Mmkay..

Im just sitting here, bored out of my head, ugh.
I can't think of anything i want to do, im not in the mood to do anything, honestly, i just want to sleep, but i dont wanna go back to bed cause i know i'll sleep till 1 pm or later and that is my workout time.

I just have random thoughts, like, why is it so hard for me to lose this stupid weight, and why do other people lose it so quick and easy, like wtf is wrong with my metabolism, seriously, i wish metabolism didnt exist HA. pfft, yeah stupid i know.
No i don't quite look like that yet <<< Pic to the left, that was two years ago, when i was happier about my self image, now im not so happy about it, and i have to bust my arse everyday for three hours to lose 1 pound a week. i hate it. but oh well, im losing weight after all, just NOT happy with how freaking slow it is, so frustrating.

Add this to that:
We are SO SO SO broke atm, funny we dont even have money to buy a coffee.
I can't send money to my parents, so that they can pay for my son's needs, my son is still living with them because i havent been able to pay for my paperwork to become a permanent resident in Canada, so im here and after four years all i have is partial permission to stay here, it sucks.
My husband hasnt been able to find a job where they pay him decent money, its like all of these companies want people to work their a$$ off and work for them for free, are you kidding me, most of them dont even give benefits or overtime, and dont want you to work on the weekends, so what they want people to live in the streets and work for free? come the heck on. Oh and i cant even work, not even if i was fully legal here i guess, i have kids and who would take care of them. My husband's family isnt very helpful except for his dad, he will watch the kids from time to time, but the rest, either dont talk to my husband or just dont give a damn, like his mom, she doesnt like kids so she wont watch them. Mind you she abandoned hers when they were all really young, and she didnt care. So go figure..

I wish life was less stressful, more easy to deal with, being an adult sucks, but my childhood wasnt all that great either, so what is there other options?, cause even animals get it rough too, people will kill them carelessly cause supposedly they arent as important as humans. Bah

I guess im just upset that life and people suck sometimes, i have always been a loving person who respects people no matter what. Yeah i may not like some people's attitude and i get angry but that doesn't mean i hate them. I also don't show my affection for them by buying them stuff, i don't think that is love at all. I try to give them more than that, which in the end is what they might take away with them, cause you can't take material stuff with you when you die, and something material from that person doesnt make the object turn into the person, --so i take whatever piece of advice or thought they can give me and appreciate it more, cause i treasure that in my head and in my heart instead. not in a place in my house, and THAT i will take with me when i die.

-sigh,
end of blogging, i always thought i was too lazy to blog, but then this might be one of my very few blogs just cause i needed to talk to myself i guess, even if nobody reads it, i got it out of my chest. After being on my own all these years without my family and no friends i learned to talk to myself i guess, at least i know i listen haha!