Is cheating forgiveable? - Page 3

***laurafaye*** · 06-20-2008, 11:53 AM

Andi that must be so hard, it's so cute that you've stayed together for 2 years though, must be true love

And if my boyfriend cheated I'd be upset but I would probably forgive him as I am a naturally forgiving person

He hasn't cheated so far after 2 years though which is a good sign!

***Adrienne*** · 06-20-2008, 02:28 PM

I just wanted to add, from someone who's been cheated on already, I would never deal with it again. If me and my husband were to go our separate ways today and i were to find a significant other, i would not forgive him for nothing. I've realized that its too much pain and i have way more self esteem now and less patience for some guy to waste my time.

***laurreenn*** · 06-23-2008, 07:54 AM

pinksugar and katana, i totally agree with your points. i think it depends on each cir***stance you can't just have one black and white phrase to apply to every situation ("once a cheater always a cheater" doesn't apply to every situation).

Andi also brings up a good point. I mean if i could only see my boyfriend twice a year (or not see him at all! omg how do you do it?) i don't know what i'd do. of course i'd be devstated if he kissed somoene else, but i think it's understandable.

Lolita Von Tess · 07-22-2008, 11:33 PM

There complex reasons behind why people cheat(so its better not to judge). We as humans are all imperfect and all make mistakes. If a couple can work through it together and put the past behind them,then i believe there is plenty room for change.

***kcam125*** · 08-01-2008, 02:43 AM

from some experience with my parents, ehh. it's true in their case.

***Aquilah*** · 08-01-2008, 09:33 AM

Whether or not they change, I have no idea. Honestly, I cannot see myself staying with John if he ever cheated on me. That's opening a whole new can of worms that he doesn't even want to deal with!

***rejectstar*** · 08-02-2008, 11:49 AM

My boyfriend cheated on me about a year and a half into our relationship... he let another girl go down on him. She was a mutual friend, or that's what I thought anyway. We hadn't known her for very long, but I was comfortable around her and I was 100% secure in my belief that my boyfriend would never, ever cheat on me. No trace of doubt had EVER crossed my mind before this incident.

So, one night there was a party at my boyfriend's house, and the aforementioned mutual friend was there. We had a great night and whatever, but I had to go home eventually. I guess she stayed, and somehow ended up sleeping on the couch in my boyfriend's bedroom. I got a call from my boyfriend the next day, he sounded really upset, and said that he needed to talk to me about something, and I should come over. So I did, and he sat me down, put his arms around me and admitted that the night before, our "friend" had ended up in his bed, and things happened. Just hands and mouths, no actual sex. He apologized and said that immediately afterward he felt terrible about it, and was scared because he didn't want to lose me. So, I cried. And he cried. And I told him how hurt I felt, but I said I wasn't angry. I forgave him. Then I cried like I've never cried before... for about an hour, maybe longer. I honestly felt like my soul was being ripped out of me or something. It felt like forever. He layed with me and rubbed my back, and tried to comfort me.

We've been together for over 4 years now and are doing just fine. In all honesty, it did take a year or two for me to be able to trust him again. I want to be able to say I fully trust him, but that's what I said before, and it blew up in my face. He hates what he did, and he's told me before that it feels like a scar that won't go away. He avoids that girl now... neither of us want anything to do with her. She's a manipulative b*tch, good riddance! LOL.

So obviously you can tell by now that I'm one who doesn't believe in the "once, always" thing. People are human, and we makes mistakes. The love of my life is no exception to this rule, unfortunately. In our case, it was one slip up, a stupid decision that was regretted immediately afterward. I hope that he learned something from all of it, and won't do it again. I can forgive a cheater once, but ONLY once! An ongoing affair, emotional, physical, or both, would be grounds for ending the relationship, IMO.

Karen CD FL · 08-02-2008, 12:09 PM

Cheating is like smoking, you can't have just one.

I truly believe that once the bond is broken, there can never be 100 percent trust ever again.

***Killah Kitty*** · 08-21-2008, 01:25 AM

Hilary that is a touching story. Props to your man for telling you right away. It took me almost a year to fess up.

Quote:

I can forgive a cheater once, but ONLY once! An ongoing affair, emotional, physical, or both, would be grounds for ending the relationship, IMO.

I completly agree.

Karen Im sorry but I wouldn't compare cheating to smoking! Smoking is an addictive habit, but even it can be dropped if you want it bad enough. Cheating is not addictive.

***pinksugar*** · 08-21-2008, 05:54 AM

yes, thanks Hilary for that story, it was really moving. I agree with you Fran - cheating and smoking are not the same IMO...

I also agree that I'd never forgive a serial cheater. People do make mistakes, and I guess I feel that they should be given a chance to improve upon themselves

***magneticheart*** · 08-21-2008, 06:38 AM

I think that there are situations where a cheater can change but in general, no.
I wouldn't be able to forgive a cheater. I think once the trust is broken it can't be repaired and trust is the most important thing. I think you'd drive yourself to insanity wondering where they were and what they were doing and it just wouldn't be worth it. If someone cheated on me it would always be on my mind and I'd drive myself crazy not being able to let it go.

Johnnie · 08-21-2008, 09:41 AM

If my SO got oral sex from someone other than myself, that's it. I'm out. No if, ands or buts about it. He betrayed me and that's all it takes is one time. If he cried because he was 'so sorry' I wouldn't care. I don't play games like that. To me you're either in or you're out!

***xtiffanyx*** · 08-22-2008, 01:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmgjmg623

If my SO got oral sex from someone other than myself, that's it. I'm out. No if, ands or buts about it. He betrayed me and that's all it takes is one time. If he cried because he was 'so sorry' I wouldn't care. I don't play games like that. To me you're either in or you're out!

Same here...I wouldn't give someone the chance to mess up a second time.