[MaddyBoo718]

My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year and a half now. We've been best friends since 3rd grade and we've always had a thing for each other. I had other boyfriends through middle and high school because I was waiting for him to make a move, but he never did. He waited for me, and we started going out because we finally told each other how we really felt about each other, and we were madly in love. It really was love, not puppy love. This past school year, ever since he started taking more honors classes, he's been under so much stress, and he has been acting so strange. He treats me like a friend, not a girlfriend, and he doesn't seem to care about me as much any more. It also seems that he doesn't really take notice of anything I do when we hang out with our friends (we have a couple of mutual friends we hang out with). Like, if I say or do anything, he'll just nod or shrug, or not really do anything. He said it was just stress, and it'll end when wrestling season does.

It hurts so much because when we finally started to go out, he did the sweetest most romantic things, always made me feel amazing about myself, and he was just... perfect, in the non-cheesy way. He said he wanted to stay with me as long as we can, and that he couldn't imagine breaking up with me, unless I wanted to. He always said he loved me.

And on Friday, we had a really long talk. I asked him what was going on, and then he had the same excuse (tired, exhausted, wrestling, stress). I asked him if his feelings for me had changed, and he said yes, they have. He says he still loves me, but that I act "immature" and I can be "annoying". I admit that sometimes I'm a bit of a clown, but no one else has ever had a problem with it. People even tell me that I'm mature for my age. I told him that I'd change and tone it down, and he said that he just wants me to be happy. I said that when he's happy with me, then I'll be happy. I know that I can change, and I know that I shouldn't compromise too much that it'll take away who I am, but I have so much faith in our relationship.

I don't know what to do. I know that I truly love him, and I know that he DOES love me, but differently now. I'm just so confused and I just needed to let it out....

[jdepp_84]

Mmm....is it just stress? And have you toned it down with your behavior? If you have done everything you can and you still feel he is acting weird then there might be more than just stress. You shouldn't change who you are just for him. How old are you? Im assuing still in high school? If so, there is a lot of time to find the "one." Dont think that he's the only one their is.

[MaddyBoo718]

I think it is just stress, and I have toned it down. I talked to him once after Friday and then saw him in school today, so I don't know if what I'm doing is having an effect just yet. He seemed ok, because I did apologize to him the next time I talked to him for pushing him to talk to me (he really didn't want to talk, and I just wanted to get it out of the way). I know I can't change who I am just for him, I just know I need to tone down my behavior a little bit. Yes, I'm still in high school (last year), and I don't know if he's "the one", I'm too young to know, and I know I have more time to find someone else, but it just hurts so much because it was so great for the first year. He says he doesn't want to break up, either. I just want to make this last as long as it can.

I sort of DO want to break up, so I can end the hurt, but we both do love each other. I just want to wait a little longer, until wrestling season ends (2 weeks!) to see what happens. If it gets worse, then I might have to. I just need to get the courage to. It's just so hard because I know there may be better people out there for me, but there are times when he's great.

[Carolyn]

Guys hate the words "Let's Talk" - puts them on the defensive.
Having said that, why not suggest to him that you want a break from him.
He'll either agree and move on or he'll say no and try to work on getting things back the way they were. In either case you'll find out what he really wants - then you can make decisions for yourself.

Best of luck hun

[S. Lisa Smith]

I'm sorry that things aren't going as well as you hoped. High School is like that. I hated it. I like the suggestion that Carolyn made. It will make things clearer for both of you.

Originally Posted by Carolyn

Guys hate the words "Let's Talk" - puts them on the defensive.
Having said that, why not suggest to him that you want a break from him.
He'll either agree and move on or he'll say no and try to work on getting things back the way they were. In either case you'll find out what he really wants - then you can make decisions for yourself.

Best of luck hun

I agree and best of luck!!

[Solimar]

Relationships can be really hard, especially in high school when you still feel there is a need to make excuses, and your feelings can change at the drop of a hat, since feelings are one of the most unreliable things to go on during a relationship. When you get older you understand that things come first and foremost other than "romantic love" or "feelings". It's kind of hard to tell your bf that you will change, because changing your personality or even an aspect of your personality is exceptionally hard to do. By not acting like your normal self, you are more prone to being unhappy, and as is he. Maybe your bf is under a lot of stress, which leads him to get all uppity about things he never seemed to care about or notice before. (When I am stressed, even people BREATHING, literally, can make me mad)

...and just as an FYI, just because you love someone and someone loves you, that doesn't mean that you are the best fit together.

Good luck with everything.

[GlossyAbby]

Relationships are tough and in high school even more. I would just be yourself and if it doesn't work out then its for the better... I couldn't imagine my life if I had stayed w/ my high school sweethearts (no offense to anyone)

[MaddyBoo718]

Thanks so much for the advice and support.

I've decided that I'm going to break up with him this Friday when I see him in person. I've done so much thinking, and I can't take this constant rejection anymore. I need someone who will love me no matter what, even if I act stupid and silly with our friends (who think it's fine and amusing, anyway). I know that he loves me, and I'll always love him, and I hope that we'll go back to being best friends again. One of the main reasons I didn't want to break up with him is because I was afraid that he'd be gone from my life. I think we just weren't meant to be together even though we love each other.

[PerfectMistake]

As they say "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they are yours!"

I am so sorry about this, though. I know how frustrating it is. I was really into someone and they started acting weird and I decided to break it off, I can't deal with that. I have much more to worry about in life than a guy who is losing him respect.

Keep your head up!! It'll be okay

[pinksugar]

keep us updated chicken.

I'm sorry that you feel like you have to break up, but it really might be for the best. You will know how he feels for sure, and you will also be able to start moving on yourself and not feel so rejected.

I can't help but think that someone who would tell you that you're 'annoying' and 'immature' sometimes is a bit of an *******, lol.

[Mod_squad]

I'm in a similar situation, and it really sucks.

[ColdDayInHell]

Maddy,

I get a gut feeling that there is more to this than your so-called "immature" and "annoying" behaviour. It seems like he might not be that into you now but he doesn't have the courage to tell you. I think this would be a good time to step back and take stock of this relationship. Whatever you decide, don't allow anybody to try to change who you are. The only person who can do that is YOU. They have to love you for who you are.

You're going to find someone who ticks all your boxes one of these days. Good luck and chin up!

[MaddyBoo718]

Well, I didn't break up with him today because he just got back from a trip, and I figured it wouldn't be fair to drop the bomb JUST when he gets back. He DID want to hang out with me today, and it was okay, but he kept up with his usual stuff. I still just feel a little belittled when I'm with him, and this whole relationship is NOT fair to me at all. And I knew immediately that this had to end when I tried kissing him, and he wasn't into it at ALL. He hadn't seen me for 5 days and he wouldn't kiss me until I kissed him. I'm going to break up with him, it just needs to be better timing, because I still want to be friends with him afterwards. I just need to get the courage to do this. I know this relationship is dying because I'm constantly sad and I want to break it off, but I just love him so much. It's really hard.

[MaddyBoo718]

Well, I did it. I broke up with him today. It went so well, too. He took it well, and he agreed that we would be better off as friends again. And so far, it hasn't been awkward at all. It sucks a lot, but we both agreed that even if we did love each other, that didn't mean we could make it as a couple. He thanked me for the best year and a half of his life, and he said that I was a "very special person", and that he didn't want me to change who I was just for him. He's too sweet, but I'm so glad it went well.

[Carolyn]

I'm glad that things went well for you hun. I know this can be a difficult time.
Post anytime - we're all behind you.