I have a thing about dreams..my dreams are warnings or prophesies. we were supposed to go canoing on Saturday (about 2 weeks ago)and I had a dream that I was drowning and true enough, that weekend we couldnt go because people drowned in that river. I dreamt that my aunt was pregnant and 3 weeks later she told us she was having twins. for a whole month I dreamt that people I knew died, that month 2 people I knew did die.

Last night, I had a dream that Chris and three girls were in a bed. One's name was kristi, another jennifer and I cant remember the thirds. He was cuddling with the one named Kristie and I was crying and telling him to get off her. When i got in a fight with the three girls, he defended them. he was treating me like dirt in that dream and I just kept crying. I was so enraged I think I took a pen cap and like put it in his eyes? he didnt go blind or anything...but I remember feeling like hell.

This isnt the first dream where he has not defended or helped me. the dream were I was drowning, he wasnt there to help me, but in the dream he was the one who told me to swim and he would be there for me. I woke up crying after the dream and asked him to hold me. I am scared....what if these dreams are a sign? Am i just freaking out for nothing?

empericalbeauty

Gosh this sucks..i came down with a mild fever on Wednesday and it subsided a bit on Thursday but now i feel like shit. My baby (bf) came back from Cleveland today so we got to spend sometime together and he took care of me. <3.

hopefully i feel better by tomorrow cus i have the gyno appointment to get my bc.

empericalbeauty

So i have been toying with the idea of birth control. after a lot of my friends got pregnant..a lot still are, my friend and i talked and i realized that maybe going on the pill might be the best idea. anyways, i talked to my bf about it and he agreed that it was the best idea. since i am doing this hush hush, i decided not to tell my mum. I got there, made th appointment but i was so nervous, my voice cracked through the whole thing. I have an appointment on Saturday at 11 but i freaked out and said I wouldn't go. so my mind is still made up. i am not going to get it because ..i am scared. i don't want my mum to find out nor do i want to go on the pill because of various side effects. i am perfectly fine with our current method and i don't feel like i should be on BC. however, i am kinda scared and want to do it. conflicts.

empericalbeauty

I am in love. Its fucking obnoxius, I know. But I am in love.

Sad cus he is gonna be gone for 9 months....but I wont be pouting just soon.


Anyways, just wanted to say, I am in love. I find it really hard to focus because most of the time my mind has wandered and I am consumed with thoughts of him. His smell, his smile, the way he looks at me so randomly as if I was about to be devoured.

Love you, marshall

empericalbeauty

Okay, so my post was moved and the later deleted...thats cool. I dont know why, but eh..

Anyways, I took pictures solely to show it to You lovely ladies/men ..no way am I showing it to anybody else, apart from those who already saw it IRL...

Since it keeps getting deleted, I hope its okay if I post it onto my blog or..no?

Well..uhm..hopefully this wont get deleted. You don't frequently see a chick willing to look like a guy everyday and then post pictures of it..so..don't delete it...? pretty please.

empericalbeauty