[magneticheart]

Okay so I was watching Big Brother last night and the contestants seem to have this thing going (I've noticed this every series) where they constantly say "If he/she has something to say they should say it to my face!" but would you REALLY want everyone in your life to say EXACTLY what they think of you to your face even if it was totally un-constructive and of no help to you? The contestants on Big Brother say things like "I just can't stand you at all!" and then say that they're being 'real' because it's better to say that to the persons face than behind their back. But I can't help thinking that this piece of information helps the person in no way and is very un-constructive so what's the point in saying it if the only thing it does is make that person feel bad?
Is it sometimes better to say things behind people's backs to get it off your chest and also not to upset them unessecerily?
Or should you say everything no matter how harsh to people's face?
Or maybe like my Grandma says "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Discuss lol

[MakeupByMonet]

well i think if you want to say something bad about somebody or hurtful about somebody ...Yes say it to there face because its better they hear you saaying something about them then to find out your running your mouth about them to everybody else & their mama when if your the one that has a problem with them then keep it between you two instead being dramatic & bringing everybody else in the issue!!!! & if you dont want any problems than keep your mouth shut!!! Plain & simple I think!!!!

[CellyCell]

Well, it depends on what's being said. If it's just brutal total honesty in a rude way like, "you're fat/you're ugly" - don't say it. If it's something based on my personality, lifestyle, behavior, choices in life whatever - say it to my face. If I'm a lying whore - why say that behind my back? I've heard stuff about me through people that I'm this and that, you know what I did? I corrected my behavior. Sometimes it's a good thing when people say things to your face.

I'm just honest too. I don't like beating around the bush and I hate when people put up a fake front when it does no one any good. For example, One of my co-workers had a problem with some of us because we went out to the club without her one time. She confronted my 2 other co-workers and they denied going to the clubs. I heard she didn't want to confront me because she knew I would be totally honest in my response, yeah - we didn't invite her to the clubs because she's obnoxious. But since she didn't ask for my reason, I didn't dish it out... but I don't like how my co-workers lied to her. It was stupid and they kept burying themselves in a bunch of lies that contradicted one another. It's just a way better feeling to be told the truth then to be lied about something and find out later they were BSing around with you - saves drama too!

When I'm at a fed up point - I will be like, I don't like you for this and that reason. If someone has an eyebooger - I'll tell them to wipe it off. Somethings are no biggie - but at times I do bite my lip. I guess it depends on my mood and the person, haha. My mom does tell me at times, "if you ain't got nothing nice to say blah blah". If I can't take it - I won't dish it also.

[pinkbundles]

If it's about my looks, probably not (unless the comments are favourable).

But everything else, yes, I'd rather they say it to my face so I at least have an opportunity to speak for myself and if necessary, stand up for and/or justify myself.

[internetchick]

Originally Posted by CellyCell

Well, it depends on what's being said. If it's just brutal total honesty in a rude way like, "you're fat/you're ugly" - don't say it. If it's something based on my personality, lifestyle, behavior, choices in life whatever - say it to my face. If I'm a lying whore - why say that behind my back? I've heard stuff about me through people that I'm this and that, you know what I did? I corrected my behavior. Sometimes it's a good thing when people say things to your face.

I'm just honest too. I don't like beating around the bush and I hate when people put up a fake front when it does no one any good. For example, One of my co-workers had a problem with some of us because we went out to the club without her one time. She confronted my 2 other co-workers and they denied going to the clubs. I heard she didn't want to confront me because she knew I would be totally honest in my response, yeah - we didn't invite her to the clubs because she's obnoxious. But since she didn't ask for my reason, I didn't dish it out... but I don't like how my co-workers lied to her. It was stupid and they kept burying themselves in a bunch of lies that contradicted one another. It's just a way better feeling to be told the truth then to be lied about something and find out later they were BSing around with you - saves drama too!

When I'm at a fed up point - I will be like, I don't like you for this and that reason. If someone has an eyebooger - I'll tell them to wipe it off. Somethings are no biggie - but at times I do bite my lip. I guess it depends on my mood and the person, haha. My mom does tell me at times, "if you ain't got nothing nice to say blah blah". If I can't take it - I won't dish it also.

I agree with all this.

I would prefer people use tact with me. I am not receptive to brutal honesty. I think you can be honest without beating someone about the head with the truth. And I only want to hear the truth if it's something that needs to be addressed. If you think I dress like a clown I don't want to hear it.

[Aprill]

My #1 pet peeve in the world: You have someone yammering about you all behind your back and when you confront them, they dont know what the hell you are talking about.

Considering this day and age, and the fact the the only people that can keep secrets are dead people, I think that either way is fine, cause whether you tell someone to their face, or you go and talk to someone else about it, its gonna get back to them, so I guess the best solution is keep it to yourself.

Me personally: Hell yeah say it to my face, it the more mature thing to do than to ramble to others thinking they are cool with you, only for them to go back and repeat everything that you said, word for word. And you have the shit face cause I know, get guilty and mad. Like shouldnt I be the one mad? hahaha. But as long as people continue to be born with a mouth and vocal cords, there will always be two-facedness in the world.

[magosienne]

i prefer being addressed directly to my face, rather than being talked about in my back. as Aprill said, it gets back to you anyway, so if you have something to say, say it or shut up.

as for me, i guess it can vary from person to person, and according to my mood, but i prefer to shut up and think twice before i speak. sometimes, my feelings can speak before my brain, so i prefer to keep silent and ponder what i have to say. if i am asked my point of vue, i will speak with honesty, if i am not and i can live with it, i shut up and make the best out of the situation.

[McRubel]

MagneticHeart, I agree with you. If all you're going to say is "I can't stand you," then don't bother. It's a waste of breath and all it does is create drama and probably will make you not very popular! But if it's something CONSTRUCTIVE like "I don't appreciate it when you talk badly about me," then I think it's worth while. Then there's an opportunity for change.

[monniej]

i agree with celly 100%! just don't be fake!

i don't really care if you say it to my face or behind my back. i believe that everything a person does just let's you know who they are. no more, no less. the one thing you can be sure of is that people are always going to be themselves, no matter how hard they try not too! lol~ i can accept anyone as long as i think they're being genuine. some folks are just genuine back stabbers and that's ok as long as you know that! this way you don't leave your back exposed when they're around! lol~ my goal is to not let any other human being have power over me. i control me!

[xtiffanyx]

I'd rather things be said to my face if it's something that can or should be fixed...like if someone finds me annoying or something like that. If you think I'm ugly or think that my left nostril is bigger than the right just keep it to yourself . If you think someone is annoying or doing something wrong, I don't see a problem with addressing them so that the issues can be dealt with. I don't think it's necessary to be mean or rude though...unless they started it .

[Darla_G]

i think you're probably right about this magnetic heart.

[MaddyBoo718]

i agree with xtiffanyx. i really only think it's necessary to say things to peoples' faces if something can be gotten out of it. if it's something that i do/say/act like that you don't really like, just tell me, and i can try to fix it. otherwise ignorant stupid comments like "oh well she's fat/ugly" don't get anything done, and should be kept to yourself. it's just a waste of air.

[Retro-Violet]

yes and no.
probably its better if they dont, since i might be in jail for assult or something if it was really bad.

although i will say i prefer to not hear people tell me to my face or loudly that i can hear that im either a "terrorist" or an "d*mn mexican".

although the few times ive been told to "go back to mexico" to my face i acutally almost got my butt kicked since i started laughing at them. ive never been to mexico before, and i wouldnt mind if they would pay for me to go there to check it out.

granted these comments were mainly in told to me in the midwest.

[CPS]

To my face part is fine, it's the manner in which it's said can be the problem... Tact is something that's missing a lot these days. You can tell someone your concerns without having to be rude or just downright ugly. I also agree with you Magnetic...my Gaga is old school Southern and she says that all the time