[Reija]

This is the OFFICIAL ATTACHMENT PARENTING Thread!!!

This thread is intended for parents to practice attachment parenting or are interested in learning about it.

Attachment Parenting is very close to our heart and is something that we practice with our kids. The benefits of attachment parenting are unbelievable for the child as well as the parents. The child learns to be close to and attached to parents and the parents learn to be in tune with the child learning the characteristics of the child which in turn helps them parent the child better. There are several levels of attachment parenting and some parents prefer to practice it all when others choose only a few things that they like and fits their lifestyle. The elements are baby wearing (carrying the baby in a sling or carrier), extended breastfeeding (past 12 months, usually 2-3 years) with the emphasis on child lead weaning not parent lead, co-sleeping in the parents bed or in a co-sleeper by the parent's bed (during infancy and sometimes beyond depending on the child's sleep needs). We have chosen to do all these for our child and the new baby coming along. We have seen the benefits of this style of parenting with our 5-year old and can't wait to do it again with the new baby girl. The difference between attachment parented babies/kids vs sleep trained kids is like night and day. The sleep trained(training babies to sleep through the night and crying themselves to sleep, etc) babies struggle with emotional attachment throughout out their whole life as well as other trust issues because they never learn to trust the caregiver for comfort. The attachment parented child on the other hand feels confident about him or herself and can spend the energy on learning instead of worrying whether the parents will be there for him to comfort him in need. From a crowd of kids you can usually pick out the attachment parented kids right away because they act so different. They are caring and compasionate and listen to their parents very well. The kids who don't care about others and their feelings are many times the kids who were left to cry it out in their cribs. They weren't care for as infants so why should they bother to care about others and their feelings.

The leader and educator in attachment parenting is Dr. William Sears. He is the most famous pediatrician in the USA and he happens to be our child's pediatrician as well. He has written over 30 books(that are found in most retailers as in Target) about child rearing and attachment parenting. We feel very lucky to have him as our pediatrician. He has a wonderful website with so much information from medicine dosage to childhood illnesses and parenting, www.askdrsears.com.

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WHAT ATTACHMENT PARENTING IS –THE 7 BABY B'S
Attachment parenting is a style of caring for your infant that brings out the best in the baby and the best in the parents.

7 ATTACHMENT TOOLS: THE BABY B'S
1. Birth bonding. The way baby and parents get started with one another helps the early attachment unfold. The days and weeks after birth are a sensitive period in which mothers and babies are uniquely primed to want to be close to one another. A close attachment after birth and beyond allows the natural, biological attachment-promoting behaviors of the infant and the intuitive, biological, caregiving qualities of the mother to come together. Both members of this biological pair get off to the right start at a time when the infant is most needy and the mother is most ready to nurture (see Bonding)

"What if something happens to prevent our immediate bonding?"

Sometimes medical complications keep you and your baby apart for a while, but then catch-up bonding is what happens, starting as soon as possible. When the concept of bonding was first delivered onto the parenting scene twenty years ago, some people got it out of balance. The concept of human bonding being an absolute "critical period" or a "now-or-never" relationship was never intended. Birth bonding is not like instant glue that cements the mother-child relationship together forever. Bonding is a series of steps in your lifelong growing together with your child. Immediate bonding simply gives the parent- infant relationship a headstart. (See "Birth Bonding")

2. Breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is an exercise in babyreading. Breastfeeding helps you read your baby's cues, her body language, which is the first step in getting to know your baby. Breastfeeding gives baby and mother a smart start in life. Breastmilk contains unique brain-building nutrients that cannot be manufactured or bought. Breastfeeding promotes the right chemistry between mother and baby by stimulating your body to produce prolactin and oxytocin, hormones that give your mothering a boost.

3. Babywearing. A baby learns a lot in the arms of a busy caregiver. Carried babies fuss less and spend more time in the state of quiet alertness, the behavior state in which babies learn most about their environment. Babywearing improves the sensitivity of the parents. Because your baby is so close to you, you get to know baby better. Closeness promotes familiarity. (Click here for more information on Babywearing)

4. Bedding close to baby. Wherever all family members get the best night's sleep is the right arrangement for your individual family. Co-sleeping co-sleeping adds a nighttime touch that helps busy daytime parents reconnect with their infant at night. Since nighttime is scary time for little people, sleeping within close touching and nursing distance minimizes nighttime separation anxiety and helps baby learn that sleep is a pleasant state to enter and a fearless state to remain in.

5. Belief in the language value of your baby's cry. A baby's cry is a signal designed for the survival of the baby and the development of the parents. Responding sensitively to your baby's cries builds trust. Babies trust that their caregivers will be responsive to their needs. Parents gradually learn to trust in their ability to appropriately meet their baby's needs. This raises the parent-child communication level up a notch. Tiny babies cry to communicate, not to manipulate. (See Crying and Cry it Out)

6. Beware of baby trainers. Attachment parenting teaches you how to be discerning of advice, especially those rigid and extreme parenting styles that teach you to watch a clock or a schedule instead of your baby; you know, the cry-it-out crowd. This "convenience" parenting is a short-term gain, but a long-term loss, and is not a wise investment. These more restrained styles of parenting create a distance between you and your baby and keep you from becoming an expert in your child.

7. Balance. In your zeal to give so much to your baby, it's easy to neglect the needs of yourself and your marriage. As you will learn the key to putting balance in your parenting is being appropriately responsive to your baby – knowing when to say "yes" and when to say "no," and having the wisdom to say "yes" to yourself when you need help.

MORE ABOUT ATTACHMENT PARENTING
AP is a starter style. There may be medical or family cir***stances why you are unable to practice all of these baby B's. Attachment parenting implies first opening your mind and heart to the individual needs of your baby, and eventually you will develop the wisdom on how to make on-the-spot decisions on what works best for both you and your baby. Do the best you can with the resources you have – that's all your child will ever expect of you. These baby B's help parents and baby get off to the right start. Use these as starter tips to work out your own parenting style – one that fits the individual needs of your child and your family. Attachment parenting helps you develop your own personal parenting style.
AP is an approach, rather than a strict set of rules. It's actually the style that many parents use instinctively. Parenting is too individual and baby too complex for there to be only one way. The important point is to get connected to your baby, and the baby B's of attachment parenting help. Once connected, stick with what is working and modify what is not. You will ultimately develop your own parenting style that helps parent and baby find a way to fit – the little word that so economically describes the relationship between parent and baby.
AP is responsive parenting. By becoming sensitive to the cues of your infant, you learn to read your baby's level of need. Because baby trusts that his needs will be met and his language listened to, the infant trusts in his ability to give cues. As a result, baby becomes a better cue-giver, parents become better cue-readers, and the whole parent-child communication network becomes easier.
AP is a tool. Tools are things you use to complete a job. The better the tools, the easier and the better you can do the job. Notice we use the term "tools" rather than "steps." With tools you can pick and choose which of those fit your personal parent-child relationship. Steps imply that you have to use all the steps to get the job done. Think of attachment parenting as connecting tools, interactions with your infant that help you and your child get connected. Once connected, the whole parent-child relationship (discipline, healthcare, and plain old having fun with your child) becomes more natural and enjoyable. Consider AP a discipline tool. The better you know your child, the more your child trusts you, and the more effective your discipline will be. You will find it easier to discipline your child and your child will be easier to discipline.

[Tony(admin)]

Woot!

WHAT ATTACHMENT PARENTING IS NOT

Attachment parenting is not a new style of parenting. Attachment parenting is one of the oldest ways of caring for babies. In fact, it's the way that parents for centuries have taken care of babies, until childcare advisors came on the scene and led parents to follow books instead of their babies. Picture your family on a deserted island and you've just delivered a baby. There are no books, advisors, or in-laws around to shower you with child baby- tending advice. The baby B's of attachment parenting would come naturally to you as they have other cultures who have centuries more child-rearing experience and tradition than all of us have.

Attachment parenting is not indulgent parenting. You may hear or worry that being nurturing and responsive to your baby's needs might spoil your baby and set you up for being manipulated manipulated by your baby. This is why we stress that attachment parenting is responding appropriately to your baby's needs, which means knowing when to say "yes" and when to say "no." Sometimes in their zeal to give children everything they need, it's easy for parents to give their children everything they want.

Attachment parenting is a question of balance –not being indulgent or permissive, yet being attentive. As you and your baby grow together, you will develop the right balance between attentive, but not indulgent. In fact, being possessive, or a "smother mother" (or father) is unfair to the child, fosters an inappropriate dependency on the parent, and hinders your child from becoming normally independent. For example, you don't need to respond to the cries of a seven-month-old baby as quickly as you would a seven-day-old baby.

As your baby grows, you become more expert in reading her cries, so you can gradually delay your response. Say, for example, you are busy in the kitchen and your seven-month-old is sitting and playing nearby and cries to be picked up. Instead of rushing to scoop your baby up, simply acknowledge your baby and give your baby "it's okay" cues. Because you and your baby are so connected, your baby can read your body language and see that you're not anxious, so you naturally give your baby the message, "No problem, baby, you can handle this." In this way, you're being a facilitator , and because of your close attachment you're actually better able to help your baby delay gratification and ease into independence.

Attachment Tip: "It's easier for me to say 'no' to my attachment- parented child when she wants a lot of stuff, because I know I have given her so much of myself."



Attachment parenting is not permissive parenting. not control a child. Attachment parents become like gardeners: you can't control the color of the flower or the time of the year it blooms, but you can pick the weeds and prune the plant so that the flower blooms more beautifully. That's shaping. Attachment parents become master behavior-shapers.

Attachment mothering is not martyr mothering. Don't think that AP means baby pulls mommy's string and she jumps. Because of the mutual sensitivity that develops between attached parents and their attached children, parents' response time can gradually lengthen as mother enables the older baby to discover that he does not need instant gratification. Yes, you give a lot of yourself in those early months, but you get back a lot more in return. Attachment-parenting is the best investment you'll ever make -- the best long- term investment you'll ever make, in your child, and yourselves.

"Won't a mother feel tied down by constant baby-tending?"

Mothers do need baby breaks. This is why shared parenting by the father and other trusted caregivers is important. But with attachment parenting, instead of feeling tied down, mothers feel tied together with their babies. Attachment mothers we interviewed described their feelings: "I feel so connected with my baby." "I feel right when with her, not right when we're apart." "I feel fulfilled."

Remember, too, that attachment parenting, by mellowing a child's behavior, makes it easier to go places with your child. You don't have to feel tied down to your house or apartment and a lifestyle that includes only babies.

Attachment parenting is not hard. Attachment parenting may sound like one big give-a-thon. Initially, there is a lot of giving. This is a fact of new parent life. Babies are takers, and parents are givers. One of the payoffs you will soon experience of attachment parenting is one we call mutual giving – the more you give to your baby, the more baby gives back to you. This is how you grow to enjoy your child and feel more competent as a parent. Remember, your baby is not just a passive player in the parenting game. The infant takes an active part in shaping your attitudes, helping you make wise decisions as you become an astute baby-reader.

Attachment parenting may sound difficult, but in the long run it's actually the easiest parenting style. What is "hard" about parenting is the feeling "I just don't know what my baby wants" or "I just can't seem to get through to her." If you feel you really know your baby and have a handle on the relationship, parenting is easier and more relaxed. There is great comfort in feeling connected to your baby. Attachment parenting is the best way we know to get connected. True, this style of parenting takes a tremendous amount of patience and stamina, but it's worth it. Attachment parenting early on makes later parenting easier, not only in infancy but in childhood and teenage years. The ability to read and respond to your baby, carries over into the ability to get behind the eyes of your growing child and see things from her point of view. When you truly know your child, parenting is easier at all ages.

Attachment parenting is not rigid. On the contrary, it has options and is very flexible. Attachment mothers speak of a flow between themselves and their baby; a flow of thoughts and feelings that help a mother pull from her many options the right choice at the right time when confronted with the daily "what do I do now?" baby-care decisions. The connected pair mirror each other's feelings. The baby perceives himself by how the mother reflects his value. This insight is most noticeable in the mother's ability to get behind the eyes of her child and read her child's feelings during discipline decisions. One day our two-year-old, Lauren, impulsively grabbed a carton of milk out of the refrigerator and spilled it on the floor. As Lauren was about to disintegrate, Martha mellowed out the situation and preserved the fragile feelings of a sensitive child and prevented the angry feelings of inconvenienced parents. When I asked how she managed to handle things so calmly, she said, "I asked myself if I were Lauren, how would I want my mother to respond?"

Attachment parenting is not spoiling a child. . New parents ask, "Won't holding our baby a lot, responding to cries, nursing our baby on cue, and even sleeping with our baby create an overly dependent manipulative child?" Our answer is an emphatic no. In fact, both experience and research have shown the opposite. Attachment fosters independence. Attachment parenting implies responding appropriately to your baby; spoiling suggests responding inappropriately. The spoiling theory began in the early part of this century when parents turned over their intuitive childrearing to "experts"; unfortunately, the childcare thinkers at the time advocated restraint and detachment (i.e., formulas for childcare), along with scientifically produced artificial baby milk – "formula" for feeding babies. They felt that if you held your baby a lot, fed on cue, and responded to cries, you would spoil and create a clingy, dependent baby. There was no scientific basis to this spoiling theory, just unwarranted fears and opinions. We would like to put the spoiling theory on the shelf – to spoil forever.

Research has finally proven what mothers have long suspected: You cannot spoil a baby by attachment. Spoiling means leaving something alone, such as putting food on the shelf to spoil. The attachment style of parenting does not mean overindulgence or inappropriate dependency. The possessive parent, or "hover mother," is one who keeps an infant from doing what he needs to do because of her own insecure needs. This has a detrimental effect on both the infants and the parents. Attachment differs from prolonged dependency. Attachment enhances development; prolonged dependency will hinder development.

Source

[Little_Lisa]

This is how I was raised and can attest to the strong bond of attachment I always felt with my parents. I lost my mom to cancer 8 years ago and it was the most difficult thing i've ever had to go through. I'm even closer with my dad now, though.

My mom's friends always made comments to her that she was spoiling me too much by picking me up every time I cried, breast feeding me so long, and letting me sleep with them whenever I wanted. My mom was the most loving, gentle, unselfish, caring mother ever and I couldn't have asked for a better one!! My dad still spoils me and calls me his baby eventhough i'm nearly 30. He's awesome!

[jennycateyez]

Originally Posted by Little_Lisa

This is how I was raised and can attest to the strong bond of attachment I always felt with my parents. I lost my mom to cancer 8 years ago and it was the most difficult thing i've ever had to go through. I'm even closer with my dad now, though.

My mom's friends always made comments to her that she was spoiling me too much by picking me up every time I cried, breast feeding me so long, and letting me sleep with them whenever I wanted. My mom was the most loving, gentle, unselfish, caring mother ever and I couldn't have asked for a better one!! My dad still spoils me and calls me his baby eventhough i'm nearly 30. He's awesome!

sorry to hear that lisa but sounds like you had a great mother! and i know your father is awesome to you! my nephew is very very spoiled and i hate it because hes a boy and he acts like a little girl he cries for everything and they give it to him... i know now how to raise my kid and they will be spoiled , but that crying stuff i cant deal with lol

[eightthirty]

I never realized it was a style of parenting, but I do think it's a great one. My parents had always told me I was nuts when I let my son sleep with me....for quite some time. I can see some elements of attachment parenting in my parenting style. Not to toot my own horn, but I have often received compliments on what a sweet, well-behaved, caring child I have. I wonder if it is in any way related to these elements.

What a wonderful way to start out the Parenting Talk!! It's so wonderful to see such an informative post and better yet from Reija and Tony.

[Tony(admin)]

I'll put some attachment parenting articles in this thread for all you parents to read:

10 WAYS ATTACHMENT PARENTING MAKES DISCIPLINE EASIER
You probably never thought of these attachment tools, such as breastfeeding and babywearing, as being acts of discipline, but they are. Attachment parenting is like immunizing your child against emotional diseases later on. Gina, an attached mother of three, told us: "Knowing my children empowers me." This kid knowledge becomes like a sixth sense enabling you to anticipate and control situations to keep your kids out of trouble. Our daughter-in-law, Diane, describes her experience with this style of parenting: "I know Lea so deeply at every stage of her development. Attachment parenting allows me to put myself in her shoes. I imagine how she needs me to act."

1. Attachment parenting promotes mutual sensitivity. At six years of age Matthew would come to me with a request, "Dad, I think I know the answer, but..." Because our mutual sensitivity and trust is so high, he knows when to expect a "yes" and when to expect a "no" answer. He tests me, but knows my answer. The connected parent and child easily communicate each other's feelings. Once connected to your child you will be able to read his body language and appropriately redirect behavior, and your child will be able to read your desires and strive to please you. As one connected parent put it: "All I have to do is look at him disapprovingly and he stops misbehaving."

2. Attachment parenting produces people who care. General Norman Schwarzkopf once said, "Men who can't cry scare me." Many of the world's problems can be traced to one group of people being insensitive to the needs and rights of another group. One of the mothers in my practice arranged a talk for a group of attachment mothers, and she invited one of the survivors of the Holocaust to come and tell her story. Commenting on the social benefits of sensitive parenting, the survivor concluded her talk, "Because of children like these, this tragedy will never happen again."

3. Attachment parenting organizes babies. To understand better how attachment parenting organizes infant behavior, think of a baby's gestation as lasting eighteen months - nine months inside the womb, and at least nine more months outside. The womb environment regulates the baby's systems automatically. Birth temporarily disrupts this organization. Attachment parenting provides a gentle, sensitive, external regulating system that takes over where the womb left off. When a mother carries her baby her rhythmic walk, familiar from the baby's time in the womb, has a calming effect. When the baby is cuddled close to his mother's breast, her heartbeat reminds him of the sounds of the womb. When baby is draped across mom or dad's chest, he senses the rhythmic breathing. Being kept warm and held close, calms him and helps him control his reflexes. This high-touch style of parenting with its emphasis on keeping the baby comfortable has a regulating effect on the infant's disorganized rhythms. Baby knows where he belongs. With his needs for food, warmth, comfort and stimulation receiving predictable responses, the attachment- parented baby is physiologically better off. A 1993 study from Virginia Tech compared sleep-wake patterns and heart rates of breast and bottle-fed babies. The breastfed babies showed more energy-efficient heart rates and sleep patterns. They were more organized. The researchers concluded: a baby who isn't breastfeeding is like an engine out of tune.

4. Attachment parenting promotes quiet alertness. Both research and our own experience have demonstrated that attachment-parented babies cry much less. So what do they do with their free time? They spend much of it in the state of quiet alertness. During waking hours, babies go through many types of behavior: crying, sleepy, alert and agitated, and quietly alert. Babies are most attentive to their environment in the state of quiet alertness. By not fussing and crying, they conserve their energy and use it for interacting. The result is they are more pleasant to be with. Because a responsive parent takes time to enjoy the baby when he is in this state, the baby is motivated to stay in the state of quiet alertness longer.

5. Attachment parenting promotes trust. Being in charge of your child is an important part of discipline. Children need to know that they can depend on their parents not only to meet their needs but also to keep them on the right path. Authority is vital to discipline, and authority must be based on trust. It is crucial for baby to trust that he will be kept safe. An attachment-parented baby learns to trust the one person who is strongly connected to him. When an infant can trust his mother to meet his needs, he will also look to her to help him behave.

6. Attachment parenting promotes independence. If you are wondering whether attachment parenting will make your child clingy and dependent, don't worry. Attachment parenting actually encourages the right balance between dependence and independence. Because the connected child trusts his parents to help him feel safe, he is more likely to feel secure exploring his environment. In fact, studies have shown that toddlers who have a secure attachment to their mother tend to adapt easier to new play situations and play more independently than less attached toddlers.

7. Attachment parenting promotes intimacy. Attachment-parented kids have a look about them. You can spot them in a crowd. They are the persons looking intently at other persons. They seem to be genuinely interested in other people. I love to engage these children in visual contact because they are so attentive. The reason these kids look you straight in the eyes is they have grown up from birth being comfortable connecting to people, and they connect appropriately. Their gaze is not so strained or penetrating as to put off the other person; nor so shallow as to convey lack of interest. It's just the right visual fix to engage people and hold their interest.
Much of a child's future quality of life (mate and job satisfaction) will depend on their capacity for intimacy. Therapists we interviewed shared that much of their time is spent working with persons who have problems with intimacy, and much of their therapy is aimed at reparenting their patients. Because connected kids grow up learning to bond with people rather than things, they carry this capacity for intimacy into adulthood. Many a nights I watched two-year-old Lauren inch over and snuggle next to Martha in bed. Even at this young age Lauren is learning a lifelong asset—the capacity for feeling close.

8. Attachment parenting builds better-behaved brains. The developing brain of an infant resembles miles of tangled electrical wire called neurons. At the end of each neuron tiny filaments branch out to make connections with other neurons, forming pathways. This is one of the ways the brain develops patterns of association.: habits, and ways of acting and thinking, in other words, organization. Attachment parenting creates a behavioral equilibrium in a child that not only organizes a child's physiology but her psychological development as well. In a nutshell, attachment parenting helps the developing brain make the right connections.
The unconnected child, however, is at risk for developing disorganized neurological pathways, especially if that infant has come wired with more than the average share of disorganized pathways. This child is at risk of developing behavioral problems later on, namely hyperactivity, distractibility, and impulsivity – features of an increasingly prevalent "disease" in childhood (and now adulthood) – attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). A person's brain grows more in the first three years than anytime in life. Could the level of nurturing during those formative years affect the way the behavioral pathways in the brain become organized? We believe it does, and we also believe that research will soon confirm that many later child and adult behavioral problems are really preventable diseases of early disorganization.

9. Attachment parenting helps you discipline the difficult child. This style of parenting is especially rewarding in disciplining kids we call high-need children. Sometimes parents don't realize until their child is three or four years of age that they have a special child who needs a special kind of discipline (for example, a hyperactive child, a developmentally delayed child, or a temperamentally difficult child). By helping you shape your child's behavior and increase your sensitivity to the child's special needs, attachment parenting gives you the right start that increases your chances of having the right finish. Connected parents have a headstart in disciplining high-need children because they are sensitive to their child's personality. The connected high-need child is easier to discipline because he is more responsive to his parents. One of the reasons temperamentally difficult children are difficult to discipline is they are disorganized. As we discussed earlier, attachment promotes organization. In fact, studies comparing the long-term effects of early parenting styles on a child's later development show that attachment parenting (or the lack of it) most affects the character trait of adaptability (the ease with which a child's behavior can be redirected to the child's and parents' advantage). Adaptable children are better prepared to adjust to life's changing cir***stances. They learn to accept correction from others and eventually correct themselves. Some children are born puzzles. Attachment parenting helps you put the pieces together.

10. Attachment parenting encourages obedience. The real payoff of
attachment parenting is obedience. To "obey" means "to listen attentively." This style of parenting, besides opening up parents to the needs of their baby, also opens up the baby to the wishes of the parents. The universal complaint of parents is "My child won't mind." Think about this term "to mind." What does it mean? As a child normally goes from dependence to independence and searches for an identity, the child minds his own mind. So, your child is minding, but he's minding his own mind and not yours. How compliant your child is depends upon your child's temperament, which you can't control, and the depth of your parent-child connection, which you can influence. Because your minds mesh, the connected child is more open to accept your redirection and switch from his mindset to yours and to listen to you instead of being closed to you. The connected child trusts that his mother knows best. The attached child wants to please.

Even the iron-willed child bends to the will of the mother or father who operate on the parenting principle "The stronger my child's will, the stronger must be my connection." It is this connection that gives parents confidence. Wanting to please and trying to obey are the behavioral trademarks of the connected child. Nancy, the mother of a high-need baby, now a strong-willed four-year-old volunteered: "Initially attachment parenting took more energy and was less convenient. Now caring for Jonathan is easier because discipline flows naturally between us. I'm finally beginning to cash in on my investment."
source

[Kelly]

Wow, I'm really gonna have to read more in depth about this parenting style.

Seems we have already done alot of this, but I do admit, I sometimes JUMP when my 3 1/2 year old yells. Not that I jump, but I jump to acknowledge her needs, and let her know I'll be with her in a minute, but I always acknowledge that I heard her.

The sleeping thing, man thought we were crazy, but she slept with us for a very long time (so we could get sleep too)....plus they are soooo snuggly!!!!! Then we did the bed thing next to us, put her bed right next to ours. And now finally she has her own room, but falls asleep with one of us lying next to her in her bed or downstairs on the couch sometimes.

I do admit, I feel a bit lost without my children. My 3 year old can go almost ANYWHERE with me and behaves soooooo well! Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy my breaks, I probably need more actually, but it's hard.

My older 2 did not get this sort of parenting, or less than our youngest. Only because I was working and didn't know of this type of parenting too. I feel less connected to them and that is probably because of that. I'm connected, but less than with my youngest and how she's been raised.

[Tony(admin)]

Originally Posted by kwitter

Wow, I'm really gonna have to read more in depth about this parenting style.

Seems we have already done alot of this, but I do admit, I sometimes JUMP when my 3 1/2 year old yells. Not that I jump, but I jump to acknowledge her needs, and let her know I'll be with her in a minute, but I always acknowledge that I heard her.

The sleeping thing, man thought we were crazy, but she slept with us for a very long time (so we could get sleep too)....plus they are soooo snuggly!!!!! Then we did the bed thing next to us, put her bed right next to ours. And now finally she has her own room, but falls asleep with one of us lying next to her in her bed or downstairs on the couch sometimes.

I do admit, I feel a bit lost without my children. My 3 year old can go almost ANYWHERE with me and behaves soooooo well! Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy my breaks, I probably need more actually, but it's hard.

My older 2 did not get this sort of parenting, or less than our youngest. Only because I was working and didn't know of this type of parenting too. I feel less connected to them and that is probably because of that. I'm connected, but less than with my youngest and how she's been raised.

Wow Kelly, you sound just like us...snuggling all the time.

[runtagua]

Wow! I'm thrilled to see this information. As a mom who's still nursing her beautiful son that will be 3 in 3 months, I find it refreshing to see this, and appreciate all the parents out there who practice this method! It's not always the most widely accepted, that's for sure. I can't tell you how much criticism I endure because I still nurse and our son is still in our bed.

And yes, there have been times when I have wished my body/bed/sleep was MINE again, but I honestly, all that snuggling more than makes up for it.

[jencc]

Originally Posted by Little_Lisa

This is how I was raised and can attest to the strong bond of attachment I always felt with my parents. I lost my mom to cancer 8 years ago and it was the most difficult thing i've ever had to go through. I'm even closer with my dad now, though.

My mom's friends always made comments to her that she was spoiling me too much by picking me up every time I cried, breast feeding me so long, and letting me sleep with them whenever I wanted. My mom was the most loving, gentle, unselfish, caring mother ever and I couldn't have asked for a better one!! My dad still spoils me and calls me his baby eventhough i'm nearly 30. He's awesome!

Hi, Lisa, that's awesome! My parents, I feel, have also parented us this way. This is the way my husband and I have chosen to parent our two little boys, aged 5 and 1.7 years old.

I breastfed our eldest for a year, and number two is still going strong.

I'm so glad that there is actually an APthread here! Now I don't feel so guilty buying so much makeup!