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What Have You Learned From Your Current/Past Relationships?


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22 replies to this topic

#Post 1 of 23 OFFLINE   CellyCell

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Posted 29 July 2008 - 03:39 AM

Have you changed for the better... compromised a lot?
Learned to stick up for yourself, whatever it is - share!

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#Post 2 of 23 OFFLINE   Andi

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Posted 29 July 2008 - 04:04 AM

Awesome thread idea, as usual!!!

I have learned to not even get in a relationship with someone you know you´re not really compatible with. He can be the nicest guy and treat me right, but if he´s got a totally different personality I´m bound to get bored and/or annoyed with him and in the long run feelings will get hurt.

I have learned to accept the other person´s flaws and not try to change them. Or ***** about them. If I have a whole lot to criticize about the other person, it probably means that he´s just not right for me. Or better: I´m not right for him!

And the biggest lesson: Don´t date a guy who lets you walk allover him. With my first bf I used to play all those mind games (not knowingly! I am NOT a mean person, trust me. I was just insecure and unhappy back then) to get what I wanted. And he´d do whatever I wanted and agree with me on everything cause he doesn´t like to fight or argue about things.
I lost my respect for him after a while, which is never a good thing in a relationship

I´m so curious about everyone´s responses. I haven´t had any really bad relationships, therefore I don´t know if I have learned all that much.

#Post 3 of 23 OFFLINE   brewgrl

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Posted 29 July 2008 - 04:14 AM

I have learned that there is no reason to cry over a bad relationship or to dwell on who was to blame for what- it's best to be thankful that you realized it was time to move on- and MOVE ON.

I have learned that once your sex life comes to a stop, chances are, your relationship is on a standstill, and should probably be looked into to see if there is hope for repair.

I have learned that if you really think your man is cheating on you, if he is or if he isn't, there is something wrong regardless.

I have learned that, unless you have plans to get married, co-habitating is a BAD IDEA. someone always loses their home in the end.

I have not learned, however, how to become a cleaner person, even though I have dated almost exclusively, slightly OCD clean freaks.

#Post 4 of 23 OFFLINE   speedy

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Posted 29 July 2008 - 04:15 AM

The most important lesson I learned is from a past relationship and that is not to trust blindly. Just because you trust someone doesn't mean you shouldn't question things that don't seem right, and it doesn't mean that they'll always be worthy of your trust. If something seems like it's not right, it probably isn't.

#Post 5 of 23 OFFLINE   Bec688

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Posted 29 July 2008 - 05:53 AM

Great topic Cellers

I have learnt..

to speak up and say something if something is bugging me, rather than to dwell on it and then let it all blow up later on. Or to not just agree with the boyfriend so it won't start an argument.

To set higher standards for myself and what I expect in a relationship, and to not settle.

To listen to my gut, if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't and question it. 99% of the time there will be something wrong.

I'm sure there is more, but those are some stand outs for me.

#Post 6 of 23 OFFLINE   AngelaGM

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Posted 29 July 2008 - 05:56 AM

This is an excellent thread! I have learned to be more appreciative of Bryan and to realize that neither of us is perfect but we are perfect for each other. =)

#Post 7 of 23 OFFLINE   pinksugar

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Posted 29 July 2008 - 06:35 AM

hmm. I've learnt that everyone has a breaking point.

No one is perfect, and that whenever I look for faults in others, I should also be aware of the faults in myself.

I'm a strong person, and, like Bec, I shouldn't settle. Someone could be wonderful and sweet and in many ways 'perfect' but there is only so much 'bad' that I should put up with.

I'll think some more and get back to you.
 

 


#Post 8 of 23 OFFLINE   GlossyAbby

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Posted 29 July 2008 - 07:43 AM

I have learned to always go with your gut instinct...if you feel he/she isn't right for you don't try and make it work just because they are really nice or goodlooking it takes more than just that...

#Post 9 of 23 OFFLINE   tkayef83

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Posted 29 July 2008 - 09:28 AM

I have learned that being friends first makes for a much better relationship... my boyfriend and I were friends for 3 years before we started dating. We had our (sometimes very) rocky moments in the beginning... a lot of it due to him being deployed to Iraq, but since we finally both communicated very clearly what we wanted from the relationship, it has been great since then.
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#Post 10 of 23 OFFLINE   Shelley

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Posted 29 July 2008 - 03:18 PM

Leaving an abusive relationship has changed me and made me realize what I will and won't put up with.

In a new relationship if a man ever lays a hand on me, controlling, or verbally abuses me, the first time, I will walk away. People like that never stop after the first incident, it most likely will continue.

I'm slowly becoming stronger mentally as in I am learning not to put up with sh** from anyone who treats me poorly.

I'm a taurus so I think I've started to develop retractable horns.

#Post 11 of 23 OFFLINE   CellyCell

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Posted 29 July 2008 - 05:02 PM

Those are a lot of great advices for others too.

I haven't been in serious relationships but this I'm taking from the guys I've talked too.

I learned to not be so *****y and moody when things don't go my way or make things always about me. That goes with not being whiny either... it's weird because when I was younger, I was always so nice and kept things to myself. Now that I'm older, it's been total opposite haha.

I agree about being friends first prior to going out - it makes things much more better and special. And if you feel like it wouldn't last or you find that person boring... that's not the person you wanna be with.

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#Post 12 of 23 OFFLINE   laurafaye

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Posted 29 July 2008 - 05:36 PM

I've learned that you need confidence in yourself, also that I shouldn't moan at my boyfriend so much because it doesn't help anything

#Post 13 of 23 OFFLINE   magneticheart

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Posted 29 July 2008 - 05:57 PM

I've learned that;
-When things aren't working anymore you should just face it and walk away because staying only makes it worse.
-If you feel the need to change yourself for them (and I don't mean in a good way like wanting to be a nicer person) then it's not going to work out.
-To pick your battles and realise you can't win everything. You have to learn to occasionaly back down and say "Okay you may have won this one but trust me dude you ain't gunna win next time " haha!
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#Post 14 of 23 OFFLINE   Zoey

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Posted 30 July 2008 - 03:51 AM

I agree with Jenuary on the co-habitating point. So true and not doing it again!

I've learned to trust my instinct 100%. I hope i never ever forget that.

I've learned how to be a cold biatch lmao who knows what she wants and wont settle for less.

definitely a lot more thins to add,but these have been going through my mind lately

#Post 15 of 23 OFFLINE   Killah Kitty

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Posted 31 July 2008 - 02:09 AM

Oh I have learned a ton...

Compromise. It can't always just be about me and what I want, when I want. There are 2 people in a relationship and we both have to be happy with each other.

Pick your fights. Don't avoid arguments though. Some things will lead to a confrontation and an argument, but making it through arguments is a sign that both of us think it is worth it to deal with our problems rather than ignoring them. Communication is #1. With that said, I'm not saying argue about everything... some things are really trivial and not worth a fight! Thats when you compromise!

I listen to my gut as well. I think we, as woman, have a very good gut instinct lol. While my relationship has been REALLY stressfull at times, and we have both done each other some wrong, I still have felt the guy I'm with is who I'm going to end up marrying, and sure enough we been together 2 and a half years already. We have worked through the worst of problems (cheating, flirting, secrets) and when all that was going on I had a feeling something was wrong. Now that things have really changed on both our ends, my gut is saying its ok now. I trust my instincts!

Oh and one last thing. Never let guys sweet talk you into anything! I know its obvious, but if a guy wants it bad enough, let him prove it. Make him worth your while, always have your standards!

#Post 16 of 23 OFFLINE   vesna

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Posted 31 July 2008 - 10:31 AM

This was a really good idea for a thread Celly. It's interesting to hear what everyone else has to say.

For me, one of the most important things that I have learned is to make sure that you and your partner want the same things out of the relationship. If one of you wants something serious and longterm and the other is just looking for fun then you can't ignore that for long and it will start to cause problems. You can't force your partner to want the same things as you do, no matter how much you may try.

I've also learnt to be careful when placing my trust in guys. I'm certainly not saying that it's a good thing to be constantly suspicious of your partner but don't blindly believe in everything they tell you. Especially if you feel something is not right. If you have worries it's always better to voice them rather than disreguard them as noncense. You have to look out for your own best interests.

There are loads more but I'd be writing an essay if I continued and a lot of the points have been covered already. I consider myself quite lucky just now as I'm in a relationship which I consider to be a good one. There will always be the occassional arguement but I think that's healthy. Problems need to be addressed rather than brushed under the carpet.

#Post 17 of 23 OFFLINE   tkayef83

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Posted 31 July 2008 - 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by Killah Kitty View Post
Oh I have learned a ton...

Compromise. It can't always just be about me and what I want, when I want. There are 2 people in a relationship and we both have to be happy with each other.

Pick your fights. Don't avoid arguments though. Some things will lead to a confrontation and an argument, but making it through arguments is a sign that both of us think it is worth it to deal with our problems rather than ignoring them. Communication is #1. With that said, I'm not saying argue about everything... some things are really trivial and not worth a fight! Thats when you compromise!

I listen to my gut as well. I think we, as woman, have a very good gut instinct lol. While my relationship has been REALLY stressfull at times, and we have both done each other some wrong, I still have felt the guy I'm with is who I'm going to end up marrying, and sure enough we been together 2 and a half years already. We have worked through the worst of problems (cheating, flirting, secrets) and when all that was going on I had a feeling something was wrong. Now that things have really changed on both our ends, my gut is saying its ok now. I trust my instincts!

Oh and one last thing. Never let guys sweet talk you into anything! I know its obvious, but if a guy wants it bad enough, let him prove it. Make him worth your while, always have your standards!
Girl, you know what you're saying!!! I'm in complete agreement. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years and I've learned a lot through that time. We've had our fair share of issues... mainly, he was an ass for the first year and at the time, I put up with it. However, after I finally realized I deserved better than the way he treated me, he changed in more ways than I knew possible. Now, things are great... we recently even moved into our new house and plan on getting married one day. Granted, we still have moments where we drive each other crazy but instead of holding it in like we used to, we actually argue and get things out in the open. That way, we can move past it, instead of letting it build up. We've also perfected the art of compromise, lol... we built the house from scratch so it took LOTS of compromising to figure out what we both wanted it to look like. I know many people go "No one ever changes" but believe me, I've seen it happen
"To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad."


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#Post 18 of 23 OFFLINE   Lucy

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Posted 08 August 2008 - 10:23 AM

to always always trust your intuition. one of my exes used to have huge mood swings and would turn from nice guy to complete lunatic in seconds. he always calmed down soon enough though, and i thought his anger would never affect me, though it was often scary.
within two months of me noticing his moods, he threatened, graphically, to physically hurt me. i didn't wait around for it to happen.
lesson- if any part of you doesn't feel safe, don't stay.
don't worry, be happy!

#Post 19 of 23 OFFLINE   rejectstar

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Posted 10 August 2008 - 08:28 PM

I've only been in one other relationship, other than my current one [4+ years and still going!]. I definitely learned from being with my first boyfriend that I can't deal with an over-emotional and dramatic man! I mean, he cried more than I did, and at the dumbest things... and made such a big deal out of nothing.

He was the one who dumped me, and then a week or two later came crying back, saying it was all a mistake, and he wanted me back, he loved me so much, wah wah wah... I need a more emotionally stable person. I hate drama. So, so much! There is little to no drama that goes on in my current relationship, and I think that's why it's lasted so long!

From my current boyfriend, I've learned that I am a loveable and worthy person-- before I got together with him, I was convinced that no one could or would ever love me again. I was just so down on myself all the time. He's given me a reason to deal with my issues, and become a better person. I love him

#Post 20 of 23 OFFLINE   pinksugar

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Posted 10 August 2008 - 08:46 PM

ooooh I have some things to add.

If you don't feel right about something, then there's probably something wrong. I remember my boyfriends sometimes wanted to do things that would upset me - go out alone on coffee 'dates' with girls I didn't feel comfortable with, be someone's date at a formal or funny things like that. Sure, they're things that wouldn't really bother me now, but it was the fact that I explained how much it would upset me, and yet they still decided to do it, that said to me, if he can do that, he doesn't really care that much about my feelings.

I have much lower expectations in terms of their behaviour, I guess! I want more, still get angry when they disappoint me, but a lot of men don't even seem to realise what the hell they're doing, and why you get angry. I used to get really frustrated and get into huge fights. Now, the first time they do something that upsets me, I just tell them calmly what is wrong, and ask whether they agree that from my point of view it was frustrating. Then, I ask if they'll do it again. The next time it happens, I refer them to the previous conversation, which usually stops them from doing whatever it is pretty quickly.

Other than that, I have learnt some good things from previous relationships - My relationships have got progressively more serious, and I feel that I can expect more, I deserve more, and I will get it one day. I've learnt to appreciate tidyness and that little things like being picked up from work, blowing off dinner at home for cheap takeaway, making someone a cup of coffee in the morning... they're the things that make life good.

I honestly do think I've learnt something from every relationship I've been in - whether it be good, or bad. Even the horrible ones, I wouldn't take those things back, since I wouldn't be who I am today, or know what I do unless I'd experienced that stuff.

I guess I wouldn't appreciate real love as much if I hadn't been through some bad relationships

ok, enough rambling now!