[Jesskaa]

Bascially, i just got out of my first actual.. relationship.
It was long distance, and yeah i know they don't [but sometimes can] work. We were friends for like six months.. 3 of them when he lived here, then he moved.. and the next 3 we spent talking and everything. Then we went out for like 2 months. He lived like, 2 hours away? It wasn't a big deal, he had family down here but i only saw him like a very little amount.
but, i dealt with it. And basically, now.. i realize i got used big time. I guess in the start he didn't mean to, but he was my bestfriend for a long time, then my boyfriend.. and it was talking every day and i told him everything. And when he came to visit me, the last time i give it up to him. I wasn't like pressured into it, or anything, i'd say something if i was. Two weeks later, he left me for another girl, because we weren't getting along and he was just getting on my last nerve. But he told me, we could be bestfriend and have a break until summer.. and summer is when he's going to visit. I wanted to believe him, i didn't want to just let go.
but i knew deep inside, i got played.. he was still playing me because i was still holding on and he was still saying he loved me. And i was doing the calling, he could treat me unbelievably awful, and i would still let it happen.
I talked to my brother about all this, and he told me there just shouldn't be anymore of me trying to get away from him, and i just need too.
I mean, i cry constantly, and im hurt. And he said it would be better to be hurt and upset over not talking to him; then to talk to him and be fed the same load of bullsh**.

But, it hurts.. it hurts so bad.
and it's not the idea of the fact i gave it up to him.
i know he didn't come into this knowing he'd get all this outta me.
but, he always get mad at he for caring "too much" for him.
which should have truely been my first clue.
Commitment isn't his thing.
and now, im suffering.

=( how do you heal a broken heart?

I'm trying soo hard not to call him. It hurts.

[PRETTYSECRETS21]

I think every woman feels this way at some point in her life.

Chalk it up as learning experience and grow from it.

Its always tough the first few weeks after a break up but I promise you it will get better.

And your brother couldn't be more right! Its better to be alone and hurt than with someone and hurt.

[KellyB]

Time is the only thing that makes it better. DO NOT CALL HIM!!!!! Learn from this painful mistake. You are young and beautiful and will find another person. A better one that is deserving of you. Don't degrade yourself by bothering someone who doesn't want you anymore. I'm sorry Jess. I don't mean that to sound harsh. I feel for you. My heart has been ripped out of me more than once but it does get better. It will get better but do take my advice. I haven't lived all these years without gaining a little wisdom and I know you will get the same advice from others. We are here to listen if you need us. Sorry sweetie {{{{hugs}}}}

[Jesskaa]

I'm trying, it's 7:30, and i get home at 3:30, and no phone call.

i just hate this crying.
i hate thinking, that i could have saved this.
i could have stopped this.

i didn't diserve this.
i didn't do anything.
whats so wrong with me, so him to not want me.

i hate it.
my god, i hate it.

it makes me sick to stomach.
to know i believed everything, he said.
and i cry so hard, i just feel like im not even breathing anymore. i hate it.

i just didn't do anything.
i gave him everything.
and i don't regret giving him everything.

it hurts. it hurts me.

[KellyB]

Ok. Here goes. I did the same exact thing you did and got the same exact treatment. I was 16. he was a jerk about it and I cried for days. Don't make me drive up there and take your phone away from you. Trust me!!!! you will feel worse if you call b/c you won't get the response you want. Take the high road on this one. You will come out of it looking like the mature one. Fake it if you have to. Cry at home but don't let him know it. I hate games and dont condone them but this is more about dignity than games.

[Jesskaa]

I'm trying not to call. I'm trying. I'm trying not to cry.
and im trying not to hate or blame myself.
and im trying to think of that fact, i did give my everything.. and he didn't deserve it, so he doesn't deserve to hear my voice ever again. I know this.
But it hurts, i used to be at the top of his list. Now, im not. Now, I'm nothing.
everything he told me was lies.
the kid, i knew.. doesn't exist.

and i wont get my goodnight, tonight or anything other night.

I'm trying to be happy, i act happy in school.
I do everything right until 6'oclock comes, i start bawling.
i start crying.
i start hurting.

[MsCuppyCakes]

I applaud your brother for being there for you and honest. You will move past this. It won't hurt forever. Do something to keep yourself busy. But cry if you feel like crying.

[KellyB]

Well it's ok to cry and you will have good nights again. I don't want to come off like your mother talking to you but I promise that you will move on from this. It will be difficult and next time you see him or hear his voice you will want to throw up but that gets better too. Don't look back on what has already happened. It's over with. You have to keep going. His loss. For real. You are better than that.

[Jesskaa]

I know, i'll move on.. and be happy, and be okay.
and enjoy my life.


but, what do i do know.
sit here and cry, and cry and cry.
ughhh.

[polaroidscene]

Just force yourself to not think about him or the situation my ex and i were in a long distance relationship for 2 years and it ended 3 months ago...trust me im going through this just keep busy busy busy and if he creeps in your mind say to yourself NOOOOOOOOOOO lol and do not call him it is hard but if he wanted to talk to you than he would make a effort to contact you not to sound harsh either but its true a lot of people use the friendship line to not sound mean...just cheer up my dear you will only grow from this

[Carolyn]

I'm sorry you are hurting honey.

You are getting great advice. The only thing I can add is put everything that reminds you of him, in a box/bag, and put away in the closet.
Out of sight- out of mind.

[Jesskaa]

I did put everything away.
I did that awhile ago.

and it didn't exactly help all that much.
i hate everything so badly right now.

[pinksugar]

awww, Jess, I'm so sorry. I agree that every woman feels like this at some point. I remember feeling stupid for believing him, and feeling used.

Cry as much as you want, hun, it will help you to heal. I wish I could say something to take the pain away but there isn't anything.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Listen to your MUT friends, they are right. Listen to yourself:
"just because the wall in front of you is high, still jump over it. just because they say you'll hurt yourself, don't let that stop you. all you gotta do is get a running start and put all you got into it. act like your running from the police. i swear you'll make it." You can do it, we can help!

[Ricci]

Expecting a male teen to commit is asking a lot
Maturity has a lot to do with it.. I know this is hard but try not to expect commitments untill your in your 20's
this is IMHO only
Im sorry your hurting