[stellargirl9]

My man swears he is faithful. We have been together for two years. We spend practically every evening together and he showers me with love, attention, love letters, etc.... fast forward to last weekend. He went to a party and apparently met a girl there that he is interested in. Keep in mind he is 32 and she is 19. I didn't find out about him meeting this girl until 3 days ago when he accidently sent me an email intended for her. In it he stated how much fun he had, called her a pretty girl and said he would love to hang out sometime. Needless to say I flipped out and called him to confront him. He swears it was innocent and that she is just a "cool chick" and he meant nothing by it but as a friend. Hmmm. Red flags in high alert for me. SO I start checking his email. She wrote him back saying "sorry I can't go out on a date with you. You are a little too old for me. Ive spoken to my mom about it and she is furious. I hope you don't hate me. I think you are a sweet guy and dead funny. I would like to keep in touch" ....ok now to me it sounded like she is blowing him off (even tho his email never specifically said "a date" so I don't know where she is getting that from. Nothing more until this morning when my man writes her back saying he just wants to be friends, that he isnt a dirty old man, that he thinks she is totally interesting, first interesting girl he has met in a long time and would she like to get together for a movie. ............ WTF, didnt he take her hint? And why is he still pursuing it after her mail? And why is he doing this to me? Does anyone think I am overreacting here? I dont know why he is doing this to me and my heart is breaking. What should I do? PLEASE PLEASE help!

[AngelaGM]

I think you need to confront your boyfriend and ask him about his flirtation with this girl. Try to remain calm. I know that this is easier said than done. But I will be thinking about you. Please IM or PM if you need to talk.

[pinksugar]

mmm, agreed, massive red flags for me. Maybe he couldn't stand the thought of being completely blown off like that, and so to save face he asked her to go to a movie as if to say, it wasnt a DATE, just as friends.

Either way, I would not be happy if I discovered that. The only thing I can think of to do, is to sit down and remain totally calm, and say to him 'look, you asking her to go to the movies alone with you is something that really upset me. If you do anything like that again, then you will KNOW you are hurting me, and you will have no excuse. If you choose to contact her again then you will be aware of how it is making me feel, and I may choose to end the relationship.'

I personally feel that 19 is not TOO young for 32, IF he was single, but he's not. He's supposed to be more mature than to be running after teenage girls. I'd be hella pissed off.

Best of luck chicken, definately keep us updated!

[stellargirl9]

Originally Posted by AngelaGM

I think you need to confront your boyfriend and ask him about his flirtation with this girl. Try to remain calm. I know that this is easier said than done. But I will be thinking about you. Please IM or PM if you need to talk.

I have confronted him and he totally denies pursuing her. but it totally seems and feels like he is. I am falling apart so bad over here.

Originally Posted by pinksugar

mmm, agreed, massive red flags for me. Maybe he couldn't stand the thought of being completely blown off like that, and so to save face he asked her to go to a movie as if to say, it wasnt a DATE, just as friends.

Either way, I would not be happy if I discovered that. The only thing I can think of to do, is to sit down and remain totally calm, and say to him 'look, you asking her to go to the movies alone with you is something that really upset me. If you do anything like that again, then you will KNOW you are hurting me, and you will have no excuse. If you choose to contact her again then you will be aware of how it is making me feel, and I may choose to end the relationship.'

I personally feel that 19 is not TOO young for 32, IF he was single, but he's not. He's supposed to be more mature than to be running after teenage girls. I'd be hella pissed off.

Best of luck chicken, definately keep us updated!

thanks. i just don't know what to do and wish i could find a way to divert this situation from happening.

[pinksugar]

I know exactly how you must feel! in my experience though, you have to just sit tight and wait things out. If he really denies it, then it might just blow over and be a once off thing - what he might see as a last fling before getting super serious with you.

On the other hand, it might be a sign of his becoming more and more of an *******. The only thing I have said to my boyfriend is, "if you do go on a date with some other chick, pash her, screw her, well I might not ever find out. But you'd know in your heart that I would break up with you if you ever treated me like that and I discovered it. Could you continue to go out with me, knowing that what you'd done had ruined our relationship?"

it's like someone who wants to commit murder - people need to make their own mistakes, you can't stop something before it's happened, all you can do is inform them of the consequences of the actions they're thinking about, and hope for the best

best of luck though!

[stellargirl9]

Originally Posted by pinksugar

I know exactly how you must feel! in my experience though, you have to just sit tight and wait things out. If he really denies it, then it might just blow over and be a once off thing - what he might see as a last fling before getting super serious with you.

On the other hand, it might be a sign of his becoming more and more of an *******. The only thing I have said to my boyfriend is, "if you do go on a date with some other chick, pash her, screw her, well I might not ever find out. But you'd know in your heart that I would break up with you if you ever treated me like that and I discovered it. Could you continue to go out with me, knowing that what you'd done had ruined our relationship?"

it's like someone who wants to commit murder - people need to make their own mistakes, you can't stop something before it's happened, all you can do is inform them of the consequences of the actions they're thinking about, and hope for the best

best of luck though!

You are right. But God waiting things out is so much easier said then done. I'm crying my eyes out and can't stop obsessing.

[pinksugar]

aww, hun, don't cry! most things worth doing are easier said than done!

what I would do, is to let my bf know how his behaviour has affected me. He might not even realise how upset he's made you.

I Really hope everything works out for you.

[stellargirl9]

Originally Posted by pinksugar

aww, hun, don't cry! most things worth doing are easier said than done!

what I would do, is to let my bf know how his behaviour has affected me. He might not even realise how upset he's made you.

I Really hope everything works out for you.

I've let him know how i feel and he says I am being irrational and way too intense about something innocent. But I don't think its innocent. I do know I need to not bring the girl up to him anymore as its bringing life and validity to the whole situation. I am praying what happens is she reads that email he sent replying to her basically telling him no and he is too old for her and think he is weird and not reply. He sounds desperate to write that back after what she said. And the surrealness of it all to me its that its MY man doing this.

[vickih]

well if this is just a "friendship" as he says, how come in her response she doesn't say anything about " I can't go out with you because you have a GIRLFRIEND" but instead says "because you are too old for me"? so I'm thinking that he didn't even tell her that he has you.
Sometimes it's hard for a woman to think that her man will cheat on her. But your instincts and the red flags I think are dead on. Even if you confront him he will never admit the truth because the email doesn't necessarily say "let's date" so he will deny deny deny. If I were you, I would not say anything for now, but just keep on eye on everything. If he thinks that you have forgotten about it, if he is persuing her then he will make his move, and if he doesn't make a move then you have your answer.

But really what 32 year old man wants just friendship with a 19 year old?

keep strong chicken (as Rosie likes to say). You are a fabulous girl, and if he is wanting to cheat on you, it really has nothing to do with you but everything to do with him and his insecurities and him just being a man. But if you do find out that he is going after her, even just for a last time fling, you need to dump his sorry a**, for treating a great girl like you like crap. No one deserves that. And do you really want to be with someone who would do that to you?
Keep us posted!

[stellargirl9]

Originally Posted by vickih

well if this is just a "friendship" as he says, how come in her response she doesn't say anything about " I can't go out with you because you have a GIRLFRIEND" but instead says "because you are too old for me"? so I'm thinking that he didn't even tell her that he has you.
Sometimes it's hard for a woman to think that her man will cheat on her. But your instincts and the red flags I think are dead on. Even if you confront him he will never admit the truth because the email doesn't necessarily say "let's date" so he will deny deny deny. If I were you, I would not say anything for now, but just keep on eye on everything. If he thinks that you have forgotten about it, if he is persuing her then he will make his move, and if he doesn't make a move then you have your answer.

But really what 32 year old man wants just friendship with a 19 year old?

keep strong chicken (as Rosie likes to say). You are a fabulous girl, and if he is wanting to cheat on you, it really has nothing to do with you but everything to do with him and his insecurities and him just being a man. But if you do find out that he is going after her, even just for a last time fling, you need to dump his sorry a**, for treating a great girl like you like crap. No one deserves that. And do you really want to be with someone who would do that to you?
Keep us posted!

Thats the thing, I dont think he told her about me, and i dont know what he was thinking or why he did this. i just pray nothing happens and she ignores him and he realizes what a fool he is being. ive given 2 years of my life to this man and this is hurting me so bad. and as recently as 5 minutes ago he is still assuring me i am the only girl for him, that he wants to marry me and that he loves me with all of his heart. Says i am being jealous and paranoid over nothing.

[emily_3383]

He sounds like he doesnt want to grow up at 32 so hes looking for someone younger. He will realize shes too immature for him and try to crawl back to you. ugh Thats just my take on it.

[stellargirl9]

Originally Posted by emily_3383

He sounds like he doesnt want to grow up at 32 so hes looking for someone younger. He will realize shes too immature for him and try to crawl back to you. ugh Thats just my take on it.

i pray you are right. I am over here practically killing myself over it....i havent eaten a bite of food in three days, I am smoking cigarettes back to back, i am unable to focus on anything else but him and I truly feel i am having a mental breakdown. I cant even get dressed. i have no friends I can talk to about it. i am really falling apart. i made him my life as stupid as it sounds and i cant lose him yet at same time i am so furious with him.

[Aprill]

There is only one key point in this whole thing that bothers me= the mentioning of you. She didnt reject him because he was with someone, which means that he didnt even mention that he was with someone....which means that he dosent really care of whether or not he hurts you.

I know that what is going on right now is hurting, but I think that confronting him is esentially pointless. Asking him about all of this will do nothing more but give him the opportunity to cook up lies. Be strong and drop his ass. Calm down, meditate, dont starve yourself, put the cigarettes down. Yeah I know all of this hurts. It is going to for a while, but if I may ask, where is he at when all this is going on? Does he notice that you are upset? What is his reaction? Does he even care? Never make a man your main focus.