[Tony(admin)]

What are the long term effects on my baby of sharing a bed?

While advocates of solitary infant sleeping arrangements have claimed any number of benefits of infant sleeping alone, the truth o the matter is, none of these supposed benefits have been shown to be true through scientific studies. The great irony is that, not only have benefits of solitary infant sleep NOT be demonstrated - simply assumed to be true, but recent studies are beginning to show the opposite that is, it is not, for example, solitary sleeping arrangements that produce strong independence, social competence, feeling of high self esteem,good comportment by children in school, ability to handle stress, strong gender or sex identities - but it is social or cosleeping patterns that might, indeed, contribute to the emergence of these characteristics. Consider, for example:

* Heron's (1) recent cross-sectional study of middle class English children shows that amongst the children who "never" slept in their parents bed there was a trend to be harder to control, less happy, exhibit a greater number of tantrums. Moreover, he found that those children who never were permitted to bed-share were actually more fearful than children who always slept in their parents bed, for all of the night (1).

* In a survey of adult college age subjects, Lewis and Janda (2) report that males who coslept with their parents between birth and five years of age had significantly higher self-esteem, experienced less guilt and anxiety, and reported greater frequency of sex. Boys who coslept between 6 and 11 years of age also had higher self-esteem. For women, cosleeping during childhood was associated with less discomfort about physical contact and affection as adults. (While these traits may be confounded by parental attitudes, such findings are clearly inconsistent with the folk belief that cosleeping has detrimental long-term effects on psycho-social development.

* Crawford (3) found that women who coslept as children had higher self
esteem than those who did not. Indeed, cosleeping appears to promote confidence, self-esteem, and intimacy, possibly by reflecting an attitude of parental acceptance (Lewis and Janda 1988).

* A study of parents of 86 children in clinics of pediatrics and child psychiatry (ages 2-13 years) on military bases (offspring of military personnel) revealed that cosleeping children received higher evaluations of their comportment from their teachers than did solitary sleeping children, and they were underrepresented in psychiatric populations compared with children who did not cosleep. The authors state: "Contrary to expectations, those children who had not had previous professional attention for emotional or behavioral problems coslept more frequently than did children who were known to have had psychiatric intervention, and lower parental ratings of adaptive functioning. The same finding occurred in a sample of boys one might consider "Oedipal victors" (e.g. 3 year old and older boys who sleep with their mothers in the absence of their fathers)--a finding which directly opposes traditional analytic thought" (4).

* Again, in England Heron (1) found that it was the solitary sleeping children who were harder to handle (as reported by their parents) and who dealt less well with stress, and who were rated as being more (not less) dependent on their parents than were the cosleepers!

* And in the largest and possible most systematic study to date, conducted on five different ethnic groups from both Chicago and New York involving over 1,400 subjects Mosenkis (5) found far more positive adult outcomes for individuals who coslept as a child, among almost all ethnic groups (African Americans and Puerto Ricans in New York, Puerto Ricans,, Dominicans, and Mexicans in Chicago ) than there were negative findings. An especially robust finding which cut across all the ethnic groups included in the study was that cosleepers exhibited a feeling of satisfaction with life,. But Mosenkis's main finding went beyond trying to determine easy causal links between sleeping arrangements and adult characteristics or experiences. Perhaps his most important finding was that the interpretation of "outcome" of cosleeping had to be understood within the context specific to each cultural milieu, and within the context of the nature of social relationships the child has with its family members! For the most part,s, therefore, it is probably true that neither social sleep (cosleeping) or solitary sleep as a child correlates with anything in any simple or direct way. Rather, sleeping arrangements can enhance or exacerbate the kind of relationships that characterize the child's daytime relationships and that, therefore, no one "function' can be associated with sleeping arrangements. Rather than assuming that sleeping arrangement produces a particular "type" person it is probably more accurate to think of sleeping arrangements as part of a larger system of affection and that it is altogether this larger system of attachment relationships, interacting with the child's own special characteristics that produces adult characteristics.

References Cited

1. Heron P. Nonreactive CO-sleeping and Child Behavior: Getting a Good Night's Sleep All Night Every Night. Masters Thesis, University of Bristol, Bristol, United Kingdom , 1994.

2. Crawford, M. Parenting practices in the Basque country: Implications of infant and childhood sleeping location for personality development. Ethos 1994, 22;1:42- 82.

3. Lewis RJ, LH Janda. The relationship between adult sexual adjustment and childhood experience regarding exposure to nudity, sleeping in the parental bed, and parental attitudes toward sexuality. Arch Sex Beh 1988; 17:349-363.. Crawford, M. Parenting practices in the Basque country: Implications of infant and childhood sleeping location for personality development.

4.. Forbes JF, Weiss DS, Folen RA. The CO-sleeping habits of military children. Military Medicine 1992; 157:196-200.

5. Mosenkis, J The Effects of Childhood Cosleeping On Later Life Development 1998.
Masters Thesis. University of Chicago. Department of Human Development
James McKenna

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[Ricci]

I think people look into things way too much ( meaning the article)lol..
Its ok at randoms times thats about it

[Carolyn]

My son slept with my husband and I, from birth to age 2.
I split up from my husband when my son turned 2.
My son still slept beside me until he was three.
My husband insisted that our son sleep in his own bed, when they were together.

I found that my son was very content little boy. He never fussed when it was time for us to go to sleep. And he would sleep through the night.

.................................................. .......

I have a married friend that has an 8 year old daughter.
The mom and daughter have always slept together and the father sleeps in another room.

Because this situation has been going on for so long, I am unsure if this arrangment is healthy for any of them. My friend has said she doesn't even know when she last was intimate with her husband.
The little girl loves being with mom and refuses to sleep in her own room.
And neither of the parents want to be authoritative and force her to sleep in her own room.

When is the right age to give up the family bed?

[bella1342]

Originally Posted by Carolyn

I have a married friend that has an 8 year old daughter.
The mom and daughter have always slept together and the father sleeps in another room.

Because this situation has been going on for so long, I am unsure if this arrangment is healthy for any of them. My friend has said she doesn't even know when she last was intimate with her husband.
The little girl loves being with mom and refuses to sleep in her own room.
And neither of the parents want to be authoritative and force her to sleep in her own room.

When is the right age to give up the family bed?

I have to agree with you here... my cousin slept in bed with her mom until she was 14 years old... closer to 14 1/2 actually. That is so not normal. She's just a spoiled brat who gets everything she wants from her parent's, and now she demands her friends do whatever she wants too. She's lazy, bossy, and relies on everyone else for everything. Surprisingly the parents still have a good relationship-- I think so anyway. My cousin is messed up IMO... i don't know. My aunt used to beg her to sleep in her own room too...as she got older anyway. My cousin wouldn't though.

My son slept with us for the first year, but I finally put him in his own room, and he loves it. He loves his crib. I think I was scared he'd turn into my cousin. Anyway, he is the happiest child ever, and I think his self-esteem is awesome.

[daer0n]

My kids all have very good self esteem, the oldest one never slept in my bed with me, and he was always ok with sleeping in his own bed, he was always pretty happy, my other two little ones have NEVER slept with us, EXCEPT when they were feeling sick, that's about it, maybe two times each. I have never allowed them to sleep with us because, one: i think parents deserve their own privacy, two: it's ok to feel and want to be the best parent in the world but that IMO doesn't mean that your kids have to sleep with you in your bed to give them reassurance, reinforce their self esteem, or have a better development, and three: i think sleeping in their own bedroom gives them a feeling of independance which they will need in the future anyways when they grow up and they decide to move out of their parents place, to either study or start a new/their own life either alone or with the person that they love.
I think that letting them sleep in your bed [with mom and dad] just reinforces a bratty "i can do whatever i want and will always get whatever i want/ask/need" kind of attitude, but that is just my personal opinion cause i have seen this behaviour in other kids that sleep in their parents bed, they always got away with doing whatever they wanted to do and there was no stopping them and that is how they grew up.

[Lia]

It depends on the way mom and dad put the things. Like that: when we were babies, we used to sleep on our cribs, next to their bed. When we became old enough to know how to walk in the middle of the night from our bedroom to theirs, we were put on our room. But my mom never complained when we went in the middle of the night to sleep with her - in fact, it was a bit common that all 3 of us would lay on the bed with our mom. And we knew that door closed - no baby on the bed (so we went to sleep with the sisters - it was quite common all 3 of us sharing the same single bed).

There's also the fact that my dad almost never shares the bed with my mom - he has back problems and prefer to sleep on another' thing' that i don't remember the name in english.

I rambled and i rambled and in the end didn't conclude anything. What i meant to say was: it was a perfectly healthy settlement we had with our mom - we slept with her till we wanted to (sometimes when i wake up on the middle of the night scared by a nightmare, i still want to , but mom snores a lot, LOL) but not every single night and we were able to sleep by ourselves if we wanted to.

[bella1342]

I totally agree with you Nury!

[MakeupByMonet]

I think its all B.s whether or not your child sleeps with the parents or not!!!! Thats not gona determine how your child acts in life.........Are you kidding me?lol its never one thing that proves how your child is gona act & of course here everyone who "Never" had their child sleep with them is gona say "my kid is independant & my kid this", & " kids who sleeps with parents aRE THIS or that".........as well as those whos kids slept with them are gona say "my kids are more confident " & so on!!!!! Ive known kids that have co-slept & not & they are Bratty & spoiled & at times can be rude or annoying..........THEIR KIDS !!!!!

[brewgrl]

I don't care- I am using this article against my husband!!! I love those moments when Maverick is actually sleeping next to me... he's the most enjoyable little thing to cuddle, and I have no idea if it affects his day, but as for me- i am a much happier mother when I go to work.

Maverick has slept in his own crib since we brought him home, but man, i love cuddling with that little dude whenever I can get away with it.

[AngelaGM]

I think it fosters independence if babies sleep by themselves but then again I am just a step parent.

[CellyCell]

In Psychology class, I learned that self-esteem came from the relationship parents had with their child besides outside influence. Not from sleeping arrangements, that's a first.

I dunno about that article. It could be true - being more affectionate makes a happier child.

[Darla_G]

I tend to agree with Monet that whatever decision you make whether the baby will sleep with you or not will not determine future behavior. i am a restless sleeper who also sleepwalks and there is no way i wanted an infant in our bed. We would even feed our kids at night in there own room if they woke up. This worked well for us and i wouldn't make recommendations for anyone else.

[kdmakeuparts]

Originally Posted by daer0n

My kids all have very good self esteem, the oldest one never slept in my bed with me, and he was always ok with sleeping in his own bed, he was always pretty happy, my other two little ones have NEVER slept with us, EXCEPT when they were feeling sick, that's about it, maybe two times each. I have never allowed them to sleep with us because, one: i think parents deserve their own privacy, two: it's ok to feel and want to be the best parent in the world but that IMO doesn't mean that your kids have to sleep with you in your bed to give them reassurance, reinforce their self esteem, or have a better development, and three: i think sleeping in their own bedroom gives them a feeling of independance which they will need in the future anyways when they grow up and they decide to move out of their parents place, to either study or start a new/their own life either alone or with the person that they love.
I think that letting them sleep in your bed [with mom and dad] just reinforces a bratty "i can do whatever i want and will always get whatever i want/ask/need" kind of attitude, but that is just my personal opinion cause i have seen this behaviour in other kids that sleep in their parents bed, they always got away with doing whatever they wanted to do and there was no stopping them and that is how they grew up.

I total