on what I wear to my makeup and perfume.now he doesnt. when ever I wear perfume he tell me it stinks and when ever I feel pretty sometimes I wait to see if he will say something.I have talked to him about it and he told me he loves me and is just that we have been together for a while that he feel comtroble with me enogh so he could be himself now.I just like been complimented on my looks from myb boyfriend.

#Post 2 of 18 OFFLINE   Savvy_lover

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Posted 16 July 2007 - 02:18 AM

what ? ne himself? what ? so he wasnt himself?

#Post 3 of 18 OFFLINE   SimplyElegant

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Posted 16 July 2007 - 02:23 AM

Maybe tell him that it makes you feel good to get sincere compliments from time to time. Just because you've been together for awhile doesn't mean that they should all of a sudden stop.

#Post 4 of 18 OFFLINE   Dragonfly

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Posted 16 July 2007 - 07:36 PM

I agree with Simply Elegant.
Let him know that you want to be complemented when you put effort into your appearance. Tell him that it is important to you.
Remind him that you don't want to take each other for granted, and to always tell each other how special you are to each other.


If all else fails, let yourself go for a few dates and see if that doesn't get a reaction from him.

#Post 5 of 18 OFFLINE   jdepp_84

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Posted 16 July 2007 - 07:40 PM

I agree, just let him know that you want him to tell you what he thinks of you, it dosen't have to be 24/7, but rather from time to time maybe. Maybe he just thinks that you know that he thinks your gorgeous and dosen't have to tell you anymore, but tell him you want him too.
"Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up."

#Post 6 of 18 OFFLINE   pinksugar

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Posted 17 July 2007 - 06:57 AM

haha, yeah I agree with Caro - wouldn't it be funny if you dressed REALLY dagily and said, well now that you feel comfortable with me - it makes me feel a lot more comfortable with you. So from now on I'm dressing like this and I wont wear make up around you - thats how COMFORTABLE I am.

Maybe a few compliments wont be so hard for him then, LOL.

Good luck chicken!
 

 


#Post 7 of 18 OFFLINE   La_Mari

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Posted 17 July 2007 - 02:14 PM

I know how you feel, I've only been with my husband for 2 years but after a few months, I wasn't getting ANY compliments anymore. Every few minutes he used to tell me I had really nice eyes and that he was so lucky.... then I got NOTHING for like 8 months, and then I started getting those compliments again.
Try looking different. I didn't wear my hair down for those 8 months because it was too short and I felt disgusting. Then I started wearing it down and emailing him pix to Iraq, and all the compliments were awesome. Now, since I work during the week, I always have my hair up until the weekend when I go all out on getting ready, and he loves it. If he saw me with my hair down everyday, it would probably get old and boring to him, so I'm glad I have the choice. Maybe you could dye your hair or get a new glamorous haircut? Or just pamper yourself and not care what he says anymore, as long as you're happy inside.

#Post 8 of 18 OFFLINE   SierraWren

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Posted 17 July 2007 - 04:53 PM

How long have you been together? I'm curious b/c I read an article once where it said that, typically, compliments from the man in a relationship tend to drop off after the relationship has been stable and exclusive for only about 3-5 months,or less--even vanishing altogether! As bad as that sounds, from my own experience and what I've heard from other women, it's also true. It is extremely hurtful to feel unnoticed and physically unappreciated by your partner, the person who you want to please--in every way, of course including our looks!--most in the world.And if he knew how much,how badly he was hurting you, I truly doubt your boyfriend would want to be doing so!Men can just be sort of slow to understand things sometimes, esp. how essential verbal communication is to us.Like one of the girls here already wrote, your boyfriend by now probably just assumes you KNOW you're gorgeous, and that you know he knows it, so what good does it do to have to repeat it(in his opinion)? Of course, it does a LOT of good--as we women know!--but men are not "natural" complimenters, usually. They tend to prefer actions to words(i.e. rather than say "I love you",many would prefer a woman just "know it" by the fact he is with her, or a nice thing that he does).It can feel as if he almost "uses up" his resources of compliments at the start of a relationship, and by 3 months time or so, when he has no new ones to say, often will stop giving compliments altogether, b/c, in his opinion, he has "already given them all."Women often really desire to be reassured about looking good to their partners on at least a weekly, sometimes daily, basis,it's part of what makes them feel loved, but to a man, if it isn't spontaneous, no matter how beautiful they find their partner still, giving a compliment b/c their partner wants to hear it can feel like work or a requirement to them, often making some even a little resentful.(If he isn't looking/lusting after other girls, if you are the center of his life, a man feels you should KNOW he finds you beautiful on every possible level. But when you dress up special to look extra nice, and it isn't verbally noted by him, you can feel downright overlooked, or ignored. I know about this: I have been married 7 years! There is a huge gap in the spoken and unspoken language of men; there are many,many things--often complimentary,to you--that they simply are gradually less comfortable telling you on a regular basis. But I think for women, communication is CENTRAL to love, so if a man does a thing like stops complimenting us, we feel the problem runs deeper, and might even be with the relationship itself.IMO,though, it's actually just a normal part of a relationship's progression, which can be dealt with and cleared up. So first, don't worry!
As the girls above me have said, there are definitely things you can do to make a translation of your need for reassurance easier for your boyfriend to understand.Like they said:First try and talk to him,tell him how unappreciated and downright bad his lack of compliments is making you feel.Most men are not,themselves, reassurance or compliment seekers,not actively,but when you dress up nicely for him and take time and care to look your best, you can pretty much know that he DOES know it's for him, and DOES appreciate being the center of your attention in such a way: it's a way in which you help to reassure HIS ego, whether you plan to or not. And Carolyn is absolutely right: if you were to take a week or two "off" of looking good, he would probably take it very personallyn top of finding it less attractive than usual, he would wonder why you weren't caring for yourself (and his ego) in the same way, imagining it reflected a loss of interest in HIM. If talking doesn't work,I think you should try that approach out. My husband told me once, about my feeling unappreciated(it had to do,this time,with my "improved" cooking) "Just b/c I'm not saying something about you, doesn't mean I'm not thinking it."
Did your boyfriend give you lots of compliments before?If so, then the absence must be especially hurtful.Maybe(I tried this once, and it worked)you could plan a romantic, special evening together, where you meet at a restaurant or on the beach, arriving separately, so it is more in the spirit of a first date. If you dress as stunningly as you have been, in another setting, it might strike him even more than it already has been doing,and,if you've spoken to him about it, he might remember to compliment you this time, and recall to keep doing so,more, for a time after.
One last thing: It sounds like you like to dress up nicely, which is great, because in the end(or beginning,or whatever!)we all dress for ourselves, for how we feel:a way of taking care of ourselves. Just don't forget to appreciate all the wonderful qualities that your boyfriend, right now, is not bringing up;don't neglect or lose sight, yourself, of any of the gifts you've been given.

#Post 9 of 18 OFFLINE   jewele

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Posted 17 July 2007 - 05:26 PM

Are you complimenting him as much as you want him to compliment you? I think the "Golden Rule" applies here, 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'. Maybe if you start initiating the behaviour you want he will catch on. This trick works with my BF.

SierraWren you are always full of good advice!!!
JEWELE

#Post 10 of 18 OFFLINE   missnadia

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Posted 17 July 2007 - 07:11 PM

I agree with everybody above.. I think that men tend to get used to us and our beauty, for them it becomes normal.. I think you should just tell him (without being demanding) that you'd like some compliments from time to time. If he doesn't react within a couple of weeks, remind him again, gently.. Eventually he'll get it.. Try not to throw a fit over it, he won't react well.

Sometimes if I really make an effort to look nice and he doesn't say anything, I just go "Soooooo do you like my new shoes? What about my hair?", then he'll say yeah true it's pretty nice I didn't notice..

#Post 11 of 18 OFFLINE   ~~Y@Ri~~

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Posted 09 August 2007 - 03:48 PM

I understand where you are coming from because when I would get fixed up and feeling pretty I wouldnt get any reaction from him at all and it sucks to feel that way. I brought it to his attention and I expressed to him that I was feeling very unwanted and unattractive for that matter. You have to let him know how you feel because in his mind he probably thinks nothing of it and that everything is ok. Man sometimes forget that a woman has many emotional needs that they constantly need to keep up with. Good luck!

#Post 12 of 18 OFFLINE   farris2

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Posted 10 August 2007 - 01:01 AM

My husband is pretty good.He always knows what to say and when to say it. We have been together 3 years.

#Post 13 of 18 OFFLINE   MindySue

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Posted 10 August 2007 - 01:07 AM

I agree with farris except with my boyfriend, not to rub it in or anything..i just feel lucky! of course sometimes i dont get the compliment i was looking for, but thats okay..lol.

#Post 14 of 18 OFFLINE   kittykupkake

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Posted 17 August 2007 - 12:28 AM

I used to get upset if I made myself look nice and I didn't get compliments. But I've realized that a man's mind is SO completely different from a woman's!! They're still with us, so obviously they think we're gorgeous, but they just don't feel the need to compliment all the time. My bf told me the other day (when i brought up the lack of compliments) that i'm gorgeous to him all the time, so it would be stupid to compliment all the time. I have to say that would get annoying if he did that, and now that the compliments aren't a lot, it means a ton when he does say something (when I know he loves the way I look all the time). KWIM?

#Post 15 of 18 OFFLINE   enyadoresme

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Posted 26 August 2007 - 04:54 PM

yeah i don't like when that happens either
A lot of people could use one of these.

#Post 16 of 18 OFFLINE   la_chinita

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Posted 26 August 2007 - 05:08 PM

I agree with what everyone said. Sadly, this happened to me (it still is), but trust me, if you change your look a little or do something different or daring with your hair or makeup, HE WILL NOTICE!! When I got more into makeup recently, I started trying colors that I wouldn't normally wear and dyed my hair a daring blonde in the front, something I would have never thought I would do. I was always a subtle kind of girl, highlights here and there...that was it. To my surprise, he really started complementing me again. He even notices the e/s colors I was wearing and he says his new fave was my green/gold combo!!! Never in our relationship have I gotten a complement with e/s!!

So maybe try something new with your makeup or hair, or try switching up your style a bit. And when other guys notice you, try to flirt a little (not too much), but just so he can see that other guys appreciate you. In long term relationships, couples tend to forget how other people see their partners because they've been together for so long. Also, like others have already said, try pampering yourself. Buy that makeup you've been wanting, get a facial, a massage, get your nails done, try a new hobby...anything that makes YOU feel good. When you're happy inside, it really radiates out and he will notice just how different (in a good way) you are and he'll start complementing you again.

If you've already talked to him about him not giving you complements anymore, try not to bring it up again. You don't want him to think you NEED him to reassure you all the time for you to be happy. That might just push him away even more and make him feel pressured to give you complements and they may start coming again but in an insincere way. Just be positive, pamper yourself, change your style a bit, and be confident that if he's still with you he obviously WANTS to be with you and not anyone else!

#Post 17 of 18 OFFLINE   han

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Posted 26 August 2007 - 05:10 PM

Originally Posted by Savvy_lover View Post
what ? ne himself? what ? so he wasnt himself?


Originally Posted by jewele View Post
Are you complimenting him as much as you want him to compliment you? I think the "Golden Rule" applies here, 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'. Maybe if you start initiating the behaviour you want he will catch on. This trick works with my BF.

SierraWren you are always full of good advice!!!
so true^^ i always compliment my s.o and get it in return, although there are times when i dont want to be notice, like if i buy something new he always notice

#Post 18 of 18 OFFLINE   Lip_Gloss

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Posted 26 August 2007 - 05:22 PM

This happends to most couple..Guys get comfortable...& besides you shouldn't need someone telling you that your beautiful to make you feel beautiful..
He might not tell you that your beautiful everyday...But he cares about you..why can't women just be happy.