[Aquilah]

What Makes a Man Marry?

Posted Tue, Jan 15, 2008, 8:37 am PST

I have a friend who spent two weeks in Europe with his girlfriend, and some of it didn't go too well. He didn't like the haircut she got pre-trip.

She didn't like the way his eye wandered on the streets of Paris. They fought some. So when my friend got back home, he asked a wise friend (no, certainly not me) what he should do.

Here's the advice he got: Every relationship is going to come up against some obstacles. They'll either break it up, or make it stronger. If it ends, it wasn't meant to be. If you push through, the relationship will be better than ever.

That's stuck with me for a long time, in part because my friend is now 21 years into marriage with that one-time girlfriend. So I'm just guessing that their relationship grew stronger when they faced obstacles. What made the difference for my friend, and for guys in general, when they face that step-up or break-up moment? Here are some ideas....

Marriage Maker 1: (In)dependence
Guys like all the things that can come with marriage - the companionship, the safety, a guarantee of having good sheets on the bed and good reasons to change them. But one of the things they fear the most: that they're going to feel more constricted than David Blaine in an ice block.

While most men understand that being married doesn't mean that they can play six nights a week like they did in their bachelor days, they also want to feel like they have the blessing, support, and encouragement to play golf with their pals every once in a while, to knock a few back at the sports bar when the big game is on, to still feel free even when they've willingly surrendered some independence.

Marriage Maker 2: Adoring, Yet Not Needy
Few things turn a guy on as much as a woman who makes her man feel like he's the only guy for her. And few things turn off a guy as much as a woman who makes her man feel like he's the only guy for her.

Right, both statements are the same, but hugely different. It all has to do with where the woman and man are coming from. If they're equals, they're not making undue claims on each other, and they can be an even stronger pair. If either one of them is weak and needy, however, that emotional burden can drag both partners down. So, throw your partner some compliments and some assurances, but don't tell him the planets spin around him.

He knows they don't, and will question your sanity if you say they do. Especially at the start of a relationship, it won't hurt for him to know that you're perfectly OK without him, thank you very much, but that it's more fun when you're together. A light touch early can produce strong bonds later.

Marriage Maker 3: An Imaginative Mind
There's a lot of press these days about men who worry about dating successful women, that they feel their masculinity is threatened if their women make more money or have more power. To that I say baloney (low-fat).

Men are very turned on by women who have big goals, big dreams, and big imaginations - whether they're career-oriented or not. Because when a woman is driven, that means that she's moving forward, and the whole family is, too.

Marriage Maker 4: Jekyll and Hyde
Not that we want our partners to flip-flop and pretend to be people they're not, but there's something intrinsically exciting about a partner who has the ability to be a sort of chameleon - a little fun and imaginative in bed, yet charming at a family reunion.

It's the all-in-one woman who can equally pull off the roles of wife, mother, boss, friend, neighbor, vixen. That's not asking too much, is it? After all, if a guy is going to commit for a lifetime, he'll want his partner to be able to react to a lifetime's worth of challenges and opportunities, right?

Show him you've got that going, and the relationship will last a long time (if he knows what's good for him). And be warned: He may give you a pre-nuptial pop quiz straight from Men's Health to see if you're the one for him. Here's a look - it's a great test to give your guy, too. Will your romance pass the test?

SOURCE

[Solimar]

I think that a lot of people don't understand some of those simple concepts, or other simple concepts that will get a man to not be so unwilling to marry or to stay married. While you have a life with someone, you also have a life of your own, and I think that guys especially need to know that their woman doesn't mind that, and that they accept that having your own personality and alone time is something to be valued. As for being imaginative, that is what keeps things alive -- definitely key.

[CellyCell]

I just read this on my yahoo thingy...

I find some of it to be true, like the independence one is a big yeppers.
The rest is give and take depending on the person and relationship.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Originally Posted by CellyCell

I just read this on my yahoo thingy...

I find some of it to be true, like the independence one is a big yeppers.
The rest is give and take depending on the person and relationship.

So true!!