[StereoXGirl]

I'm sorry, but you're not going to be able to fix him. This is not something that can be changed without therapy.

In all honesty, he belongs in jail for assault. He does NOT love you, no matter how many times he tries to tell you otherwise. His actions make that very clear.

I know you love him, but you really need to get out while you still can with your life.

[magosienne]

Originally Posted by laurreenn

we had a talk and he promises he won't do it again. he's been really nice to me all week. i think it'll get better now. i'll keep you girls updated. i know a lot of you girls are looking out for me and want me to leave, but i love him. he's my whole life, what would i do without him?

honey, GET OUT !! as everyone said, no matter what he says, you can't change him. sorry for being so straightforward, but even though you love him, he doesn't. he will continue to beat you, no matter what lies he has told you. you need to get out while you still can, trust me when i say women die everyday of abuse from their boyfriend/husband. do not become one of them.
you are strong and you can do it.

[Shelley]

Originally Posted by Carolyn

Laurreenn, I can't say this any more clear:

Until he gets into therapy, he will never change.

There are a few ways that he will get into therapy:

1 - He gets arrested and convicted of domestic violence. The courts will then order him into a program.
2 - He calls around to various agencies or his doctor, and gets a referral to a program that focuses on men and domestic violence.

You can do all the work to get him into a program, but I guarantee he will not attend.

The courts have to order him or he has to have an epiphany and realize that he no longer wants to hurt you, but can't stop.

Hoping, wishing and praying are not going to stop him from assaulting and abusing you.

I grew up in a very violent household. My father was quite sadistic and always took out his rage on my brother and I. My mother would watch, or walk away. I'm not going to go into detail because I don't want to upset other MUTers.

I tried to run away a few times as a teen, but the police kept taking me back. I'm 44 now; 30+ years ago, kids had no rights.

I finally left at 18. I see my father periodically because of my son. But my father has not changed. I still see the anger in his eyes. I still see the clenched jaw and red face. I still hear demeaning comments he makes about minorities. I never leave my son alone with him.

So after 26 years of me being gone, my father still has not changed.

So please understand that your boyfriend will not change.

And that is why everyone is telling you to get away from him.

I agree with Carolyn. The only way an abusive person will possibly change is through counselling. I was abused by my parents while growing up and they haven't changed.

Originally Posted by laurreenn

we had a talk and he promises he won't do it again. he's been really nice to me all week. i think it'll get better now. i'll keep you girls updated. i know a lot of you girls are looking out for me and want me to leave, but i love him. he's my whole life, what would i do without him?

My now exbf always promised me he wouldn't do it again. He would be fine and loving for a few days or few weeks but then would go back to his abusive ways. This is common with abusers. It's called a honeymoon phase. I felt the same way you do. You believe he will change or stop because his behavior is back to normal or he showers you with love etc. But this only lasts so long.

There are men out there who won't hit you or treat you this way. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect.

You do need support at this time to get you through this. I had no support while I was abused with the exception of one person who encouraged me to leave. There support, care helped and gave me the courage to leave. Do you have supportive friends or family that can help you? Were also here for you on MUT.

[MissMissy]

Well im not trying to be mean, but not a person on here can help you.. You have to help yourself, and you need to want to do that first.

And they dont change if he has hit you as bad as you say he as.. it is not going to stop.. He has you right where he wants you.

Behaivor like this reminds me of that song. Love is blind by eve.. ( i always relate songs to situations)

[mac-whore]

wow. i am so not trying to be a ***** here but, i find myself angry.. mostly AT HIM for what he's doing, of course but, also at the ignorance in general. i watched my mother get beat by my father for a few years, until one time he almost beat her to death and she left. did he mean to almost kill her? no. it was just another beating that went wrong. sweetie, you're headed nowhere fast. nobody on this message board can give u what u need or tell u what u need to hear. u need to speak to a professional and/or u need a personal revelation. i hope that u decide to take action and stop letting '' love '' be your excuse. you're worth so much more. keep us updated.

[AngelaGM]

My mother used to get beat really badly by my father. We can encourage you all we want but you will not leave until you know deep in your heart that you deserve better. Please know that you deserve to be loved by a man and not abused.

[kcam125]

it doesn't matter if he's wonderful to you after he's done beating you up, he shouldn't lay a hand on you! I hope you get up the courage to leave him soon, before your injuries get worse. I'll pray for you that you have the courage to get away from that abuser.

[kdmakeuparts]

Ok, so not only does he hit you, but you describe beatings. And then when you have endured one of his beatings you lie in a fetal postion shaking and convulsing. He then kicks you......ARE YOU KIDDING ME????????????
I don't care if he never does it again, the fact that he did this even once is unforgivable.
You will end up in the hospital or worse. PLEASE, I beg you get out and get help!!!!
Some of the girls have provided excellent resources....use them.
Be safe, my thoughts are with you.

[ivette]

thats a very dangerous situation. the beatings can easily escalate and put you at risk
for either serious injury or even death. i would get out of there ASAP. go to a family
member or good friend and stay with them until you can figure things out.

i was never in an abusive relationship but was born into one. caused alot of problems for me later in life

[laurafaye]

Stuff like this really pisses me off, not you, but him. Of course he is going to say he's going to get better, just so you stay with him so he can beat you even more. I agree with all the other girls, you need to get out and find someone who will treat you like you deserve, there is a lot of nice guys out there, you don't need to be stuck with a prick. Sorry if I'm being harsh but you don't deserve it.

[Karen CD FL]

GET OUT NOW!

Whether it is physical, emotional or verbal abuse, it cannot be tolerated on any level.

You are in danger!

With all the previous posts, I am sure everything has been said but YOU MUST GET OUT NOW.

If you must,call your local police, that will remove him from your premises and give you a chance to either change the locks or find other accommodations.

There are so many bad stories about people who did not leave. PLEASE DO NOT BECOME ONE OF THEM!

I wish you the very best.

[Lolita Von Tess]

Be strong, rise up and leave.That S.O.B has nothing to offer but pain and heartache and you deserve much much much better than he could ever give you.