[magneticheart]

Okay so I feel like I'm in a really crappy state of mind at the minute. So warning this might be long! I just need to vent and I find it much easier to type than to spill my emotions out (I'm not good with revealing my emotions). I also kinda feel that I don't have anyone that I could go to and feel comfortable telling things too. I just feel like I'm drifting away from my friends so much lately. We've gone through school together and now we're in college and I've known some of them for around two years and some for a lot longer but somehow I just feel totally separate from them. Like a complete spare wheel just hanging round. Over the last few weeks I've started to realise how we're drifting apart. We just don't have the same priorities at all and (i REALLY don't mean to sound patronising or annoying here) at times I feel like I'm a lot more mature than them. We're all around about the same age and I'm technically not the oldest but sometimes I just feel like they're a bit immature. This stage in my education is quite important to me. I want a good career and a good future so I'm really trying hard with all my coursework and stuff which isn't easy at all,and at times it gets to me but I hope in the end my hard work will pay off, but they just seem to go to parties (which they always neglect to invite me to btw) and get drunk and then make up some bull excuse about why they didn't do their college work. Now I know we're all young and I really don't wanna sound like I'm a total annoying, boring, self-righteous person here but that's kinda how I feel. Is that crazy? I'm much happier at and around home at this point in my life. I don't drink and being the only sober person at a party loses its appeal very quickly. They go to parties (fair enough I like parties like any other person) and they drink and sometimes smoke which I kinda don't wanna be around. They drink until they puke and then tell me the whole stupid story about their 'amazing' and 'hilarious' night as I sit there like 'Why are you telling me this?' and THEN they say "Oh it was great. You shoulda come!"
A) you didn't invite me and B) i'm not that interested in the first place.
They're really annoying me at the minute and they always make me feel bad for not wanting to fit in with their 'Let's party, act dumb, drink and smoke because we're cool and your not' irritating play.
In fact a 'friend' (not technically my friend but more a friend of my friend) said something in a really nasty way today (grrr she always tries and put me down in front of others but that's another story). I mentioned something about going out with someone I know last weekend and she went "Oh do you actually go out?" and laughed and it just made my blood boil!!! And they wonder why lately I don't want to hang out with them! I feel like I'm being treated like crap! But the worst thing is that I feel like it's totally down to me. Like I bring it on myself and maybe I'm just too up-tight for not going along with them.
Is it just me that has or problem? Or do I have a reason to be annoyed?
I know what I've just typed makes me sound awful and way too old beyond my years but i just needed so much to get it all out.
Any advice you have is really appreciated.
Thanks for reading my rant and sorry for typing that much lol

[Dragonfly]

"I know what I've just typed makes me sound awful and way too old beyond my years but I just needed so much to get it all out."

You don't sound awful at all, just frustrated. You are obviously a very serious person and you aren't willing to compromise - which you shouldn't.
Sounds like you know what you want and you understand the discipline needed to achieve your goals.

The problem is, your friends haven't reached this stage yet. They are too busy partying and getting wasted.

What you are experiencing has happened to a lot of us. I'd say that I finally started to grow up around 23. As a result, some of my friends outgrew me at 19-20. Then I started to outgrow others at 24.
It is kind of like a rite of passage into adulthood.

One thing you might want to do is try to keep in touch with only your closer friends. And suggest activities that you can have fun at, but don't include alcohol. I use to do brunch with one friend - we loved it.
Maybe they will realize that you are starting to outgrow them and they will make more of an effort to see you.

Hope I have helped

[magneticheart]

Thanks you've really helped!
I think suggesting doing things that don't include getting wasted like brunch is a great idea! I'm not sure how keen they would be but I'm willing to give it a go.
The most annoying thing about the whole situation is that I'm not a naturally serious person. When I'm around other people I love chatting and having a laugh but like you said my friends probably aren't at the same stage as me. I have lots of friends at college who I have a great time with and talk to and just have a laugh but being the most mature in my group of closer friends sometimes makes me feel like the older sister of the group. I hate feeling like a serious person because I know I'm not.

[Adrienne]

I understand. I had a best friend like that and we practically grew up together. And then our priorities changed. I grew up quicker than she did but now we're both moms and she takes more responsiblity than she used. Sometimes friends grow apart and thats part of life. Not all relationships were meant to last. Just because you don't have much in common doensnt mean that you have ditch them. Talk with them.

Or start by spending time with each one of them one on one. that way there is no way they nag on you so you don't feel left out.

[Johnnie]

As long as partying doesn't get in the way of your school work then I don't see a problem with it.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I think the girls are correct, at this time you've outgrown your friends. That doesn't mean that you have to dump them, but you will grow apart for a while. Obviously your interests are different, but theirs may change (and probably will!). I love the idea of having brunch or getting together in a different way than you are doing now! Things will get better, trust us!

[pinksugar]

well, I don't think you sound awful either.
I was lucky enough to find a group of uni friends that works hard during the semester, and parties hard during the breaks.

We've kind of stopped doing that now since we're closer to graduation.
I agree with the others, you have outgrown them but you don't have to dump them - maybe start to reach out and look for other people who have a similar mindset to you. School IS important and that's not something to be ashamed of - it's juvenile to throw the chance to get a good job away because you're too busy partying!

So, on the one hand, keep talking to them, maybe do a brunch or movies or something like Carolyn suggested, but also keep your eye out for new friends so you're not 'dependent' on them for all your friendships, if that makes sense.

I have my 'uni' friends who I met at university, and also my 'school' friends from highschool. When I get frustrated with one group I spend time with the others, LOL

[magneticheart]

Thanks for the advice!

[CellyCell]

Originally Posted by Carolyn

"I know what I've just typed makes me sound awful and way too old beyond my years but I just needed so much to get it all out."

You don't sound awful at all, just frustrated. You are obviously a very serious person and you aren't willing to compromise - which you shouldn't.
Sounds like you know what you want and you understand the discipline needed to achieve your goals.

The problem is, your friends haven't reached this stage yet. They are too busy partying and getting wasted.

What you are experiencing has happened to a lot of us. I'd say that I finally started to grow up around 23. As a result, some of my friends outgrew me at 19-20. Then I started to outgrow others at 24.
It is kind of like a rite of passage into adulthood.

One thing you might want to do is try to keep in touch with only your closer friends. And suggest activities that you can have fun at, but don't include alcohol. I use to do brunch with one friend - we loved it.
Maybe they will realize that you are starting to outgrow them and they will make more of an effort to see you.

Hope I have helped

That was said perfectly! I totally agree and I've totally experienced that.
I'm still in the "wanting to party and puke my brains out" mode but realized that my education is what I really need to focus on because I don't want to be some old ass hag still in college while everyone is enjoying getting big checks.

And I totally feel you about being more maturer than others. Although, I do like party/drinking. It's not something I like to do every other weekend. I much rather spend my time sight seeing or doing other things - sober. Ha. You gotta find that friend who can offer all that - that's why I like having my different types of friend. I got a party girl, a shopping buddy, a gym friend... on and on. At times I get frustrated when they're doing their own thing and exclude me - I try to remember that it's not the end of the world.

[_withoutYou]

It's amazing that you're moving on and realizing what's really important in life and becoming your own person. Always stand up for what you believe in, it *will* pay off later.

[LittleMissLilo]

I honestly know what your going through because I went through it in the last two years. When we all entered college, I grew up and got a job and focused on school while they were still asking mom and dad for money and partying every weekend. Its really hard because you want to still be friends with them and learn to accept them. But I couldn't do that anymore, I decided that if I wanted to be happy and we had no more interests that were the same then its just time to say goodbye.. when they come around, then maybe I'll still be here. Until then, its about me...

[shesadiva]

Is my advice too late?

Anyway I also experienced that when I was younger, just remember the golden rule "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you". If you are in a stage where you now see things in a different or better perspective don't try to push it to your friends. They'll keep up in their own time, I hope

[magneticheart]

Thanks so much for the advice everyone! You've really helped put things into perspective.

[Aniger86]

Guess this reply is a little too late since everyone has already put in their two cents worth, but better late than never they say I'll say you try to make other friends, friends that share your same interests (eg: people that take their studies seriously, are mature and you can all help one another out in your studies) while slowly spending less and less time with your present group of friends as associating with them is causing you so much stress with their immature behaviour. At one of the schools I attended, I did have a bunch of good friends, people who knew that study were important, they worked hard, and were mature for their age, but I never really appreciated them at that point. It was only after I lost contact with them that I realised if I had mixed with them more instead of going off with other 'friends', I might have accomplished alot more. Anyway, I hope you can soon find new friends who are more worth your time!