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How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

post #1 of 35
Thread Starter 
I have an extremely good friend that I care about deeply named Kev. He was in a VERY bad relationship with a lady that was about 20 years older than him and he is going to be 28 this month. Now that they aren't together he is really struggling to meet girls in his age range. For some odd reason women who are older express interest in him, but younger girls are like whatever. He can get a younger girls number, but can't get her to go on a date with him. He is very funny, sweet, a gentleman, he's not a cheater, I really can't say enough good things about him.

He got really frustrated about the whole situation, so I suggested that he make an online dating profile. He did and immediately stated getting contact from younger women. He started talking to a girl named Dionne who was 30, seemed really nice, and had some really nice pics on her profile. After a few weeks, he actually set up a date with her and to make things less awkward they were both gonna have a friend with them. Well she said me and Kev could go over her house which was about 45 minutes away and just chat for a bit, then go to Dave and Buster's together. We drove over there and parked.

A very large lady (perhaps even morbidly obese) met us at the door and told us to come in and sit down. Kev then said "Hi I'm Kevin, I'm here to meet Dionne", she then said "OH I'M DIONNE". Well you can just say there was some silence in the room. I could tell that Kev wanted to get out of there ASAP and he said that we were going to Taco Bell around the corner and if she wanted anything. She said yes and to bring her some Chessey Gordita Crunches. Well needless to say we weren't going to TB and he drove out like a bat out of hell! I was shocked because the photos online were not of this lady!!!

He then started talking to someone else online who was also a younger girl and was very nice looking. Once again after talking to her for a few minutes they set up a date. I didn't go this time, but he said that when he was waiting for her outside her home. She sent a text message saying "if you don't like how I look, let me know we don't have to go out". He said he got a bad vibe, but thought nothing of it. The lady then came out and was once again an obese 40+ year old lady. Well to not be a jerk, he got out the car and introduced himself or whatever and she noticed that he looked disappointed. He then said they could still go out and have dinner though. Well they went to dinner, but he really didn't want to. He also said that the lady was making sexual advances at him at dinner, but he was clearly not interested. Then he asked why she posted the decieving pics on her profile and she stated it was her, but when she was 25, and when she had pics of her now nobody would contact her.

Is this something that is prolific throughout dating sites, are there and legit profiles. What sites do you suggest, or are there any ways to tell if someone is just lying?
post #2 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

I've never used a dating site, but I suggest your friend request webcam chats with women before actually meeting them. That way he knows exactly what he's getting into before going to the trouble of driving over to their houses and discovering they're not really who they presented themselves to be. If the women refuse webcam, I'd assume they have something to hide.
post #3 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

Unless they both have a web cam there's no way of telling who's lying or not. Your poor friend. He seems like a sweetheart.
post #4 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

I don't know I would always be skeptical, but sometimes people are their own worst critics.

That all being said a good friend of mine who just went through a messy divorce met his new GF through plentyoffish.com

I met her recently while we were all hanging out in a bar. Some of the stories she told me made my skin crawl. Its the same kind of thing plentyoffish is also sort of a social place and women might make friends and sometimes compare notes about who they dated and so forth. My friend was one of their topics one day.

I don't like "locker room talk" when guys do it and sounds like even less when women do it.
post #5 of 35
Thread Starter 

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

I've never even thought of the webcam thing!!! I fell like such a dummy for not suggesting that before!

Oh yea Johnnie, he is such a sweetiepie, he's so loyal and funny, I feel so bad he has to go through this bad luck.
post #6 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

You can't tell if the person is honest about anything - that's why I would never use one.
post #7 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

What a situation. That must have been akward for him to meet those cons face to face. And the nerve of that one to ask you both to bring some dam* taco bell back!! lol. Shame on them. I agree, webcam all the way. The whole internet dating is a gamble in itself. Even if he were to meet a physically attractive woman, she could easily be lying about her personality and or intent. He will not actually be there to read her well. The best way to meet someone is the old fashioned way...face to face (either by blind dates set up by friends or just by chance). He should just enjoy life..get out and do the things he loves to do. I'm pretty sure a wonderful lady will cross his path. He sounds like a good catch. I wouldn't trust the whole internet route.
post #8 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

You must always assume that the pictures posted are false. Everyone put there best face forward first, especially if their best face was 20 years and 40 lbs ago. He must always assume that.
Web cam is the way to go. My sister is a very large woman herself, yet with a beautiful personality. She's married, but she too plays an online game and has men falling over themselves for her. She is never honest with her pictures, even sharing as friends only, men and women alike. I used to play an online game for several years, which is a lot like a dating site to some people. Even sharing pictures as friends only was always a big surprise later. I learned over the years to take those pics with a grain of salt. I was just there to play the game but it's funny how things work out.
I never thought of the game as a dating site but I did end up meeting my fiance' on there. We were very upfront though, took it slow, and shared honest pictures. We web cammed for over a year before we met, and we knew when we met that we were already going to be together. The first day I met him face to face was the day we moved in together.
Him and I both were very lucky that we fell for honest, upfront people. My advice only comes from imagining how that could have been different. Your friend needs to share lots and lots of pictures. Ask specifically for recent pictures. Talk on the phone a lot, email a lot, take it slow. Before he meets someone face to face, tell him to give them a last chance to be upfront so neither of them is surprised.
Other than that, I can only emphasize taking it slow. I know he's in a hurry to find someone and be happy, but he needs to be reasonably sure that he could love the person he's about to meet despite a little flubbing about their flaws.
post #9 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

not everyone has a webcam

in fact very few people i know have webcams
post #10 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

Thats true, but if you're serious about having a relationship, it's a purchase they should both be willing to make. I did.
post #11 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

Dont be offended but that story was so funny i was laughing It reminded me of the Married with Children episode where al' has his friends calling a sex hotline & the talk to this seemingly Sexy Lady named "butter" & than the find out its als Obese mother in law
ah anyways I Think its obvious You can barely tell when a person is liying to you face to face why would anyone Believe ppl are honest online? I say if he really is a great guy than a great girl will eventually find him & vice versa its called taking your time & go out into the real world & acxtually meet ppl!!!! Its funner & you actually get to see your options instead of sitting in front of a screen typing & waiting for a response from a total lying about looks stranger!!!!
post #12 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

Originally Posted by ChittyChatJune View Post
What a situation. That must have been akward for him to meet those cons face to face. And the nerve of that one to ask you both to bring some dam* taco bell back!! lol. Shame on them. I agree, webcam all the way. The whole internet dating is a gamble in itself. Even if he were to meet a physically attractive woman, she could easily be lying about her personality and or intent. He will not actually be there to read her well. The best way to meet someone is the old fashioned way...face to face (either by blind dates set up by friends or just by chance). He should just enjoy life..get out and do the things he loves to do. I'm pretty sure a wonderful lady will cross his path. He sounds like a good catch. I wouldn't trust the whole internet route.
I actually know someone who met her boyfriend online - not through a dating site, but still. She became very good friends with him before they ever met in real life, and they did webcam beforehand. They've been dating for about a year now. People lie about/misrepresent themselves irl, too, especially if they go into a date without having been friends with the person before (and therefore wanting to put their best face forward). Even if you can't lie about your looks in person, you can misrepresent who you are to make yourself look better. I don't think you can ever be certain that the person you're dating isn't covering up their flaws, especially if you didn't know them well before you started dating them.

Darla, I think a webcam is a good investment if one plans to be serious about finding someone on the Internet. Most laptops these days come equipped with them, but you can buy them separately at fairly low prices.
post #13 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

Webcams can be found cheap...for around $7-$10
post #14 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

There isn`t really much you can do unless he tries webcam, I mean you never know who is behide the computer talking to you, it could be anybody, for all you know that person could turn out to be a guy. Thats how pedophiles track down young girls, because there is really no way of telling who the person truely is.
Hence that is why I don`t use online dating, it is a very dangerous, risky move.
post #15 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

Originally Posted by Topazz View Post
Thats true, but if you're serious about having a relationship, it's a purchase they should both be willing to make. I did.
Exactly!
post #16 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

Sadly that's how dating sites work I guess. Many are lying about their looks, age, etc.

And yes, the webcam suggestion is good! I would do the same too.

You might also want to check this experiment too. The Lie Detection Experiment. This is not the answer to your problem but I think it's a good concept for an experiment to identify liars and all that.
post #17 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

I met my boyfriend online. We've known each other eight years, been together for almost 2, and lived together for over a year. I also have a friend that has been married almost a year and met his wife on an internet dating site. So it can work.

Since your friend seems to be having bad experience after bad experience, I would suggest webcaming also. Or maybe met at a public place so he can check out his date and then pass if he wants too (something like what happened in You've Got Mail).

With a lot of those sites, anyone can sign up. He might want to look going a more professional route by looking at eharmony or even a matchmaker.
post #18 of 35
Thread Starter 

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

Originally Posted by MakeupByMe View Post
Dont be offended but that story was so funny i was laughing It reminded me of the Married with Children episode where al' has his friends calling a sex hotline & the talk to this seemingly Sexy Lady named "butter" & than the find out its als Obese mother in law
ah anyways I Think its obvious You can barely tell when a person is liying to you face to face why would anyone Believe ppl are honest online? I say if he really is a great guy than a great girl will eventually find him & vice versa its called taking your time & go out into the real world & acxtually meet ppl!!!! Its funner & you actually get to see your options instead of sitting in front of a screen typing & waiting for a response from a total lying about looks stranger!!!!

Your telling me, after the initial shock of seeing that lady I kinda did wanna crack up, but I was thinking how do I get outta here, without being such a bee-otch! Once we got in the car and Kevin expressed his disgust I laughed all the way home and some days afterward!!!
post #19 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

it all depends on his actions, if the other part is doing things that have love meansing, you can tell that he/she has love feelings. but if he/she talks a lot and do nothing but talk, he/she is probably full of shit.
post #20 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

Originally Posted by perlanga View Post
I have an extremely good friend that I care about deeply named Kev. He was in a VERY bad relationship with a lady that was about 20 years older than him and he is going to be 28 this month. Now that they aren't together he is really struggling to meet girls in his age range. For some odd reason women who are older express interest in him, but younger girls are like whatever. He can get a younger girls number, but can't get her to go on a date with him. He is very funny, sweet, a gentleman, he's not a cheater, I really can't say enough good things about him.

He got really frustrated about the whole situation, so I suggested that he make an online dating profile. He did and immediately stated getting contact from younger women. He started talking to a girl named Dionne who was 30, seemed really nice, and had some really nice pics on her profile. After a few weeks, he actually set up a date with her and to make things less awkward they were both gonna have a friend with them. Well she said me and Kev could go over her house which was about 45 minutes away and just chat for a bit, then go to Dave and Buster's together. We drove over there and parked.

A very large lady (perhaps even morbidly obese) met us at the door and told us to come in and sit down. Kev then said "Hi I'm Kevin, I'm here to meet Dionne", she then said "OH I'M DIONNE". Well you can just say there was some silence in the room. I could tell that Kev wanted to get out of there ASAP and he said that we were going to Taco Bell around the corner and if she wanted anything. She said yes and to bring her some Chessey Gordita Crunches. Well needless to say we weren't going to TB and he drove out like a bat out of hell! I was shocked because the photos online were not of this lady!!!

He then started talking to someone else online who was also a younger girl and was very nice looking. Once again after talking to her for a few minutes they set up a date. I didn't go this time, but he said that when he was waiting for her outside her home. She sent a text message saying "if you don't like how I look, let me know we don't have to go out". He said he got a bad vibe, but thought nothing of it. The lady then came out and was once again an obese 40+ year old lady. Well to not be a jerk, he got out the car and introduced himself or whatever and she noticed that he looked disappointed. He then said they could still go out and have dinner though. Well they went to dinner, but he really didn't want to. He also said that the lady was making sexual advances at him at dinner, but he was clearly not interested. Then he asked why she posted the decieving pics on her profile and she stated it was her, but when she was 25, and when she had pics of her now nobody would contact her.

Is this something that is prolific throughout dating sites, are there and legit profiles. What sites do you suggest, or are there any ways to tell if someone is just lying?



Tell your friend to error on the side of caution. If you have a gut feeling that something in rotten in Denmark, I act according to that gut feeling. Better safe than sorry. Besides with onlne dating you don't have the problems that you would have in the brick and mortar environment. Email can be deleted and on to the next relationship. One of the good things about online dating.
post #21 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

I like to think there is more to a woman than meets the eye, but the behavior of those women in person was either immature or just not exactly charismatic and endearing.

Also, if this guy is such a catch, why aren't you or any of your friends dating him (especially since he's made it known that he's single and looking)? The blade slices two ways. It could be possible that he himself is not conventionally desireable to younger women or he looks at all the wrong girls? I mean no offense to him, but he could possibly revise his strategy and means if he's very serious about finding something long term.

Funny Side Note: I used to be on Plenty of Fish too...for like one week. I got tons of email every day and half of them were asking me for "a real picture of myself." And I was like, "Yours may not be a real picture of YOURSELF, but that IS me, a**hole." The general quality of guys and girls on free internet dating sites is close to toilet bowl scum. Not all, but most.
post #22 of 35
Thread Starter 

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

Originally Posted by kabuki_killer View Post
I like to think there is more to a woman than meets the eye, but the behavior of those women in person was either immature or just not exactly charismatic and endearing.

Also, if this guy is such a catch, why aren't you or any of your friends dating him (especially since he's made it known that he's single and looking)? The blade slices two ways. It could be possible that he himself is not conventionally desireable to younger women or he looks at all the wrong girls? I mean no offense to him, but he could possibly revise his strategy and means if he's very serious about finding something long term.
Umm I am not interested in dating Kev because we are friends and I have a bf I've been with for almost 5 years. I would try to get him to date a friend but all my girlfriends have boyfriends just like me, with the exception of one who says she doesn't wanna date someone because she is going to the peace corps for 2 years.

He has been single for a while now and I see girls have interest in him, but they are all older, and he has no interest in dating a much older lady anymore. He always goes to clubs and bars to meet someone, but I don't really think it's the best place to meet a classy woman who wants a long term bf, so this could be his badluck. I think he needs to meet someone through his friends or family, but seriously everyone is really taken.
post #23 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

@Perlanga: Actually, there are a lot more eligible girls than eligible guys that are single. I have so many single female friends that are hard-working and decent, usually fairly cute too. Many of them have never had a boyfriend as long as I've known them. In my opinion, there is a lack of good-looking, mature and interesting guys. Could it be that tastes don't always mesh?

I definitely agree that it's a crappy idea to pick up girls and guys at a bar. He might get lucky, but in general, it's not recommended. If he's looking for a serious relationship, he should try Eharmony. I hear it's really in depth. And if he's serious about mating, a professional matchmaker isn't a bad idea either.
post #24 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

i used to be on OKcupid and there were tons of guys on there doing the same thing that these women are doing! you'd get a couple of headshots that were either half-lit and turned 3/4 angle so you couldnt really see-- or some that were clearly taken from google and looked oddly professional. lol

i really think he needs to webcam people before he meets up with them. i wouldn't feel safe doing it without a webcam anyway. poor guy though.
post #25 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

That was both funny and sad at the same time. lol. I really do hope he's able to find someone, though!

Originally Posted by kabuki_killer View Post
@Perlanga: Actually, there are a lot more eligible girls than eligible guys that are single.
I think it really depends on where you are and who your friends are. Almost everyone I know over 20 years of age is married.
post #26 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

This seemed to be a pretty comprehensive list of links to tell about who is lying.

How to tell if someone is lying on the phone - Communication Issues - Helium
post #27 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

Lying on the phone...hmmm

A few things I notice when someone lies are:

When the person says "Whaaat?" - great stall tactic or perhaps a diversion to avoid answering the question.

When the person takes too long to answer a simple question

When a person can't remember the responce they gave to the same question earlier.

**When someone is telling the truth, they don't need a decent memory.
post #28 of 35
Thread Starter 

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

Originally Posted by StereoXGirl View Post
That was both funny and sad at the same time. lol. I really do hope he's able to find someone, though!



I think it really depends on where you are and who your friends are. Almost everyone I know over 20 years of age is married.

I agree 100% in my circle of friends there is only one girl who doesn't have a bf. Even if I go into aquaintances I can't think of any girl who isn't taken.

I feel bad for the guys around here, because all of the good ones really are taken!
post #29 of 35

Re: How can you tell if someone is lying on an internet dating site?

Yea i second the webcam chat. That way you know what your getting into.
post #30 of 35

If they don't have a webcam, I ask them to exchange pics geared to our own specifications.  Like, I'll ask her to send me a pic with my name hand written on a sheet of paper, with a heart or a star or something in it.  I'll ask her to do it in black and white.  Full body shot.  Something she doesn't have just conveniently sitting in her camera phone.  I usually ask of this after a few conversations.  If she doesn't agree, or goes on the defensive about it, then there is a strong possibility that she/he is hiding something.  I won't take the chance and discontinue talking to her.  I've learned as I go.  I enjoy meeting new people online, but you have to be very careful.  Listen to everything they say.  And ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS go with your gut feelings.  If something he/she says doesn't sit well with you, then chances are, they aren't portraying true character.  BE SMART!!!!

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