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advice?

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 

Well, this is a semi-relationshipy issue, so hopefully this is posted in the right place, lol.

 

Well, here's my question. Burnt/broken bridges: mend or leave alone?

 

Context! Since moving away for college and later grad school, I've lost touch with my hometown friends. Initially, I'd say I didn't care a whole lot, but lately, now that I live farther away from home and have less-frequent-but-longer visits, I feel kind of alienated whenever I'm back home. It's like everyone is still tight/good friends, and I'm the only one that moved on/broke my ties. I feel left out. I'm FB friends with a lot of these people, but apart from that we don't really communicate. I sometimes wonder if it's best to just leave it as it is (maybe these broken relationships were just inevitable) or if it's worth it to try and reconnect with these old friends? (but, oh, the awkwardness! I feel like I don't belong anymore!)

 

One old friend in particular has been on my mind, the man friend! We grew up together, his mom was my pediatrician, and we were somewhat good friends. Thing is, I loved him. He was the first guy I ever loved. Pretty much the only guy I ever loved. I told him when I was 17, and was unsurprised, albeit crushed, when he didn't reciprocate. I cut him out of my life b/c I couldn't deal with the heartbreak.

 

It's been 10 years, so we're 27 now. I had eventually moved on, met and was subsequently screwed over by a number of other guys. Maybe it's this whole, missing-and-wanting-to-relive-my-past thing, but I've been thinking of him lately. Well, also, last year my mom was pestering me about trying to get together with him (she didn't know about my feelings for him as teens) b/c she thought we'd be a good match (pff. b/c we're both single and he's a doctor now, haha) I brushed her off, but decided to FB message him anyway, just to say "hey, my mom told me she ran into you earlier...how've you been all these years?" or something. I never heard back from him.

 

So, you'd think that being ignored (I'm assuming?) would be sufficient reason to get on with life. But somehow I just can't. I mean, I don't pine over him every night or anything...I just...think about him now and then. Wondering what it'd be like to see him again, after all these years, to talk to him. Secretly wondering if maybe, just maybe, we needed 10 years to go by so we could grow up a bit and eventually reconnect, given the chance? I even wrote a short story about it for my fiction writing class, in hopes that it would be therapeutic/help me sort out my emotions, turns out it screwed me up more, lol.

 

I guess I'm feeling the urge to attempt to reconnect with him again. Add him on LinkedIn since they keep recommending him to me...or take a bigger step and write him a real message on FB, more than "hey how's it going" but something more...honest/sincere. Course, I feel like such a move would make me seem...crazy? lol I guess I try to justify it to myself by saying it's not about romance, it's more me just missing his friendship (ex: I went to my first NBA game recently and wanted to tell him b/c when we were friends, he would've loved talking to me about it)

 

Long story short...is it ever appropriate/helpful to reach back and reconnect with your past? With friendships? With friendships damaged by unrequited love? If it's ok...how do you go about in it? If it's not...how on earth do you get past it?

post #2 of 4

Sometimes, I think it is appropriate. In this case, I don't think so. From the little I know, it doesn't sound like he's interested, and it seems like it might only lead to more heartbreak for you. If I were you, I'd cut him out of my life completely, block him on all those social media sites, and concentrate really hard on making yourself happy. Its ok to reminisce once in a while, but to constantly think of someone who has already rejected and continues to ignore you is unproductive and unhealthy. 

 

I hope this advice is helpful and not hurtful, but I really do think it is best to just move on.

post #3 of 4
Thread Starter 

Not hurtful at all; I think you're right. I suppose it's stuff I've known all along but just wanted to ignore b/c I wanted someone in my life. Since there's no one, I revisited old attachments. The logical part of me knows it's unproductive, and I'm glad that the logical side of me won out and I didn't do anything stupid, lol.

post #4 of 4

It's really hard because the people that we fall for when we are very young seem to stick so strongly in our minds. So many "firsts" happen with them during such an emotional part of life. In your case it sounds like it has been a long time and he hasn't reached out to you so I would let it be. Being alone is hard, especially during the holidays, but it sounds like you have a rational view on things and I think that is wonderful. In the meantime, enjoy your friends and your relationship freedom until Mr. Right comes along.

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