[pinksugar]

I totally agree with Aprill and Liz.

You seem to realise that beating you is wrong, but also that he'll just stop and it will be hunky-dory again.

I really don't care what his past issues are - there is absolutely no excuse for beating up women. You need to get out.

There is plenty of support here and on other websites for people in your situation. You are not alone, but the first step is realising that he wont ever change. You need to protect yourself, and do so immediately.

I am sickened by his actions. I know 'you love him' but he obviously doesn't love and respect you.

That really is all I'm going to say at this point since I think you know exactly what I'm thinking. I really am worried about your health and safety and I'm sure some of the other guys on this board are too.

Best of luck

[Jennifer]

i just have one more question. you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but i'm curious: is your father in your life?

[ColdDayInHell]

OMG, laurreenn! You need to get the hell out of that relationship STAT! Please don't be another statistic!!! Get out while you still can!

[S. Lisa Smith]

Go!! Run!! Save your life!!!! Saying that he's wonderful half the time means that he's crazy the other half!!! Don't subject yourself to this treatment!! Listen to your MUT friends, please!!!

[mahreez]

oh i feel for you. my bf and i had a huge fight before and he almost hit me...though they said, it's just as good as being hit coz the attempt was there. i know what you mean by you think it's not an option to leave. coz you're still hoping that somehow he'll change.

after that incident...it never occured again because we managed to settle our differences and not get into huge fights anymore. we give each other space when we're upset coz we don't want to get into heated arguments again.

however, if he hit me even at least once or no matter how insignificant it may seem. i will definitely leave him. i don't care if he's the nicest person in the whole world...if he couldn't control himself out of respect for me. then i don't know what else could change him.

i don't know you, but i do know that you don't deserve being treated this way. take care.

[Saja]

If you cant get out to protect yourself, get out to protect your sister. He is not only in your life, he is in her life too. Whats to say he wont hit her someday too. You said you hoped to fix it, but that kind of anger and pure evil, for lack of better words, is NOT FIXABLE. I dont care what anyone says, you cant change him, CANNNOOOOOTTTTT. And clearly you love him, but he does not love you. You cannot build a life with this man, because if you want kids, you know he would beat them to. If his anger escalates that quick, its not going to stop there, he is going to get much worse. You just have to leave, theres no other way.

[krazykid90]

I agree with every other post, you really need to get out of that relationship and find some where safe. I just want to add that its NOT your fault this is happening. People like him are just sick and twisted, and you really would be better off without him. *Hugs*

[Saja]

Originally Posted by krazykid90

I agree with every other post, you really need to get out of that relationship and find some where safe. I just want to add that its NOT your fault this is happening. People like him are just sick and twisted, and you really would be better off without him. *Hugs*

I should have added that too, its NOT YOUR FAULT. I hope you remember that!

[love2482]

You need to GET OUT NOW! This is a serious issue, he could KILL you. Please, GET OUT!

[Dragonfly]

The only way things will ever change is if he gets into therapy and wants to change.
There is nothing you can say or do that will make him change.

The reality is, If he does not get councelling, he will continue to beat you.

By the way, if you leave, he will beat the next girlfriend. So don't think his beatings are anything personal.

And I'll wager $10 that he has assaulted other girlfriends.

That is why the courts order abusers into therapy. They hope that the abuser will change and not assault any more.

Sadly, the likelyhood of an abuser changing and stopping - even with therapy - is slim.

And what is even more sad, the likelyhood of an abuser permanently harming or even killing their partner is greater.

Has your partner ever said he hurt a prior girfriend?
Has your partner said he will get therapy to stop hurting you?
Did he follow through and start therapy?

[Shelley]

I agree in regards to what Carolyn said above.

I know exactly how you feel because I was abused by now exboyfriend for 4 years. The abuse escalated. What you described.. my ex did similar things. He enjoyed seeing me in pain. Sometimes he would lock me in a bedroom for hours or a few days and terrorize me. Abusers often 'brain wash' us. They make us feel like garbage, beat us, and under the next breath they act all loving, caring etc.

It took me a long time to leave. I was so terrified to leave him. Why? He threatened me many times what he would do to me if I left. I'm not sure how it happened but one day I just got the courage to leave. He was out, I packed my clothes, ID, important papers etc and took off. This is common with abusers the threats of what they will do or crying, pleading they can't live without you if they know or think we will leave. Abusers want to be in control and have power over their victims.

You don't want to end up like me. I've needed three surgeries on my arm and wrist due to his abuse. I still need more surgery. I have scars all over my body. His beatings left me with head concussions, permanent partial hearing loss in one ear, broken bones, dislocated shoulder etc etc.

My ex would have eventually killed me. I knew it was coming.

My life is slowly coming together. I no longer have to live in fear of what he will do next.

If I can leave the horrible situation I was in, I know you can too.

When you make that decision do not stay with family or friends. Contact a shelter and stay with them. You don't want him to know where you are.

Here are some phone numbers and links that will hopefully help you. Cover your tracks when looking up this information. You don't want him to know you've been checking out information. If it's possible, check out information on the internet at a public library, internet cafe etc to be on the safe side.

Phone a shelter etc from a pay phone, mall etc.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) - Break the silence, make the call.

Safety Plan for leaving

Domestic Violence Safety Plan - An Abuse, Rape and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection

I hope this helped. Were here for you on MUT. Please keep us updated.

Noone deserves to be abused. It is not your fault! Hugs to you.

[Anthea]

Goodness, there are so many helpful posts, I sure hope you can make the right desision to get out. People like your boyfriend do not change, it will only escalate and get worse if you stay. My very best wishes to you.

[laurreenn]

thanks girls for your support i never thought i'd get so many people's opinions on this. shelley, thank you especially for sharing your personal story with me. that's scary what happened to you and i'm glad you got out while you could. aprilll, i feel like your my mom or sister and your supportive words really touched me.

a girl mentioned above that it seemed like i was asking for support to stay with him. that's not what i'm looking for. i wrote out that paragraph because i needed someone to talk to because i was sick of keeping all the stuff that was happening inside. i feel sick walking around my friends and acquaintances while hiding my boyfriend's secret for him. it just kind of felt nice to get it off my chest.

i was hoping there'd be a girl on here who had a similar experience and had a turn around. like the boyfriend changed or something and he realized what he was doing and stopped. after he's done, it genuinely seems like he doesn't want to do it again..and he's fixed his HUGE problems in the past which is why i think he might be able to do it again..

[erijane]

Originally Posted by laurreenn

people tell me that but i can't get the courage to leave. today, i have bruises all over my body. after he's done beating me up, i get into a shiver where my body shakes uncontrollably because i'm afraid and then sometimes he kicks me. i'm terrified of him. but when he's not being abusive he's wonderful.

I think its time for some real HELP! " my body shakes uncontrollably because i'm afraid and then sometimes he kicks me." That sure dosent sound like somthing that could be so compensated for that I would call the same person " wonderful" Lots of wonderful guys dont kick you!
GET HELP
Dont mean to sound cold but- this crazy thing women do by staying with these types of men NEEDs TO STOP_ your not help then next women he will be with by allowing him into think this is ok