First time ever I'm saying this...

So its really hard for me to cope with what I'm about to write, just because I haven't really had the guts to tell anyone and I mean not even my family. I've been trying to realize it, accept it, and come to the conclusion that this is how its going to be.

Its probably silly for others to read this and say omg why is she seriously taking it overboard, but what I had before for it to totally be gone, I just can't accept it.

I had the best girlfriends in highschool, honestly. Until one of them back stabbed me, we've never all became friends again. In college I had like 5 best friends, one from highschool, and then a year later I lost them too. I finally gained them back last year only to lose them again when the new year came.

I have a boyfriend whom I adore and love, but since then I haven't hung out with anyone. I'm starting to feel lonely without friends to talk too besides the ones I meet at school. There not like people I can intimately talk about life with and its hard for me to open up to people now. I've come to the realization that friends aren't for me maybe. Although its really hard for me to say it, I really wish I had even one friend to call all the time about my problems, or even talk in general and go shopping with.

I spend my weekends at home studying and my weekdays at school. When summer comes, I dont know what to do without my school books. I adore my bf but I just cant do girl things with him, and even he doesnt understand my need for attention.

I haven't told my parents that I'm friendless altho I'm pretty sure they get the hint because I'm always home in my room. My bf knows how depressed I am about it, he tries to introduce me to his friends gfs. But its not the same. I've become so attached to what my old friends had to offer me, that I compare everyone else that jumps to the chance. =[ I'm just really in need of a social life I guess. I hate to admit it, but its totally true.