[PrettyFlowers]

I wanted to ask is it normal that after a couple of weeks or months that you find that your man does not put enough effort into the relationship?

I found with my guy, he does not want to kiss and cuddle as much as he used to. These are small things but that was part of what made me attracted to him.

[pinksugar]

haha! yes! obviously it depends on his personality which area of your relationship he starts putting less work into. A lot of it for my bf is he wont dress up nicely, we don't go out very often, that kind of thing.. but I guess it's just a case of him feeling comfortable with me. He no longer feels like I'm going to dump him at any minute, so he feels safe in putting less effort in.

I'm lucky because those areas only frustrate me sometimes, not ALL the time, so I consider his security with me a fair tradeoff, but if it was a different area (definately affection for me, I'm super affectionate) then I'd get irritated.

all I can suggest is that you talk to him about it and tell him that it upsets you. Best of luck, you're totally not the only one experiencing this!

[Carolyn]

I find that a lot of men equate cuddling with foreplay.
And women equate cuddling to affection.

If he thinks the cuddling will lead to sex, he's all for it.
If he knows cuddling is just that, he may not be interested as it may be too teasing - in his mind.
Or he is not comfortable with just giving affection.
He might have been raised by parents that did not demonstrate affection to each other.

I agree with Pinksugar. Lots of couples go through this whether they are starting out or have been together fo a long time.

[PrettyFlowers]

Thanks PinkSugar! You are right.....I mentioned to him my observation and noticed that he made more of an effort.

I can't help but think of Donald Trump and his last ex. He said that no effort is needed in a relationship and Marla said that you always have to work on the relationship.

[Darla_G]

Originally Posted by PrettyFlowers

I wanted to ask is it normal that after a couple of weeks or months that you find that your man does not put enough effort into the relationship?

I found with my guy, he does not want to kiss and cuddle as much as he used to. These are small things but that was part of what made me attracted to him.

Hey to take the guy's side here why don't you just tell him! I think it sometimes both of you can fall into a comfortable routine, but if that's the way you feel he may not realize it.

Originally Posted by Carolyn

I find that a lot of men equate cuddling with foreplay.
And women equate cuddling to affection.

If he thinks the cuddling will lead to sex, he's all for it.
If he knows cuddling is just that, he may not be interested as it may be too teasing - in his mind.
Or he is not comfortable with just giving affection.
He might have been raised by parents that did not demonstrate affection to each other.

I would agree with these statements.

Why make some little gesture early in the day and plant that seed of anticipation. If you do it right it will be the only thing on his mind all day.

[PrettyFlowers]

Originally Posted by Darla_G

Hey to take the guy's side here why don't you just tell him! I think it sometimes both of you can fall into a comfortable routine, but if that's the way you feel he may not realize it.

I would agree with this statement. Why make some little gesture early in the day and plant that seed of anticipation. If you do it right it will be the only thing on his mind all day.

Right on, Darla!

[Adrienne]

Originally Posted by Darla_G

Hey to take the guy's side here why don't you just tell him! I think it sometimes both of you can fall into a comfortable routine, but if that's the way you feel he may not realize it.

I would agree with this statement. Why make some little gesture early in the day and plant that seed of anticipation. If you do it right it will be the only thing on his mind all day.

I definitely agree with this!!! No person in this world is a mindreader much less men. Women, obviously, can pick better in communication skills than men (sometimes we pick up too much that's not there lol) Me and my husband have been together for 4 years and some months now and every couple months or so we fall into "the routine" where everything is predictable and comfortable. But of course, me being more affectionate and cuddly and needing that in return, always remind him that he better keep doing what he did to get me in the first place. So he puts back in the effort. The same thing with him. If he feels that I'm no longer showering him with the attention he needs, no matter what area it is whether it be emotional (and men do have emotions as my husband has taught me), physical or mentally, he lets me know. Just bring up and say "remember when we used too...? Why don't we do that again?" Or set mini goals like a date night or a certain day you both take a lunch together.

[PrettyFlowers]

Originally Posted by ag10v

I definitely agree with this!!! No person in this world is a mindreader much less men. Women, obviously, can pick better in communication skills than men (sometimes we pick up too much that's not there lol) Me and my husband have been together for 4 years and some months now and every couple months or so we fall into "the routine" where everything is predictable and comfortable. But of course, me being more affectionate and cuddly and needing that in return, always remind him that he better keep doing what he did to get me in the first place. So he puts back in the effort. The same thing with him. If he feels that I'm no longer showering him with the attention he needs, no matter what area it is whether it be emotional (and men do have emotions as my husband has taught me), physical or mentally, he lets me know. Just bring up and say "remember when we used too...? Why don't we do that again?" Or set mini goals like a date night or a certain day you both take a lunch together.

That is a really good suggestion on......'remember we used to....? and why don't we do _______ that again..."
I did that two days ago and I noticed a difference yesterday.

[Ricci]

Yup! Its took us almost 10 yrs to become more established and him to mature he was 21 when I first met him I was around 29

[Darla_G]

Good it looks like my work is done here! LOL




seriously thanks for letting me insert my 2cents here.

[PrettyFlowers]

Originally Posted by Darla_G

Good it looks like my work is done here! LOL




seriously thanks for letting me insert my 2cents here.

Your welcome! Any help from you is greatly appreciated.

[laurreenn]

me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and a half, and the affection hasn't faded. i think it's because it's important to me.