What do I do???

shoegal1980 · 08-27-2008, 11:00 PM

Ok, so I'm not one to share my secrets, but I am feeling really guilty and need to vent!!
So my friend likes this guy-and has for years
and about a week ago, I made out with him, and I have no excuse, I wasn't under any influence of any kind...I found out he liked me and it just happened! I feel like the most horrible person in the world, and told her, and she was a little upset but forgave me and all is totally normal. The thing is, I've been talking to him and I really think we have something and we've made plans for another date, I actually think I'm falling for him. What do I tell my friend? I feel horrible but I like him so much, should I give him up? Am I a horrible friend?

***pinksugar*** · 08-27-2008, 11:11 PM

I don't think you're a horrible friend, these things just happen.

I'm not sure what you should do. I guess you should just be upfront and honest with your friend. Perhaps your male friend should talk to her?

I don't really have any advice for this situation but best of luck and I hope everything works out for you!

Beautyfocus · 08-27-2008, 11:25 PM

You're not a horrible friend. You can't control your heart. These things happen all the time.
If her friendship is very important to you then you need to tell her.Don't let it get to far. Think about wouldn't you want your friend to be honest with you? Be honest and leave everything else to god. If she cares for you she will forgive you once again and be happy for you. It might be hard but it will be worth it. Friends are hard to find and you don't want to mess it up for a guy. Good luck although I'm sure you won't need it. XOXO

***brewgrl*** · 08-27-2008, 11:45 PM

You say something... so important to say something. Yes, there will be sadness, and maybe jealousy and a little hurt (mostly because it's already starting to happen behind her back) but imagine how much worse it would be if something DOES come out of this!!!

colormeup · 08-28-2008, 02:17 AM

If your friend has liked him for years, you have two choices, your friend or this guy. While it's unlikely your friend and this guy will date, the unspoken rule is not to date prospects of friends. So unless you think you might end up marrying thing guy, you might want to set your sights elsewhere.

***magneticheart*** · 08-28-2008, 07:26 AM

I don't think you're an awful friend, these things happen, it can't be helped.
First of all you need to be honest and upfront with your friend.
Tell her your feelings towards the guy and tell her you want her to tell you the truth about how she feels about the situation.
It's better for her to tell you how she feels now than hold a grudge for years to come.
Hopefully she'll understand but if she doesn't you might have to face the fact that you can't keep your friend AND the guy. If she's liked him for years it could be very difficult for her to see you two together and in that case you would have to decide where you want to take things from there.
Hope things work out for you!

bia910 · 08-28-2008, 08:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by colormeup

If your friend has liked him for years, you have two choices, your friend or this guy. While it's unlikely your friend and this guy will date, the unspoken rule is not to date prospects of friends. So unless you think you might end up marrying thing guy, you might want to set your sights elsewhere.

agreed

***Adrienne*** · 08-28-2008, 10:31 AM

Oh my I have been in this situation more than once with a same friend and I felt horrible but I still went with my feelings. The first time the guy wasn't even interested in her and came on to me and she encouraged me. We dated for awhile but then she tried to date him after we broke up and that caused a lot of problems as you do not date an ex. I know you don't go out with a guy your friend likes but she kept pushing it to me so and I did start to like him as she was falling for his friend anyways.

Then after he dumped me (the first guy), the friend that she had been lemming started wanting to go out with me. I was unfortunately in the rebound and did like him plus i really wanted to get back at my ex for dumping me on the day before valentines day(pr*ck). BUT I did talk to my friend before I went ahead and got her approval. I didn't push it, didn't even make it seem like i really wanted the second guy but it went over okay. She talked to this other guy who was one of their friends that she has liked for years and years and years, even longer than the first two. I also found out that that summer she spent all her time on the phone with guy #2 behind my back and didn't tell me.

The last cir***stance is with my husband (lol i'm sorry but I can kinda explain this one). Okay, she actually met him while she was dating the guy she was "together" with and then she was head over heels with him. For a whole year she would tell me about this new guy but they never actually officially dated. Well, we started to work together. He was not dating anyone at the time and I knew that my friend was crazy about him. We talked as friends forever but i didn't feel comfortable bc I knew that she wanted him. He was actually telling me of his wanting to be with another girl who I knew and they had been on and off for years. I encouraged him to go with her and quit playing with my friend. Then one day, he just cut off my friend as he'd been telling me for awhile that he was never really interested in her. she's very clingy (one thing i do know for a fact and also she falls in love with any guy who looks at her more than once).

by then me and my friend were having problems because she kept acting b*tchy and I told her everything and she still didn't believe me. She even asked me "You're not going to take him away from me, are you" I was pissed because she's approve everything else and that she didnt ask me to go out with my exes first to see how i felt about it. I didn't go out with the guys without her knowing how I felt first and me finding out how she felt. Well, she quit talking to me so i decided that she obviously didn't care of our friendship so i went out with him and we've since then had a kid and gotten married.

Funny thing she's still in the picture. She's really good friends with my sis in law and even sleeps over and she has her baby whos 6 months and were cool now. But as you can see, after all this long drama, I would highly suggest NOT TO PURSUE THE GUY! I was young (14, she was 13 when i dated the first guys) so it was minor childish bickering but still, my friend never told me the truth of how she felt. Your friend might not either in trying to keep you as a friend and not show her true feelings.

shoegal1980 · 08-28-2008, 11:47 AM

thanks guys
my friend did encourage me to go after him after she found out, but i'm just afraid she's saying that because she is such a good friend and she just wants me to be happy, which is amazing of her. I just don't want to hurt her...
i'm not sure if i'm going to go on a date with him or not, i'll keep you updated!

***Dragonfly*** · 08-28-2008, 12:32 PM

She did encourage you to go out on a date with him - because she is a good friend.
Everything is out on the table so go ahead and enjoy yourself.

***-Chelsey-*** · 08-28-2008, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by colormeup

If your friend has liked him for years, you have two choices, your friend or this guy. While it's unlikely your friend and this guy will date, the unspoken rule is not to date prospects of friends. So unless you think you might end up marrying thing guy, you might want to set your sights elsewhere.

I agree! These things do happen but when this comes into a friendship it really seems to mess things up. Maybe your friend really wont care when you talk to her about it but in my experiences it's best to just stay away from any guys that your friends are into. There's other fish in the sea, I'm sure you can find another one that none of your friends like.

***Adrienne*** · 08-28-2008, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shoegal1980

thanks guys
my friend did encourage me to go after him after she found out, but i'm just afraid she's saying that because she is such a good friend and she just wants me to be happy, which is amazing of her. I just don't want to hurt her...
i'm not sure if i'm going to go on a date with him or not, i'll keep you updated!

If you really think you and this guy might be great together or something worthwhile,I'd say go for it. If you know deep down that this may just be nothing, forget about it.