What to do when your man is chasing another woman (please respond) - Page 2

stellargirl9 · 01-27-2008, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kathy

I hope this doesn't come out too harsh, but it seems to me like the guy is playing you. I'm no relationship expert, but if someone I was seeing and had been in a committed relationship with for 2 years started emailing other woman the type of emails he's sending I'd say it's time to cut him loose. You just don't do that to someone you care about. I know I would never even consider doing that to a man I cared about. Why would I? If you love someone you shouldn't feel the need to be flirting with other people or asking them out on dates. Maybe you have these "demons" where he's concerned because he's given you reason to have them. Sorry if that seems crude, but I think you can do better. jmo...hang in there sweetie!

Thanks Kathy.
So basically you all think there is no way that I am wrong. You think he is definitely cheating.

***emily_3383*** · 01-27-2008, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stellargirl9

Do you mean you think I should back away from him? Maybe let him actually MISS me and realize what he has?

I would get rid of him period.

stellargirl9 · 01-27-2008, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emily_3383

I would get rid of him period.

but how am i supposed to get over him? he is my first love. he has spent 2 years showering me with love and attention and always there for me. I dont know why this is happening other than he has finally tired of my jealousy.But he isnt saying that. He is proclaiming his love for me (but is proclaiming being tired of my jealousy) and insisting he is still my man and loving me and refering to me as his wife, etc. I dont understand.

***Aprill*** · 01-27-2008, 10:51 AM

Getting over him will not be easy, it will not be fun. But the first step in felling better is putting focus off him and on you. Take a hot shower, put on some nice clothes, make your face flawless, smell good, get out of the house, go walk in the mall, walk around. Eat a good meal, get a good book, go to the movies. Yeah, you may be going alone, but you need you time now. Dont sit idle in that empty house feeling bad, go out and see the outside.

***Saje*** · 01-27-2008, 10:55 AM

Honey, straight up - first of - two years is really not that long anymore. Thats nothing in the grand scheme of things.

And think about this - you only know about this and only thought to check his e-mail because he effed up and slipped up. Otherwise, you'd be living with blissful obliviousness - not knowing that "YOUR" man is scheming on some 19 yearold this way... and telling you he loves you that way. For all you know - he's been doing it throughout the whole two years you've been together.

All he has for you are words you want to hear - but he doesnt have the actions to back those words up. If he really loved you like he said he did - this thread would not even exist.

Be tough and know that you deserve better than this **** who is promising you the world but is giving the platter to someone else.

stellargirl9 · 01-27-2008, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aprill

Getting over him will not be easy, it will not be fun. But the first step in felling better is putting focus off him and on you. Take a hot shower, put on some nice clothes, make your face flawless, smell good, get out of the house, go walk in the mall, walk around. Eat a good meal, get a good book, go to the movies. Yeah, you may be going alone, but you need you time now. Dont sit idle in that empty house feeling bad, go out and see the outside.

thanks April. Just to let you all know I am in therapy. I see my therapist weekly to deal with my jealousy issues etc. I am starting to fear my jealousy issues (the demons my guy refered to in the email to me) is whats drove him into the arms of another (or atleast trying to get in her arms)....that he feels he may as well find another since i always believe he has anyway. i just cant imagine why he would hurt me like this when he knows how fragile i am and how after being here for me all of this time, he would do something he knows will break my heart.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saje

Honey, straight up - first of - two years is really not that long anymore. Thats nothing in the grand scheme of things.

And think about this - you only know about this and only thought to check his e-mail because he effed up and slipped up. Otherwise, you'd be living with blissful obliviousness - not knowing that "YOUR" man is scheming on some 19 yearold this way... and telling you he loves you that way. For all you know - he's been doing it throughout the whole two years you've been together.

All he has for you are words you want to hear - but he doesnt have the actions to back those words up. If he really loved you like he said he did - this thread would not even exist.

Be tough and know that you deserve better than this **** who is promising you the world but is giving the platter to someone else.

yikes. so true. but so hard for me to take. I just dont think i will ever be able to trust a man again.
so you all dont believe there is any way i am wrong and he isnt cheating?

***emily_3383*** · 01-27-2008, 11:20 AM

Well i cant know if hes cheating or not but for you to have these feelings isnt a good thing either. Getting over someone wont be easy, and it never really is and he knows what to say to make you stay by his side. I mean they all do it. lol

stellargirl9 · 01-27-2008, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emily_3383

Well i cant know if hes cheating or not but for you to have these feelings isnt a good thing either. Getting over someone wont be easy, and it never really is and he knows what to say to make you stay by his side. I mean they all do it. lol

but i am so scared if i leave him and it ends up i am wrong and he truly loves me and i just lost the love of my life for no reason.

***Ricci*** · 01-27-2008, 11:35 AM

Most young women dont think 32 is too old for 19 ,that is a 13 year difference,,
To the original poster In my humble opinion Id dump his butt and find someone thats sweet and faithful with a good heart

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinksugar

mmm, agreed, massive red flags for me. Maybe he couldn't stand the thought of being completely blown off like that, and so to save face he asked her to go to a movie as if to say, it wasnt a DATE, just as friends.

Either way, I would not be happy if I discovered that. The only thing I can think of to do, is to sit down and remain totally calm, and say to him 'look, you asking her to go to the movies alone with you is something that really upset me. If you do anything like that again, then you will KNOW you are hurting me, and you will have no excuse. If you choose to contact her again then you will be aware of how it is making me feel, and I may choose to end the relationship.'

I personally feel that 19 is not TOO young for 32, IF he was single, but he's not. He's supposed to be more mature than to be running after teenage girls. I'd be hella pissed off.

Best of luck chicken, definately keep us updated!

stellargirl9 · 01-27-2008, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ricci

Most young women dont think 32 is too old for 19 ,that is a 13 year difference,,
To the original poster In my humble opinion Id dump his butt and find someone thats sweet and faithful with a good heart

thats the problem, for 2 years he HAS been sweet and faithful with a good heart and i didnt see this coming and im really freaking myself out over here with misery and sorrow. i keep praying i am wrong.

***Ricci*** · 01-27-2008, 11:59 AM

Hope hes not going thro midlife crisis .. I just went thro it

Quote:

Originally Posted by stellargirl9

thats the problem, for 2 years he HAS been sweet and faithful with a good heart and i didnt see this coming and im really freaking myself out over here with misery and sorrow. i keep praying i am wrong.

if u dont mind me asking how old r u?

Quote:

Originally Posted by stellargirl9

thats the problem, for 2 years he HAS been sweet and faithful with a good heart and i didnt see this coming and im really freaking myself out over here with misery and sorrow. i keep praying i am wrong.

***Kathy*** · 01-27-2008, 12:00 PM

Honestly, I understand what you're saying about feeling like your jealousy issues may have played a factor in what he's doing. And I won't disagree that it's probably something you need to look at, assuming it's true. HOWEVER, that still doesn't excuse him doing what he did. And as much as you may love him can you really ever trust him again? I know I'd find it difficult. Yes...people make mistakes, but they admit it and make it right however they have to. They don't deny it and blame it on someone else. I agree that you need some "me" time and if the two of you are really meant to be together then it'll work out in the end.

cheller · 01-27-2008, 12:01 PM

i would break up with him. i was soooo in love once, despite my age. i wanted to marry him. BUT he had a thing about having stupid little crushes on other girls. i finally got sick of it & broke up with him. no matter how much i loved him. it would have hurt my heart worse if i had stayed with him. my dad left our family for another woman, so im not the type of girl that is going to take that sort of crap from a guy. ever.