Re: Don't feel pretty anymore?
How long have you been together? I'm curious b/c I read an article once where it said that, typically, compliments from the man in a relationship tend to drop off after the relationship has been stable and exclusive for only about 3-5 months,or less--even vanishing altogether! As bad as that sounds, from my own experience and what I've heard from other women, it's also true. It is extremely hurtful to feel unnoticed and physically unappreciated by your partner, the person who you want to please--in every way, of course including our looks!--most in the world.And if he knew how much,how badly he was hurting you, I truly doubt your boyfriend would want to be doing so!Men can just be sort of slow to understand things sometimes, esp. how essential verbal communication is to us.Like one of the girls here already wrote, your boyfriend by now probably just assumes you KNOW you're gorgeous, and that you know he knows it, so what good does it do to have to repeat it(in his opinion)? Of course, it does a LOT of good--as we women know!--but men are not "natural" complimenters, usually. They tend to prefer actions to words(i.e. rather than say "I love you",many would prefer a woman just "know it" by the fact he is with her, or a nice thing that he does).It can feel as if he almost "uses up" his resources of compliments at the start of a relationship, and by 3 months time or so, when he has no new ones to say, often will stop giving compliments altogether, b/c, in his opinion, he has "already given them all."Women often really desire to be reassured about looking good to their partners on at least a weekly, sometimes daily, basis,it's part of what makes them feel loved, but to a man, if it isn't spontaneous, no matter how beautiful they find their partner still, giving a compliment b/c their partner wants to hear it can feel like work or a requirement to them, often making some even a little resentful.(If he isn't looking/lusting after other girls, if you are the center of his life, a man feels you should KNOW he finds you beautiful on every possible level. But when you dress up special to look extra nice, and it isn't verbally noted by him, you can feel downright overlooked, or ignored. I know about this: I have been married 7 years! There is a huge gap in the spoken and unspoken language of men; there are many,many things--often complimentary,to you--that they simply are gradually less comfortable telling you on a regular basis. But I think for women, communication is CENTRAL to love, so if a man does a thing like stops complimenting us, we feel the problem runs deeper, and might even be with the relationship itself.IMO,though, it's actually just a normal part of a relationship's progression, which can be dealt with and cleared up. So first, don't worry!
As the girls above me have said, there are definitely things you can do to make a translation of your need for reassurance easier for your boyfriend to understand.Like they said:First try and talk to him,tell him how unappreciated and downright bad his lack of compliments is making you feel.Most men are not,themselves, reassurance or compliment seekers,not actively,but when you dress up nicely for him and take time and care to look your best, you can pretty much know that he DOES know it's for him, and DOES appreciate being the center of your attention in such a way: it's a way in which you help to reassure HIS ego, whether you plan to or not. And Carolyn is absolutely right: if you were to take a week or two "off" of looking good, he would probably take it very personally
n top of finding it less attractive than usual, he would wonder why you weren't caring for yourself (and his ego) in the same way, imagining it reflected a loss of interest in HIM. If talking doesn't work,I think you should try that approach out. My husband told me once, about my feeling unappreciated(it had to do,this time,with my "improved" cooking) "Just b/c I'm not saying something about you, doesn't mean I'm not thinking it."
Did your boyfriend give you lots of compliments before?If so, then the absence must be especially hurtful.Maybe(I tried this once, and it worked)you could plan a romantic, special evening together, where you meet at a restaurant or on the beach, arriving separately, so it is more in the spirit of a first date. If you dress as stunningly as you have been, in another setting, it might strike him even more than it already has been doing,and,if you've spoken to him about it, he might remember to compliment you this time, and recall to keep doing so,more, for a time after.
One last thing: It sounds like you like to dress up nicely, which is great, because in the end(or beginning,or whatever!)we all dress for ourselves, for how we feel:a way of taking care of ourselves. Just don't forget to appreciate all the wonderful qualities that your boyfriend, right now, is not bringing up;don't neglect or lose sight, yourself, of any of the gifts you've been given.