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How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?


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#Post 1 of 35 OFFLINE   perlanga

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 06:13 PM

I have an extremely good friend that I care about deeply named Kev. He was in a VERY bad relationship with a lady that was about 20 years older than him and he is going to be 28 this month. Now that they aren't together he is really struggling to meet girls in his age range. For some odd reason women who are older express interest in him, but younger girls are like whatever. He can get a younger girls number, but can't get her to go on a date with him. He is very funny, sweet, a gentleman, he's not a cheater, I really can't say enough good things about him.

He got really frustrated about the whole situation, so I suggested that he make an online dating profile. He did and immediately stated getting contact from younger women. He started talking to a girl named Dionne who was 30, seemed really nice, and had some really nice pics on her profile. After a few weeks, he actually set up a date with her and to make things less awkward they were both gonna have a friend with them. Well she said me and Kev could go over her house which was about 45 minutes away and just chat for a bit, then go to Dave and Buster's together. We drove over there and parked.

A very large lady (perhaps even morbidly obese) met us at the door and told us to come in and sit down. Kev then said "Hi I'm Kevin, I'm here to meet Dionne", she then said "OH I'M DIONNE". Well you can just say there was some silence in the room. I could tell that Kev wanted to get out of there ASAP and he said that we were going to Taco Bell around the corner and if she wanted anything. She said yes and to bring her some Chessey Gordita Crunches. Well needless to say we weren't going to TB and he drove out like a bat out of hell! I was shocked because the photos online were not of this lady!!!

He then started talking to someone else online who was also a younger girl and was very nice looking. Once again after talking to her for a few minutes they set up a date. I didn't go this time, but he said that when he was waiting for her outside her home. She sent a text message saying "if you don't like how I look, let me know we don't have to go out". He said he got a bad vibe, but thought nothing of it. The lady then came out and was once again an obese 40+ year old lady. Well to not be a jerk, he got out the car and introduced himself or whatever and she noticed that he looked disappointed. He then said they could still go out and have dinner though. Well they went to dinner, but he really didn't want to. He also said that the lady was making sexual advances at him at dinner, but he was clearly not interested. Then he asked why she posted the decieving pics on her profile and she stated it was her, but when she was 25, and when she had pics of her now nobody would contact her.

Is this something that is prolific throughout dating sites, are there and legit profiles. What sites do you suggest, or are there any ways to tell if someone is just lying?


#Post 2 of 35 OFFLINE   StakeEdward

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 06:25 PM

I've never used a dating site, but I suggest your friend request webcam chats with women before actually meeting them. That way he knows exactly what he's getting into before going to the trouble of driving over to their houses and discovering they're not really who they presented themselves to be. If the women refuse webcam, I'd assume they have something to hide.


#Post 3 of 35 OFFLINE   Johnnie

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 06:39 PM

Unless they both have a web cam there's no way of telling who's lying or not. Your poor friend. He seems like a sweetheart.

 

 


#Post 4 of 35 OFFLINE   Darla

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 06:44 PM

I don't know I would always be skeptical, but sometimes people are their own worst critics.

That all being said a good friend of mine who just went through a messy divorce met his new GF through plentyoffish.com

I met her recently while we were all hanging out in a bar. Some of the stories she told me made my skin crawl. Its the same kind of thing plentyoffish is also sort of a social place and women might make friends and sometimes compare notes about who they dated and so forth. My friend was one of their topics one day.

I don't like "locker room talk" when guys do it and sounds like even less when women do it.

#Post 5 of 35 OFFLINE   perlanga

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 07:31 PM

I've never even thought of the webcam thing!!! I fell like such a dummy for not suggesting that before!

Oh yea Johnnie, he is such a sweetiepie, he's so loyal and funny, I feel so bad he has to go through this bad luck.

#Post 6 of 35 OFFLINE   Dragonfly

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 08:54 PM

You can't tell if the person is honest about anything - that's why I would never use one.

#Post 7 of 35 OFFLINE   ChittyChatJune

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 10:33 PM

What a situation. That must have been akward for him to meet those cons face to face. And the nerve of that one to ask you both to bring some dam* taco bell back!! lol. Shame on them. I agree, webcam all the way. The whole internet dating is a gamble in itself. Even if he were to meet a physically attractive woman, she could easily be lying about her personality and or intent. He will not actually be there to read her well. The best way to meet someone is the old fashioned way...face to face (either by blind dates set up by friends or just by chance). He should just enjoy life..get out and do the things he loves to do. I'm pretty sure a wonderful lady will cross his path. He sounds like a good catch. I wouldn't trust the whole internet route.
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#Post 8 of 35 OFFLINE   Topazz

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 11:00 PM

You must always assume that the pictures posted are false. Everyone put there best face forward first, especially if their best face was 20 years and 40 lbs ago. He must always assume that.
Web cam is the way to go. My sister is a very large woman herself, yet with a beautiful personality. She's married, but she too plays an online game and has men falling over themselves for her. She is never honest with her pictures, even sharing as friends only, men and women alike. I used to play an online game for several years, which is a lot like a dating site to some people. Even sharing pictures as friends only was always a big surprise later. I learned over the years to take those pics with a grain of salt. I was just there to play the game but it's funny how things work out.
I never thought of the game as a dating site but I did end up meeting my fiance' on there. We were very upfront though, took it slow, and shared honest pictures. We web cammed for over a year before we met, and we knew when we met that we were already going to be together. The first day I met him face to face was the day we moved in together.
Him and I both were very lucky that we fell for honest, upfront people. My advice only comes from imagining how that could have been different. Your friend needs to share lots and lots of pictures. Ask specifically for recent pictures. Talk on the phone a lot, email a lot, take it slow. Before he meets someone face to face, tell him to give them a last chance to be upfront so neither of them is surprised.
Other than that, I can only emphasize taking it slow. I know he's in a hurry to find someone and be happy, but he needs to be reasonably sure that he could love the person he's about to meet despite a little flubbing about their flaws.

#Post 9 of 35 OFFLINE   Darla

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 11:09 PM

not everyone has a webcam

in fact very few people i know have webcams

#Post 10 of 35 OFFLINE   Topazz

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 11:10 PM

Thats true, but if you're serious about having a relationship, it's a purchase they should both be willing to make. I did.

#Post 11 of 35 OFFLINE   MakeupByMe

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 11:12 PM

Dont be offended but that story was so funny i was laughing It reminded me of the Married with Children episode where al' has his friends calling a sex hotline & the talk to this seemingly Sexy Lady named "butter" & than the find out its als Obese mother in law
ah anyways I Think its obvious You can barely tell when a person is liying to you face to face why would anyone Believe ppl are honest online? I say if he really is a great guy than a great girl will eventually find him & vice versa its called taking your time & go out into the real world & acxtually meet ppl!!!! Its funner & you actually get to see your options instead of sitting in front of a screen typing & waiting for a response from a total lying about looks stranger!!!!

#Post 12 of 35 OFFLINE   StakeEdward

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Posted 11 June 2010 - 12:19 AM

Originally Posted by ChittyChatJune View Post
What a situation. That must have been akward for him to meet those cons face to face. And the nerve of that one to ask you both to bring some dam* taco bell back!! lol. Shame on them. I agree, webcam all the way. The whole internet dating is a gamble in itself. Even if he were to meet a physically attractive woman, she could easily be lying about her personality and or intent. He will not actually be there to read her well. The best way to meet someone is the old fashioned way...face to face (either by blind dates set up by friends or just by chance). He should just enjoy life..get out and do the things he loves to do. I'm pretty sure a wonderful lady will cross his path. He sounds like a good catch. I wouldn't trust the whole internet route.
I actually know someone who met her boyfriend online - not through a dating site, but still. She became very good friends with him before they ever met in real life, and they did webcam beforehand. They've been dating for about a year now. People lie about/misrepresent themselves irl, too, especially if they go into a date without having been friends with the person before (and therefore wanting to put their best face forward). Even if you can't lie about your looks in person, you can misrepresent who you are to make yourself look better. I don't think you can ever be certain that the person you're dating isn't covering up their flaws, especially if you didn't know them well before you started dating them.

Darla, I think a webcam is a good investment if one plans to be serious about finding someone on the Internet. Most laptops these days come equipped with them, but you can buy them separately at fairly low prices.

#Post 13 of 35 OFFLINE   Director

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Posted 11 June 2010 - 01:12 AM

Webcams can be found cheap...for around $7-$10

#Post 14 of 35 OFFLINE   Ingrid

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Posted 11 June 2010 - 01:19 AM

There isn`t really much you can do unless he tries webcam, I mean you never know who is behide the computer talking to you, it could be anybody, for all you know that person could turn out to be a guy. Thats how pedophiles track down young girls, because there is really no way of telling who the person truely is.
Hence that is why I don`t use online dating, it is a very dangerous, risky move.
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#Post 15 of 35 OFFLINE   Johnnie

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Posted 11 June 2010 - 01:37 AM

Originally Posted by Topazz View Post
Thats true, but if you're serious about having a relationship, it's a purchase they should both be willing to make. I did.
Exactly!

 

 


#Post 16 of 35 OFFLINE   bianca_dee

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Posted 11 June 2010 - 08:05 AM

Sadly that's how dating sites work I guess. Many are lying about their looks, age, etc.

And yes, the webcam suggestion is good! I would do the same too.

You might also want to check this experiment too. The Lie Detection Experiment. This is not the answer to your problem but I think it's a good concept for an experiment to identify liars and all that.

#Post 17 of 35 OFFLINE   xjackie83

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Posted 11 June 2010 - 10:45 AM

I met my boyfriend online. We've known each other eight years, been together for almost 2, and lived together for over a year. I also have a friend that has been married almost a year and met his wife on an internet dating site. So it can work.

Since your friend seems to be having bad experience after bad experience, I would suggest webcaming also. Or maybe met at a public place so he can check out his date and then pass if he wants too (something like what happened in You've Got Mail).

With a lot of those sites, anyone can sign up. He might want to look going a more professional route by looking at eharmony or even a matchmaker.

#Post 18 of 35 OFFLINE   perlanga

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Posted 11 June 2010 - 05:45 PM

Originally Posted by MakeupByMe View Post
Dont be offended but that story was so funny i was laughing It reminded me of the Married with Children episode where al' has his friends calling a sex hotline & the talk to this seemingly Sexy Lady named "butter" & than the find out its als Obese mother in law
ah anyways I Think its obvious You can barely tell when a person is liying to you face to face why would anyone Believe ppl are honest online? I say if he really is a great guy than a great girl will eventually find him & vice versa its called taking your time & go out into the real world & acxtually meet ppl!!!! Its funner & you actually get to see your options instead of sitting in front of a screen typing & waiting for a response from a total lying about looks stranger!!!!

Your telling me, after the initial shock of seeing that lady I kinda did wanna crack up, but I was thinking how do I get outta here, without being such a bee-otch! Once we got in the car and Kevin expressed his disgust I laughed all the way home and some days afterward!!!

#Post 19 of 35 OFFLINE   makeup reviews

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Posted 11 June 2010 - 06:53 PM

it all depends on his actions, if the other part is doing things that have love meansing, you can tell that he/she has love feelings. but if he/she talks a lot and do nothing but talk, he/she is probably full of shit.

#Post 20 of 35 OFFLINE   marcy53

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Posted 11 June 2010 - 07:57 PM

Originally Posted by perlanga View Post
I have an extremely good friend that I care about deeply named Kev. He was in a VERY bad relationship with a lady that was about 20 years older than him and he is going to be 28 this month. Now that they aren't together he is really struggling to meet girls in his age range. For some odd reason women who are older express interest in him, but younger girls are like whatever. He can get a younger girls number, but can't get her to go on a date with him. He is very funny, sweet, a gentleman, he's not a cheater, I really can't say enough good things about him.

He got really frustrated about the whole situation, so I suggested that he make an online dating profile. He did and immediately stated getting contact from younger women. He started talking to a girl named Dionne who was 30, seemed really nice, and had some really nice pics on her profile. After a few weeks, he actually set up a date with her and to make things less awkward they were both gonna have a friend with them. Well she said me and Kev could go over her house which was about 45 minutes away and just chat for a bit, then go to Dave and Buster's together. We drove over there and parked.

A very large lady (perhaps even morbidly obese) met us at the door and told us to come in and sit down. Kev then said "Hi I'm Kevin, I'm here to meet Dionne", she then said "OH I'M DIONNE". Well you can just say there was some silence in the room. I could tell that Kev wanted to get out of there ASAP and he said that we were going to Taco Bell around the corner and if she wanted anything. She said yes and to bring her some Chessey Gordita Crunches. Well needless to say we weren't going to TB and he drove out like a bat out of hell! I was shocked because the photos online were not of this lady!!!

He then started talking to someone else online who was also a younger girl and was very nice looking. Once again after talking to her for a few minutes they set up a date. I didn't go this time, but he said that when he was waiting for her outside her home. She sent a text message saying "if you don't like how I look, let me know we don't have to go out". He said he got a bad vibe, but thought nothing of it. The lady then came out and was once again an obese 40+ year old lady. Well to not be a jerk, he got out the car and introduced himself or whatever and she noticed that he looked disappointed. He then said they could still go out and have dinner though. Well they went to dinner, but he really didn't want to. He also said that the lady was making sexual advances at him at dinner, but he was clearly not interested. Then he asked why she posted the decieving pics on her profile and she stated it was her, but when she was 25, and when she had pics of her now nobody would contact her.

Is this something that is prolific throughout dating sites, are there and legit profiles. What sites do you suggest, or are there any ways to tell if someone is just lying?



Tell your friend to error on the side of caution. If you have a gut feeling that something in rotten in Denmark, I act according to that gut feeling. Better safe than sorry. Besides with onlne dating you don't have the problems that you would have in the brick and mortar environment. Email can be deleted and on to the next relationship. One of the good things about online dating.
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