so.
Saturday was my 19th birthday.
now...I don't have big exciting wow-o-wow birthdays
It was....to be frank, just ok. I mean I got to hang out with some of my friends right?
but
-John was gone. second year in a row on my bday. I'm not upset by that part of it, I just miss him more than I'd miss a limb. I can't explain it, it just hurts. The person I spend my time with, the person I confide in, is not here. and if I want to talk? I have to wait until he finds the time to call me, because he has very little free time. He is, however, enjoying the chance of a lifetime touring italy. I just wish I was there with him.
-John house, where I have been staying while the people I technically live with were out of town and he is in italy, is infested with spiders. Brown recluses to be exact. (aka fiddle backs.) This is where I add in I have a paralyzing fear of spiders. John killed 2 the size of silver dollars in his house tuesday night, before he left. Friday night I found 2 more in the house, slightly smaller than those. I had to call a friend and have him come kill them at 3 in the morning. (I spent the rest of the night at a friends) Last night....I was in bed in my panties and tank (typical sleeping gear for my part of the world) when I felt something crawling on my leg. I thought it was a fly. I was wrong, I realized as Instinctively batted the spider off my leg. I proceeded to stand in the middle of the room bawling uncontrollably into the phone to my mother thousands of miles away. she had to walk me through every step to get me to my car. I fled, crying into the night.
-I ended up crashing at an ex boyfriends house....where I was very uncomfortable. not that I thought he'd try anything; I was just uncomfortable with the situation. thus I got very little sleep and fled at dawn-ish (8 am)
friday night after the spiders, when I fled to the friends house, johns house was still messy (his clothes from the night he packed where strewn all over, and my things were too) John had asked his father to mow the lawn...the father has a key to the house. despite their tumultuous history (they butted heads on a lot of things, there is a lot of hurt at least on johns part for some of the thins done) John respects his fathers opinion and desires nearly above all else to redeem himself in his fathers eyes/make his father proud. Its not so strong that he'd leave me if his dad didn't like me, but I am paranoid none the less. also, his father (who is a very funny man really) scares me shitless sometimes. =( So I end up acting weirder than normal because I'm trying to act perfect. ANYWAYS by the time I got back to johns house saturday, his father had come and gone. and been inside, a flyer that had been outside was now in. =( he came by again later, seemed very stressed/short tempered, I explained about the spiders and yet still felt...dismissed. pretty crappy feeling. =(
-I have a mosquito bite. By itself, this itchy little bump is no problem. But I have another bump. this one doesn't it, and has a ring of red around it. I think its either a flea or tick bite.....hopefully not something nastier. but since I don't know what it is......MORE STRESS.
-I may have had a miscarriage. john and I are careful but...one month of backpain coupled with 2 weeks of heavy bleeding with large clots strongly suggests a natural miscarriage. I am feeling very awful. idk if john and I would have kept it.....but all the same. we had no idea, it would have been really early in if it was, 2-4 weeks. Yet the sense of loss....
-My Uncle got married monday.
He was murdered saturday.
Local News : STANDOFF ENDS: Suspect shoots self - Frontiersman
Wasilla gunfire leaves two dead: Crime | adn.com
these are links to the articles 2 papers are printing....they leave a lot out.
Like what kind of man my uncle was...kind, caring, funny. Charming, a single parent. his wife, the mother of his 2 sons, died from liver complications due to alcohol 8 years ago. How he didn't date for years....how my cousin told my grandmother, when my uncle went on his first date, that "he went ice skating with a woman!". How he and his bride decided to wait until the younger of the 2 boys graduated (this last may) to wed, even though the boys already considered her a mother figure. He was a friend to all who needed one, an active member of the community, and in the way of all his family members, generous nearly to a fault. How he was the kid in school who could smile and put his arms around the teachers--everybody's friend. He was a man at the top of his game, in the prime of his life with a wonderful family. My mother is distraught. they snapped one last picture of them, all 6 of that generation, My grandparents, both uncles, my aunt, and my mother. It is now a treasure, the first time the family had been together in 30 years; sadly also the last.
and though I could go on...thats where I end my rant. I'm not looking for pity, I'm not looking for condolence. merely...release.
Bless your family and hold them close, life is such a fragile thing.
United_States
Australia
I'm so sorry for your loss 
Canada
