It is rare that newspapers say anything about CDs. it is even rarer that they say something positive. An interesting read.

Introducing the mystery lady in my life

STACIA BRIGGS
18 April 2008

Simon, who has been dressing as Becky for big nights out for the past five years. He'd been living with her for decades, but had no idea whatsoever what she looked like. Simon is married, works in an office and was "one of the lads" at school, but for years he hid the fact that he dreamt of wearing women's clothing. STACIA BRIGGS spoke to Simon (and Becky).

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She'd been in the shadows for almost 25 years, but finally Simon was coming face-to-face with the woman who'd fascinated and frightened him in equal measures since childhood.

As if waiting to meet a blind date, he wondered if the hopeful anticipation he felt about meeting Becky for the first time would be justified, or if the realisation of a long-held dream would be a disappointing anti-climax.

And then, suddenly, he was looking straight at her. Staring into the mirror in front of him, for the first time ever, it was Becky's and not Simon's reflection which blinked back at him - Becky Enverite had arrived.

"It was a relief to find out what Becky looked like and actually quite an emotional moment," said Simon.

"I'd played around with make-up a bit and occasionally dressed up in my Mum's clothes, but for the first time I was seeing just how much I could look like a woman. It was a shock to see that Becky doesn't look like me at all.”

Simon's transformation into his glamorous alter-ego Becky Enverite (the forename was an old favourite, Enverite means 'in truth' or 'actually' in French) was courtesy of a dressing service for men based just outside London, Boudoir, where Jodie Lynn, "a very sympathetic lady", helps men achieve their goal of looking as feminine as possible.

"Years spent messing around with my Mum's make-up hadn't exactly made me an expert on the subject, and I needed to learn how to use everything," said Simon, 36.

Simon, dressed as Becky. "In the early days, I'd try and put make-up on and end up looking like Frankenstein's monster, but the professionals know how to make a man look like a woman. With men, it's never a case of 'less is more', it takes quite a lot of make-up to cover the stubble and to shape the face.

"When Jodie had finished, it was like 'wow - I can actually look quite good'. Looking back, I think it was a bit over the top with the blonde wig, the draggy make-up and the tight dress, but at the time it was a revelation."

Accepting that you're a man who enjoys wearing women's clothes, I suggest to Simon, who has been dressing as Becky for big nights out for the past five years, is a bit like being a beautiful butterfly that finally casts off its drab chrysalis.

"Or being Superman," Simon said, enthusiastically, "you go into a room as one person and a bit later - or a lot later if you're a tranny! - you come out as someone completely different."

Simon embraces his inner Becky, with her perfectly manicured nails, immaculate make-up, carefully chosen outfits and killer heels, but he doesn't dream about being a woman - he just enjoys dressing as one occasionally.

"A lot of people think that transvestites are all gay, or that they're men who want to be women, when in fact, most of the time they're just men who want to wear a frock occasionally," he said.

"I just like feeling girly, I like the whole process of getting ready for a big night out - picking an outfit, putting my make-up on, doing my hair, putting on nail varnish. It's exciting in a way that getting ready to go out never is if you're a man."

Things haven't always been so straightforward for Simon (or Becky, for that matter).

He can trace his desire to wear women's clothes back to childhood, when he was five and daydreamed that one day his mother would take him shopping for dresses.

"I remember being at infant school when I was about six or seven and we had a big dressing up box. I picked out a bridesmaid's dress and put it on and remember thinking 'I quite like this'," said Simon, who lives in one of Norfolk's larger market towns.

"Then I got a really big telling off for having worn it and I thought to myself 'OK, this is obviously something that boys are not supposed to do..."

Peer pressure and an adolescent desire to fit in meant that Simon pushed thoughts of dressing as a woman to one side while he was at secondary school, although it remained at the back of his mind throughout his teenage years.

"I was one of the lads. I was never a rough and tumble kind of boy, more of a nerd really, but I looked normal and I desperately wanted to fit in,” he said.

"In my 20s, I don't really remember the desire being there - I was too busy drinking at university and it was easier to forget about it because I could never picture a time when I could ever dress up properly, let alone go out in a dress.

"It was only when I started using the internet that I realised there were other people out there who were just like me and who understood how I felt.

"I used to think that if I 'gave in' to how I was feeling, everyone would immediately find out and the entire world would come to an end, but gradually that began to change. Suddenly it began to feel as if dressing up really wasn't that important, and I should stop beating myself up about it."

In 2002, Simon visited Boudoir, was given a glimpse of what he could recreate with practice in the future, and ventured out into public dressed as Becky for the first time.

"It was the beginning of a lot of firsts - the first time I was properly dressed, the first time I went out in public, the first time I went out in the car as Becky, the first time I went somewhere that wasn't a club or a pub...each one was a milestone," he said.

By 2005, Simon - who works in IT - had created an award-winning website for Becky, Becky's Web, and introduced him to a whole new set of friends, the vast majority of whom he would never have met had he not taken the plunge into a part-time world of panstick foundation, high heels and short skirts.

"There's a whole 'tranny spectrum' of people to meet. There are gay men, lesbians, straight men who sometimes wear women's clothes, transsexuals who have had or are having surgery to become women, even transvestites who are straight who are a little bit homophobic - you get to meet them all," said Simon.

"After spending most of your life with people who are straight, you suddenly realise, that wow, there are so many different lifestyles out there, so many different people.

"Before, I'd never really been interested in going to pubs and clubs because I hated the whole macho atmosphere, but when I go as Becky, it's just to go and have a bit of a dance, a drink and a laugh. It feels far less threatening.

"I've made some great friends, but there can be a bit of bitchiness - some transvestites just like wearing wedding dresses, or maid's outfits and it's all about just wearing the clothes, not looking like a woman, and other trannies look down on them a bit because they're not 'doing it properly' Then you get the transsexuals thinking that trannies don't go far enough!"

Coming to terms with an unstoppable urge to stray from the path of traditional gender roles is a difficult transition which men often find forces them into areas of conflict, both publicly and privately.

Women have been gifted the opportunity to express themselves in a wide variety of clothing for decades and can wear both female and male clothing without raising so much as an eyebrow.

Traditionally, the only way a man can wear women's clothing in public and be accepted is if their dress is part of an entertainment act; a drag queen can perform in practically any pub to riotous applause, a transvestite might feel less confident of their welcome.

Subsequently, learning to ignore, or laugh about, the social stigma attached to 'a man in a dress' is often too painful for partners to cope with, a fact Simon is well aware of.

One of his girlfriends discovered that she was simply unable to deal with 'the other woman'.

“I was very open with her from the beginning - we met through a dating agency and she knew that I dressed as Becky occasionally and at first it wasn't a problem,” he said.

"But in the same way that I find it very hard to explain why I need to do this, why I want to wear women's clothes sometimes, she couldn't explain exactly why she couldn't handle it.

"At the time, it was absolutely heartbreaking, but in hindsight, I don't blame her at all. If we were the people we wanted to be, we just couldn't make each other happy.”

Others, however, have been able to not just tolerate, but embrace Simon's alter ego.

Without Becky, Simon wouldn't have met his wife Lucy, who he married last year (and no, if you're wondering, he didn't wear a wedding dress at the ceremony).

The pair met through their respective websites, and Lucy is fully supportive of her husband's interest in women's clothes - almost literally, some might say, because the pair share the same bra size.

"It actually took me a while to get my head around how fine she is with me dressing up as Becky," said Simon.

"She tells me that it's a part of my personality that fascinates her, but don't get me wrong, I still have to be a proper husband, I don't spend all my time wandering round the house in a frock - Becky just comes out every now and again.

"Lucy knows everything about me and she accepts me the way I am.”

Married life is wonderful, and shopping for clothes has been revolutionised since meeting Lucy ("it's much easier to wander into a clothes shop and pick up a skirt if you're with your wife," said Simon).

Wardrobe space may be tight, but the couple do share the odd item of clothing - and the same pair of gold killer heels in sizes five and nine - although Becky's taste is somewhat different to Lucy's, and Becky takes much longer to get ready for a big night out.

"You have to start planning about two or three days in advance because it's not just a question of slapping on some lipstick and a dress and heading for the door," said Simon.

"All through my 20s, I had hardly any hair on my chest or legs, but as soon as I started to be Becky, the male hormones kicked in and now I have to spend ages shaving it all off!

"After you've dealt with the legs, the arms and the chest, I have to tidy up my eyebrows before having a really close, proper shave on the day that I'm going out.

"The make-up takes a long time, because you have to apply foundation really carefully because you're covering up stubble and if you get that wrong, you might as well give up.

"After the rest of the make-up, it's the prosthetics to give you a cleavage, combing the wig and putting it on. If I haven't cocked up my mascara by this point, I'll probably take a few pictures for my website.

"I want to be able to 'pass'. In other words, I want people to think that I'm a woman, and not a bloke in a dress. The idea is not to look like something out of Little Britain.

"For me, it's the experience of wearing the clothes and the make-up and enjoying the double takes when people think 'is she a...?' It's a bit peacock-y, but I almost enjoy the reaction of other people more than the experience of dressing up itself."

Although close friends and family know that Simon dresses as Becky, not everyone is aware that he boasts two wardrobes; which is why he doesn't want his surname published and his wife's name has been changed for the benefit of this feature.

"Normally, I don't mind if people know about Becky, I just want to know that they know," explained Simon.

"My Mum knows, my brother knows, several people at work know, but I enjoy my privacy and you can never be entirely sure how people will react. It's hard to stop yourself thinking that everyone you used to go to school with will turn up outside your house with burning pitchforks."

Although Simon spends 95 per cent of his time dressed as a man, he finds it difficult to believe that more people don't spot 'the tranny in stealth mode' with his long nails, pierced ears and hair-free arms.

"If people aren't looking for something, they tend not to see it. The people who need to know about me, like my line manager, know because I wanted them to find out from me, rather than hearing something second-hand," he said.

"They've all been fine. You always imagine the worst, but in reality people have been very positive. It seems strange now that I spent so much time worrying about what other people would think of me.

“Before I accepted that I could dress like a woman if I want to, it used to feel like trying to keep a rubber ball under water - you could try and keep it below the surface, but eventually it would always bubble up and come to the surface.

“Now I know that if I want to, I can dress as Becky and the world isn't going to stop turning. I just wish I could get the hang of the high heels."



FACTS AND FALSEHOODS

• Transvestite comes from the Latin word tran, meaning across or over, and vester, to dress or wear. The term was coined in the early 1900s by Magnus Hirschfeld to describe people who habitually and voluntarily wore clothes associated with the opposite sex.

• Some people dress in women's clothing as a way of expression and are entertainers who dress in women's clothing during performances, but live life as a man, dressed in men's clothing. Others express their identity by wearing the opposite gender's clothing.

• It is estimated that only around 10% of the transvestite population are gay or bisexual. Most transvestites are heterosexual and are very often husbands and fathers who enjoy being men.

• Transvestites are often confused with transexuals, who feel they have been born in the wrong body and are compelled towards gender realignment.

• It is believed that as many as one in every 100 men may be transvestites and that almost a quarter have never shared their secret with their wives.

Becky's Web

source