Would You Live Together Before Married?

***Mina*** · 03-09-2005, 06:31 PM

Hi Guys,

I need help...I need opinions, facts, Or examples if possible.
Yea i need to know how many of you will agree to live together b4 married, WHy? what makes you think better idea rather then benefits that u recieve like Married life...I want to know how much reliable?? and how much hurted??....If anybody have had experience living together....b4 married or get divorce after married (Living together) What are the some consideration changed?? I don't know just explain why should you think it would be better or worst idea to live together b4 married??

PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS AND SUGGESTIONS FOR ME NOT JUST VOTE PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Thanks in Advanced....

***wongy74*** · 03-09-2005, 06:49 PM

I live with my BF right now... I think it that is a good idea for me because you get to know whether or not you can stand the person day in and day out. I'm with my bf practically 24-7 since we also go to school togehter. We're hardly apart. And while we may irritate each other or fight, we still love each other and want to be together. This tells me that we could get married AND stay together for the rest of our lives... cause we can stand so much of each other and, more importantly, still like and love each other!

You also learn the habits of the person. You hear stories about people that don't live together before getting married and when they do live with each other, their habits irritate each other. The little things can be really important sometimes.

The drawback for me is that when we fight and I want to leave, it's not so easy to just go back to my parent's house since all my stuff is here. So then I gotta pack some stuff just to leave for the night!

I think it's beneficial for me since it's like practice marriage- you get to see how it would be and if you could stand to be around the person so much. Once you move in together, you learn so much about the other person that you would not have learned otherwise.

Ultimately, though, it will depend on the person and their value system.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miranhat

Hi Guys,

I need help...I need opinions, facts, Or examples if possible.
Yea i need to know how many of you will agree to live together b4 married, WHy? what makes you think better idea rather then benefits that u recieve like Married life...I want to know how much reliable?? and how much hurted??....If anybody have had experience living together....b4 married or get divorce after married (Living together) What are the some consideration changed?? I don't know just explain why should you think it would be better or worst idea to live together b4 married??

Thanks in Advanced....

***Mina*** · 03-09-2005, 06:56 PM

Seiously I do honored what u have said but isn't also risk though...i find out so many results of child abuse, divorce rate is high....of living together..I don't know let see what other has to say...thank you fWongy for your informations...that will help me a lot...

Quote:

Originally Posted by wongy74

I live with my BF right now... I think it that is a good idea for me because you get to know whether or not you can stand the person day in and day out. I'm with my bf practically 24-7 since we also go to school togehter. We're hardly apart. And while we may irritate each other or fight, we still love each other and want to be together. This tells me that we could get married AND stay together for the rest of our lives... cause we can stand so much of each other and, more importantly, still like and love each other!

You also learn the habits of the person. You hear stories about people that don't live together before getting married and when they do live with each other, their habits irritate each other. The little things can be really important sometimes.

The drawback for me is that when we fight and I want to leave, it's not so easy to just go back to my parent's house since all my stuff is here. So then I gotta pack some stuff just to leave for the night!

I think it's beneficial for me since it's like practice marriage- you get to see how it would be and if you could stand to be around the person so much. Once you move in together, you learn so much about the other person that you would not have learned otherwise.

Ultimately, though, it will depend on the person and their value system.

***wongy74*** · 03-09-2005, 07:03 PM

I've never heard about child abuse and divorce rates being related to living together. But I have heard that people who live together may be less likely to get married cause it's already like you're married- the actual marriage is more like a formality of sorts unless it's necessary, like to get health insurance or the DH is in the armed forces.

Hope you get more points of view and ultimately get the answer you are looking for!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miranhat

Seiously I do honored what u have said but isn't also risk though...i find out so many results of child abuse, divorce rate is high....of living together..I don't know let see what other has to say...thank you fWongy for your informations...that will help me a lot...

***wongy74*** · 03-09-2005, 07:05 PM

Whoops! Forgot to say that they are less likely to get married because it's like they are married AND because many just end up breaking up. Like, they intend on getting married but put it off and then just end up breaking up before they ever really do get married. Not all, but it seems like many.

*edit* The fear of the conservatives is that without marriage, you break up much easier after living together; nothing "solid" really forces you to try and try at a relationship. Marriage binds you to a person- it's harder to file for divorce and leave than just moving out after breaking up if you're just living together.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wongy74

I've never heard about child abuse and divorce rates being related to living together. But I have heard that people who live together may be less likely to get married cause it's already like you're married- the actual marriage is more like a formality of sorts unless it's necessary, like to get health insurance or the DH is in the armed forces.

Hope you get more points of view and ultimately get the answer you are looking for!

***Mina*** · 03-09-2005, 07:06 PM

Actually what i meant to say...after living together ppl end up being marriege life in that case there comes the situation of divorce and so forth if you have child involves in this matter...rather then that there are other abuses and high risk of divorce rate actually noted...

Quote:

Originally Posted by wongy74

I've never heard about child abuse and divorce rates being related to living together. But I have heard that people who live together may be less likely to get married cause it's already like you're married- the actual marriage is more like a formality of sorts unless it's necessary, like to get health insurance or the DH is in the armed forces.

Hope you get more points of view and ultimately get the answer you are looking for!

***NYAngel98*** · 03-09-2005, 07:18 PM

Although I still live at home - my boyfriend pretty much lives here. (and before we started staying here, I was pretty much living at his house) So technically we pretty much live together. Together everynight. I would definitely want to live with someone before marrying them... I agree with all of what Jess said. It's true... you truly don't know someone until you live with them. You can't really see subtle habits and traits unless you do - there are things that you won't know just by seeing a person on an off & on basis... I know some people will chose not to because of religious or personal beliefs... but if you have the opportunity - I would. I honestly think that NOT living together first leads more to divorce, because you think you know someone.. then you get married and live together, and there might be things you realize that you cannot stay around... and then get divorced. So, yes... I would.

***Mina*** · 03-09-2005, 07:24 PM

hmmm quite genarated....what if b4 married living together was a drama, after married you found out?? or would you consider marry him.? or i don't know let me stop...i actually doing a research paper so i told i will have a survey for negative and positive thought....if you can please help me out....

thanks

Quote:

Originally Posted by NYAngel98

Although I still live at home - my boyfriend pretty much lives here. (and before we started staying here, I was pretty much living at his house) So technically we pretty much live together. Together everynight. I would definitely want to live with someone before marrying them... I agree with all of what Jess said. It's true... you truly don't know someone until you live with them. You can't really see subtle habits and traits unless you do - there are things that you won't know just by seeing a person on an off & on basis... I know some people will chose not to because of religious or personal beliefs... but if you have the opportunity - I would. I honestly think that NOT living together first leads more to divorce, because you think you know someone.. then you get married and live together, and there might be things you realize that you cannot stay around... and then get divorced. So, yes... I would.

destiny · 03-09-2005, 07:32 PM

The only reason I could think of a child being abused due to a divorce is that parents started hating each other so much, that they are so frustrated and angry at life itself, they take it out on their children.

I don't see what living together before marriage has to do with divorce or child abuse. I would say that the increasing devorce rate is due to couples getting married too soon ( didn't know each other as well as they thought), and women becoming stronger, more independent, not wanting to live in a loveless marriage. Traditional or religious people have a problem with young couples living together and find it wrong on a moral level. If a couple strongly believes in their relationship, then nothing should stop them from getting married right away if they want to.

Wongy already said it perfectly! Living together before marriage gives you the chance to get to know a person in ways you could never imagine. To me, that is the same as when you first meet somebody and are hopelessly in love, nothing bothers you, he is just perfect. But after a couple months (or weeks

) you get to know him better and you don't feel the same way anymore. I am so going to live with somebody before I get married. (if I'm lucky). Once you are in a marriage, you are more likely to try to work things out or stick it out, where in a living together arrangement, you can just "break up" like with any bf, pack your things and leave. Minimal cost involved!

***NYAngel98*** · 03-09-2005, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by destiny

To me, that is the same as when you first meet somebody and are hopelessly in love, nothing bothers you, he is just perfect. But after a couple months (or weeks

) you get to know him better and you don't feel the same way anymore.

So true! Everyone is perfect in the beginning! You think they can do no wrong... then the hearts and butterflies die down and you see reality for what it is... and then you can decide from there whether its something you want.

***girl_geek*** · 03-09-2005, 08:00 PM

My husband and I did not live together before we got married, because we wanted to save sex for marriage (due to religious beliefs, which I could explain more but I'm not sure if that would be necessary). Thus if we lived together, even if we shared separate bedrooms, that would just be too much temptation.

Now if we had not saved sex for marriage, I'm sure we would have lived together to save money -- now that we're married we're saving much more money by paying rent on one apartment instead of two!

Anyways, I certainly do not think that living together is a requirement for marriage. My husband and I spent so much time together before we were married, almost nothing surprised us when we moved in together. What quirky habits that we did not see (such as how clean we each kept our apartments), we told each other -- he told me that he slept in his street clothes, I told him how long it takes me to get ready in the morning, things like that. I think the only thing I learned when I got married was that he likes to brush his teeth and shave naked right after he takes a shower.

And I can't think of anything he learned about me, but he probably learned a few equally silly things. We didn't even have to argue about chores -- when we were engaged, he cooked dinner and washed dishes every night while I studied. Now, he cooks and washes dishes during the school year (I cook on breaks), and I do the weekly cleaning like laundry and the bathroom since it's easier for me to fit those into my schedule. Granted, we have only been married for 7 months, but so far the only thing different between before the marriage and now is that now we can have sex.

Our relationship is otherwise still the same, we still communicate in the same ways, we don't fight any more or any less.... I really don't think that our marriage would be any better or any worse than if we had lived together first. But then again, due to our religious beliefs, we had faith that if God wanted us to get married, then he would make sure we were compatible! God wouldn't want us to marry someone that will make us miserable for most of our lives!

As for the statistics, I've never heard anything about child abuse, but I have heard that couples that live together first are more likely to get divorced. However, I have also heard that out of the couples who lived together with the intent to get married later, the divorce rate was the same as couples who did not live together. You could also argue that couples who do not live together are more likely to be religious and disapprove of divorce, so maybe those couples are living in unhappy marriages. And who is better off -- the couple that divorces (especially if they have children, divorce is almost always painful for the children), or the couple that live in an unhappy marriage? It's hard to say in general (although for a specific couple that you know personally, you might be able to decide).

Anyways those are just my random thoughts, you can take them or leave them.

***NYAngel98*** · 03-09-2005, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_geek

My husband and I did not live together before we got married, because we wanted to save sex for marriage (due to religious beliefs, which I could explain more but I'm not sure if that would be necessary). Thus if we lived together, even if we shared separate bedrooms, that would just be too much temptation.

Now if we had not saved