I have been on MUT pretty seldomly lately, but it should change. I have been extremely busy with my move out of New York, so getting on the internet is not exactly a huge priority. So, like I said, I should be on more often, and there has to be some people who miss me =P

In other news, my 21st bday is on the 19th, so I am happy I get some time to relax and enjoy it...for the first time in my life. I am happy here, though I miss my home quite a bit. It's these days that I am having the best time of my life...like I should. I feel like I got rid of a lot of the negative in my life, and now things can become a bit more positive than they have.

I don't have much to say, but it's definitely good to be back at MUT and posting again.

Solimar

Yesterday I was in a fender bender. My fault. The person in front of me was moving...stopped short, and I bumped her bumper. No big deal. It would have been one of those things to drive away from, but she's an EMT...so she has wiring in her bumper -- AND, it's a leased car. Lame. So...I tapped her, there are like, 3 scratches, and I don't think I did any damage to the wiring. Well, she was saying that if the wiring is not harmed, then whatever, it's not a big deal -- but bought about the issue of a bumper. She was like oh, I may need to replace the bumper (this is a ford) and I would need to pay for the repair...okay. I can deal with fucked up wiring, but not paying for a new bumper. I am seriously low on cash, like, dangerously, so this is freaking me out. I just don't have the money. I got a ticket on top of that, yesterday -- because my insurance was expired -- which I never knew about since it said something different on the card! TODAY...I got pulled over, because my left brake light was out, and got a ticket.

I am so sad right now, I could cry. It's not a big deal, but when money is tight, everything becomes a big issue. You'd figure I'd have enough money to live, when in reality, it's getting very, very, very hard. I'm ready to give up. Blah.

Solimar

I gained my weight back, the 5+ lbs I lost. It really sucks a lot, and I don't even feel like getting back on the horse, though I may start again tomorrow. It's not all that terrible, and is not hard to do as long as I eat the RIGHT foods! I've been stressing, had a few scares, and now life just seems to be going in a different direction -- so it's to be expected. I am not obese, so it's okay, and will definitely try again to get back down. I am not that discouraged, but discouraged enough.

Thanksgiving was okay -- not bad. I have to go over this later.

Blah. I have to write later. BBL...

Solimar

I am liking the new turn MUT has taken, people actually giving a shit about the boards, and the people on it, etc. I can't help but feel some of it is fake, but that's the way it is, I guess. I get the high school part two vibe on the boards, sometimes. Maybe that should always be expected, but it really makes me think about me in the past. If I was like some of the people on here when I was younger, then I am truly ashamed of myself and how I treated people. I know I was pretty cliquey, but I tried my hardest to include everyone. My biggest problem is that there just wasn't enough me to go around -- after all, I am just one person. There is definite cliques here, and I do believe that is kind of pathetic. It's nice to have people that you get along with, but when it gets to the point where you refuse to let anyone else in, which does happen quite a bit, then that is just wrong. I also get the vibe that some people aren't like this in the real world, and they want to exercise some authority, or cockiness, or whatever it may be, in the cyber world just to make themselves feel better. In any case, I am glad it seems to be shaping up even slightly.

Anyway, this is just a lovely time at work. The place is having a bit of flooding, and the lights seem to be flickering a lot. It's been doing okay for now, but we'll see how long it lasts. I give the internet some time before it goes down, but it seems to be cooperating. Unfortunately, without power, I can't do what I need to do, and since the kids have a lot coming up, I'll give 'em a break. If you do something good, it will come back to you. I told them that, and they were very eager to say "Yes, it definitely will come back to you", haha. My thought is that they will let school out early, but I can only dream, right? OH! To add to the loveliness of the day, this one kid, his name is Luke, went to open the window, and the damn thing fell out. Funny, but scared the shit out of me just a little bit Ughhh, and now they are blasting "Crank Dat"! This is mildly amusing. They are so funny, and remind me of me -- complete asses =P

I am all in a good mood, and you'll never guess why. I don't think I have been this excited since high school. Obviously thanksgiving is coming, but so is the homecoming game. I love homecoming, and I love pep rally before it happens! I was obsessed with pep rally, and loved loved loved cheering with all the people going crazy. It was most fun as a senior, of course. I was all excited, and maybe a little bitchy as a senior, I was Senior Queen AND Homecoming Queen, so I was feeling all good about myself I am so excited for the people getting honored next Wednesday. I know I looked forward to it every year, and I just hope they enjoy themselves a lot. I know I will.

Well, I wanted to do a quick update to keep myself entertained. If they get to have fun, I certainly do too...except I can't like an idiot, but I can dream!

Solimar

I have been doing pretty well, and everything seems to be working out for me just fine. I was very stressed out for a little while there, and even has my times of crying just because I was so exhausted. Thankfully that is over and done with and I can get on with my life. My weightloss is going alright, lost around 5 lbs, and it's been nearly a month. I guess I couldn't ask for much more than that, though. Seems to be a healthy way, though I may aim for 2 lbs every single week for this month, so that would give me 8lbs lost in a month, which would be awesome. I figure if I can lose 5 lbs per month, in 4 months, I'll be down 20 lbs, and then I'll have 10 more lbs to be at my goal...doesn't sound so extremely far away now, so that's a a good deal.

I know I am going to need a lot more workout time. I figure if I take about 10,000 steps per day, it might add up, but how many cals is 10,000 steps per day? That's the thing that I want to know, because that actually matters.

I want to join a gym, even though I can just head over to the community college and do it there for nothing. But I also feel kind of weird in that situation, and I am not even a shy person! There is a Bally's which is pretty close, 10 or 15 mins away, and a Lucille Roberts a few blocks away from me, so I may do that as well. I figure that the CC is more convenient since it is close to work, and I can pop by there for an hour, work out, and get outta there. I may have to go back everyday of the week to alter cardio and strength training. But like, 30 mins of cardio won't exactly do much. So I guess it's like Mon, Wed, Fri I'll do cardio for an hour, and Tues, Thursday, and Saturday, I'll do strength training for an hour? Ugh. I wish I could do more with the bonus of being at home and not at a gym with creepy guys and annoying people, haha.

While I am proud of my progress, I also feel kinda "blah", since I think everyone goes into dieting expecting miraculous results. I keep reminding myself that it took a while to put it on, it's going to take a while to get it off!

I do look a whole lot better though, I look thinner, and even feel thinner, so it's all good for me.

I have been thinking about my life and my relationship lately, and I have come to the conclusion that I am the only one who is happy for me. I sound happy, I look happy, I am happy, and no one can even fake like they are happy that I am. My mom is the worst one. Still hasn't congratulated me on my engagement, and is still disappointed in me. Yes, I am twenty, I know. I am not a moron, though. If I was closer to 25 than to 21, this would be a different story. As if people in their mid-twenties can even assume they are more ready than someone my age? Age has nothing to do with feeling in your heart if something is right. I am in no way saying that teenagers should go off an get married, but if you are not a foolish idiot, if you know the reasons why you are going into marriage, you shouldn't just not do it because other people think you shouldn't. My mom is always saying I am too young. I remind her that her mom married at 18, and her response was "it was normal then". What is normal? What makes doing something that people this day and age wouldn't necessarily do bad? She wants me to go by her clock. Marry at 25, have kids at 26, and get on with my life. So what if I marry at 20 and have kids at 26? Why is that still so bad? Because I did what she never did. She talks about how she knows how marriages go wrong because she got divorced. Was married 19 yrs and it went down, and she married at 25. My fiances parents married at 18, and they've been together for 30 years. So people who marry young will definitely fail? Nope, def. not. I wish she could see past what would make her happy, and understand that I am and she should be.

She even told me, "I am coming to your wedding no matter what", and while that is awesome, she means only if I marry at 25. If I get married next year, she will think twice about it.

You cant make everyone happy, but it sucks how some parents can't find it in their hearts to be happy for their kids. My mom is just so cynical, is always talking to me about how marriage sucks, and how my fiance is probably lying to me about everything, etc. I know her marriage sucked, but why she wants to discourage me from marrying is beyond me. Parents need to learn to let their kids go, and understand that by not supporting them, you push them away.

I have tried talking to her, and she won't listen. I am so close to just saying goodbye to her because she is so negative.

Blah.

Anyway, I am off to start making food!

Solimar