I think I offically hate men...I'm in so much pain with a similiar story.( Get ready ladies..its a novel!) Ralfy and I have known each other since I was 3 and he was 6. As the years went on and we grew older I really liked him but we remained very close friends. When I was 16 and he was 20 the flirting and attraction began between us...still we remained friends. He lives 2 blocks away from me and our neighborhood is very small, the kind where everyone knows everyone and their history and past generations etc. We didn't see each other for about 6 months and then bumped into each other and made a date. That was July 13, 2002. We were inseperable ever since and basically lived with each other...got engaged..our names tattooed on our backs, his friends became my friends..we all traveled together, his family was my family and mine was his. I was sick with cancer for a while...he was always by my side. He was out of school for about a year which really bothered him (he also goes to SJU) because his father who is loaded (and a greedy lying cheatin S.O.B) refused to pay tuition. We had our ups and downs but what relationship doesnt? This past September, things changed. I was back in school after taking a semester off because i had to, his father moved back into the apartment even though his mother didnt want him to, his father finally paid tuition so ralfy was back in school with me, and ralfy got a much better job at a trendy, upscale hotel in Manhattan making 18 hr..24 hr OT. I was only working as an office assistant 3 days a week because I was still sick...but I was looking for something better even though my strength was weak. Ralfy started acting different..distant..yet the whole month of september we made love..and he took me on shopping sprees that i didnt want but he insisted and also with his new money he brought me out to a very expensive restaurant in the city that his job suggested. We had the same school schedule so I used to pick him up from his calculus class which was across the hall from my class and then we would go home together. One day a girl came up to him after class in the whole and said "Ralfff...remember..if you need help with the hw call me," while touching his arm, smiling and walked away. I gave her a look and he started laughing..said I was cute, kissed my head and said she was nothing to worry about. That was October. Even though he was buying me things and taking me out when he could...the distance grew. When we did make plans after work to study he said, "oh baby..sorry Mikey picked me up from work"..or when we were together and i saw him text messaging all of a sudden I got upset and wanted to see who it was ( a women always knows) yet..he yelled and said it was mike. The one time i grabbed the phone from him, it really was Mike and I felt horrible. We had more arguments because he was being so "shady" and I hardly saw him. Thanksgiving Eve we were nasty to each other because he broke the plans we made to go out clubbing with another couple. We haven't gone out in a while. So he sent me a text messaged in the middle of the night..."I need to be alone" The next day I called to see if he was ready to go to my aunts like we do every year and to ask him about the text. He replied," what do u think it means" and was silent..then I was silent and i knew. I started crying and all he could say was im sorry..its been on my mind..I've been sitting in the dark all day blah blah blah. I cried for days and text messaged him. I didnt get it. What did I do? All he could say was Im sorry and swore it wasn't over another chick but because he's been very mean, selfish, shady to me and he needs his space to treat me better...all of his stress caused by his father moving back in, school, new job is causing him to take everything out on me and make me unhappy. In a way, that was true so I believed him yet still cried. Two weeks later, I checked his voicemail..something I never did the "almost 3 years we've been together"..and heard, "Hi ralf..its christine..call me" I cried and stormed to his house demanding answers because, afterall, he swore it wasn't over a girl. He told me that it was that girl from his Cal class because they were sharing a textbook....still screamed at each other..kissed me forehead and walked me home. Over the next few weeks he was texting me goodnight angel..and I miss u and do u love u etc. Remember, His friends became my friends so I was going out with them alot. When we went out, he used to text his two best friends "watch over her...show her a good time..but watch over my angel." Christmas Eve he came over with gifts..100 g/c to sephora..100 g/c to forever 21..and a FCUK perfume set. Christmas Day, he came by again and I bought him a few sweaters. The day after Christmas he took me out to dinner in the city...this friendship thing was killing me. I just didnt get it..why couldnt it just be a "break"? New Years Eve he was going to come out with us but he had to work late...and again texted his friends to watch me and if anyone tries to talk to me to kill them. He madddee me single WTH??!!? January 13th was my birthday and his friends were throwing me a party at a club called NA in the city that Friday. I invited him because i wanted him to share that day with me and our friends. That Monday I went shopping for a dress and returned a phone call from him while in the store describing my dress. (throughout our rel..i couldnt wait to tell him what i bought each day)..that Tuesday he took me out to lunch and to get a necklace that matched my dress and then to the doctors although I told him I could get places on my own, Thursday was my birthday so he called me at Midnight saying, "I wanted to be the first to wish you a happy birthday angel", Thursday during the day he showed up at my door the a beautiful 2 dozen roses arrangement from 1800 flowers...and said he'll see me tomorrow night. I noticed all this money stuff and his style of clothing changed from average to armani and gucci...the stores that surround his job. Also he said to me, "do u like my bracelet? I bought it from Zales." (you'll understand later why im going into such detail) Friday night at NA...he showed up in armani, looking great..all GQ. He told me i looked stunning and kissed my cheek. He grabbed me for a picture. I went near the bar and a guy there offered to buy me a drink and I accepted. Two seconds later his best friend Mike pulls up next to me and gives me a smirk..(i love mikey though..he's a sweetheart)..but that minute i new ralfy would be near me soon. The two were trying to get me away from the guy...so ralfy put his arm around my waist and stands between me and the guy and then asks to talk to me upstairs..where he yelled at me and said he's here for me and how could I talk to another guy in front of him. WTH?? HE BROKE UP WITH ME!!!! I was drunk...annd I just wanted to hug him so bad so we did..and then i asked him to kiss me and he shook his head know..i shook my head yes and then he did. When we all left the club he took a cab with me but told the cab driver "W 58 and 8th"...that is where is job is. They gave him a room for that night because he had a shift at 9 am and knew he would be in the city all night. So we spent the night together...made love but then in the morning he was acting mean..took me downstairs and put me in a cab...and said he'll call me later. Once again I had "the feeling" so I remembered his password and checked his email...i never did this while we were together. Well I found a letter from Christine..the girl from his math class..Miss. "I'll help u with math/ textbook chick." In the letter she was cursing him out because SHEEE checked HIS Voicemail and found my voicemails saying "Im returning your calls etc...she also cursed out my dress in her letter LOL..and that he better not go to my party..and that she wants to know why HE was telling HER that SHE would leave HIM first...and how HE Begged HER to be with HER in the beginning...and that she loves his voice..his touch..his smell and how he shows her a good time and that she's falling in love with him Everything I loved ..I was in TEARS...DEVESTATED..shaking..crying..throwing up. He swore it wasn't over a girl. I tried to call him but he was at work so I wrote her an email ..a nice one telling her everything..from our breakup to his texts, his gifts, our dates, my birthday and how we had sex the night before...and that he's always telling me he loves me and is not with someone else. We both confronted him and he denied having sex with me to her but told me he was having sex with her...I was crushed...but she said she believed me. I still didnt like her..she saw me with him before..but he lied and said we broke up a while before we really did. Still, the girl saw me with him. I told her about me being sick and she told me that he told her the only reason he was keeping in contact with me and rufused to stop talking to me over the few months they were together was because I had a "condition" Jerk. The next day he texted me how sorry he was and how he knows there is nothing he could do to heal my pain and if he could stop it he would. That night I told him I wanted to see him so he could look in my tearful eyes and see the pain. We went to a coffee shop..I started crying, he started crying..he grabbed by hand..held it to his lips and eyes...cried all over me..grabbed me held me tight crying some more. All he kept saying was "Im sorry baby..Im so sorry..Im sooo sorry baby..you're an angel..she meant nothing...i dont know why i did and said the things I said. Im so selfish, coldhearted and different now, I dont deserve you and now some guy is going to get a great girl I could have had, I love you angel" He then punched the window..we both cried come more and i fell asleep on him..he kissed me. The rest of the week we were together everyday ..food shopping with his mom and he insisted on driving me to different colleges to help me register for the next semester. I wasnt going to stay on campus because there were too many memories of HER. (oh and btw..in her letter..SHE admitted to HIM that she is a psycho b**) He changed his schedule so she wouldnt know it. Also I found out that SHE bough HIM that 500 dollar Zales bracelet that he showed me. That week I was in peace because I was back with him but i wasnt because of everything that I found out. Everyday he kissed me, held me tight and cried because he couldnt look in my eyes and felt so ashamed. The on Thursday I guess his password..again..had to be sure and found that that morning he sent a naked picture of her in the shower from New Years Day from his cell phone to his screen name. (I forgot to mention that NYE weekend his friends and I went upstate together..and ralfy went to my dad and had a talk w him that he was taking the break to eventually treat me better and that he loves me with all of his heart)..so anyway i confronted him about the picture ..drunk and crying..we had a fight...i punched his arm screaming and crying and he slammed my head against the windshield and put his hands around me throat for a second. The he broke up with me saying that I dont know who he has become..he's selfish and insane and needs to be by himself. WTH? DOING this to me again. He said that he was realllly insane.lol ugh. How i cried and cried some more and even thought about taking my life. He swore it wasnt for her and that he hated her ..and that i was angel. That all took place the week after my birthday. On Valentine's day he texted me, "Thinking of you". From there on we texted each other and wrote emails...still calling me his angel. March 7th he called me to see how I was feeling..we also made plans to go to Serendipity 3 for Frozen hot Chocolate and lunch one day soon. Throughout that time i continued to ask him if he has had any contact w her, but "he hated her" He was telling me how is life is becoming stable..joined pre law society and criminal justice society and he's forever busy. Once again I had a feeling....so I guessed his password again and found A LETTER FROM HER...but it was from OCTOBER!!! (this was an old sn) In that letter she was cursing him out in response to his letter cursing her out for at that time she did not want to me with him and he was begging her. She said she cared for him but **** him because she doesnt feel he's serious. Okay so he lied to me again..in January he told me this started with her near Finals...and he was begging her? I called crying...he wouldnt text me back or call me back so i wrote him emails..no answer. Then I woke up one day to an IM from her sayinng "have something on your mind" and an IM from Him saying to "to close the book...our chapter is over..he's not giving me closure in 15 mins like I asked" So they're together?? Hes been lying to me some more??? stringing me on again?? I called him crying and he kept hanging up..then he finally stood on the phone with me yet said some AWFUL stuff...like "yeah now u know the truth are u happy now? are u happy knowing..im with her.. you weren't as hungry as she was..her and I are compatible..you're not..blah blah....we're on different pages blah blah" again..WTH? He's been lying to me for months saying he loves me to death..im his angel..he hates her...he needs his time for selfish reasons. He told me to forget him...move in with my life and take care of my health. I asked him (crying) if he got my name removed and if he loves her (although he's been telling me he loves me) and he said "Im not opening up another can of worms..im not discussing her with you..she doesnt concern you" and hung up on me. I called him the next day (this was two weeks ago) only to discover that he changed his number on me. OMG i wanted to die...he had this number for 8 years..new me since i was a baby..shared so much with me in the years we were together...caused me all this pain. So I wrote him emails crying..telling him i love him and that im sorry even I wasnt compatible for him..I've been blaming myself. He made me feel like a loser. I was hungry..when I didnt have my strength there were certain things I could and couldnt do and had to take a semester off...etc. I always supported him and us as individuals and as a couple...and always wanted to make him proud. He also said that she doesnt need him "to hold her hand" I NEVER DEPENDED HIM ON ANYTHING but being there for me. I was always doing things on my own and never wanted or asked him for a dime. He hasn't answered my emails but (yay) i haven't sent him one for over a week. (clapping)...Ive been with "our" friends and they said that they haven't heard from him in months besides my birthday and the texts to watch over me. They said he's probably to ashamed to talk to them because he knows he's a sorry excuse for a man and how they love me like a sister and think Im great. They also said they dont approve of what he's done to me and that he's unforgiveable..yet they're still boys but she will not be allowed in his apartment lol (she likes to bother me and stalk my going away messages yet I dont even have her on my BL). I'm still hurt...missing him terribly. I guess he loves her...and i feel lower than the tiles I walk on. I haven't heard from him and trying to accept that he's gone. I am dating guys but...I miss and love my Ralfy. Sorry for the novel...and if there were any typos. You know you love someone after all the pain, lies and suffering they cause...you still dont have an ounce of hate for that person.