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Drunk Boyfriend - Your thoughts?

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
Okay, don't get me wrong in any way, I love my boyfriend/fiance to death. He is a great guy, and he really treats me well. He does all those sweet things most girls want in a guy. He kisses my hand, buys me things for no reason, is intimate with me when we're alone (not in public, we both HATE P.D.A.), and always tells me I look beautiful as soon as he sees me, not to mention he notices little things that most men wouldn't even see.

But lately... I've been getting worried about his drinking problem. He's 20, and in the U.S. the drinking age is 21. So naturally, not only is it illegal, he could get in a lot of trouble. He has been drinking since he was 16 years old at parties. When we started going out, he never drank, not once, until about a year and a half later, he started up again. This is very difficult for me to understand because I have only drank maybe twice in my life, and both times were half a glass of wine mixed with 7-up when I was 10 because my aunt told me it was good for me. My friend died when I was 15 walking to the 7-eleven and he was killed by a drunk driver, he had the same morals I have now, and I continue with his morals in his memory. I have done drugs twice, and never done them again. He started smoking (weed) again last year, and now he's stopped because I convinced him he needed to because he would lose his job he worked so hard to get.

He's not violent when he's drunk, he's just a happy drunk. He always smiles at me when he's been drinking and tells me everything he loves about me, and sometimes I like him more when he's drunk then when he's sober, he's nicer. But I still worry, sometimes he gets angry and brings up my ex-boyfriends that I haven't talked to or seen in 3 years. He fights with me about them and calls me a slut because I wasn't a virgin when I met him and he was. He can be smart when he's drunk though... last week our friend was doing a very illegal drug in his garage and he made my boyfriend close the garage door. Well, I was scared out of my mind because I don't like being near drugs, and this 30 year old dealer kept touching my leg in my friend's garage. So I was shaking and basically having a panic attack. By the end of the night my boyfriend ended up punching my friend in the face and knocking him over on his turkey frier and collection of expensive hookahs. And last night, our friend offered me a beer, and this happens all the time, so it's nothing new. Anyways, I said no thank you, and my boyfriend got up and started yelling at our friend saying things like "Are you trying to make my girlfriend into a trashy b*tch like the girls you play around with!?" And he just kept going at our friend and eventually shoved him into his pool table and told me we were going and we left. I was so surprised and scared by his outburst, I didn't know what to think.

Now, this kind of behavior is what is starting to scare me. Getting angry and calling me out on things I had no control over at the time, and fighting with our friends.

I have tried time and time again to tell him I worry about his well-being by drinking, and that his behavior is getting scary to me, and each time he tells me: "I won't do it again, I promise."

What should I do? I normally know how to handle this, but this situation, I don't know how to work it out?

Help?
post #2 of 15

Re: Drunk Boyfriend - Your thoughts?

You might want to call his drinking a deal breaker.
He may not hurt you but his behaviour is unpredictable and unacceptable at times.
Unfortunately, a lot of young men go through phases of drinking and drugs.
Most grow out of having the need to party.
He stopped smoking weed because he didn't want to lose his job - tell him he needs to stop drinking or he'll lose you.

He sounds like a pretty good guy, but there are lots of pretty good guys that don't abuse alcohol. Don't accept 80% when he is capable of giving 100%.

Hope I have helped.
post #3 of 15

Re: Drunk Boyfriend - Your thoughts?

Originally Posted by Carolyn View Post
You might want to call his drinking a deal breaker.
He may not hurt you but his behaviour is unpredictable and unacceptable at times.
Unfortunately, a lot of young men go through phases of drinking and drugs.
Most grow out of having the need to party.
He stopped smoking weed because he didn't want to lose his job - tell him he needs to stop drinking or he'll lose you.

He sounds like a pretty good guy, but there are lots of pretty good guys that don't abuse alcohol. Don't accept 80% when he is capable of giving 100%.

Hope I have helped.
I agree. Maybe if you tell him that he'll realize how serious it's the problem and might start to do something about it.
post #4 of 15

Re: Drunk Boyfriend - Your thoughts?

I don't have much advise from you and I know it's not as simple as leaving him. My boyfriend is a stoner and we (me, him, all our friends, are pretty heavy social drinkers) so I know what it's like to be in those types of situations. Maybe you can try calling 1-888-4AlAnon for support- they might have some good advice. Just explain your situation (read it off here if you want) and hopefully they can help you understand the situation better and give you some advice or let you know what to look out for, because they've probably dealt with it all.
post #5 of 15

Re: Drunk Boyfriend - Your thoughts?

I won't do it again, I promise."

sorry i m not much help but i would tel him he promised me and then did it again. and my tolerance ends when he does it again coz it means he care more about the alcohol at that moment than his promise to me which means hes addicted or wtever lins along that.
post #6 of 15
Thread Starter 

Re: Drunk Boyfriend - Your thoughts?

Well, now he's stopped. Lol. It ended up with him actually slapping me (he didn't mean to!) but here. So we were all in our friend's garage. And the same friend who was doing a very illegal drug the other week ended up yelling at my boyfriend who was intoxicated. Actually, they both were. But my boyfriend ended up b*tch slapping him and made him bleed because my boyfriend hit his nose ring. So while my friend was bleeding all over my other friend's garage floor he tried to get up and punch my boyfriend, he missed and my boyfriend went to slap him again. But by this time I was up and tried to push my friend out of the way and he ended up slapping the glasses off my face, scratching my nose and breaking my new $200 glasses. Needless to say while my nose was bleeding also and my glasses broken I kinda freaked out at my boyfriend, screamed at him infront of everyone and stomped off to my car.

So my boyfriend stumbled after me and grabbed me to stop and was just sitting in the grass and crying. He told me he was so sorry and that he never meant to hurt me. I just told him to go into the garage and apologize to my friend and to not touch another drink.

Well he did and we talked about it when he eventually sobered up by 4am. My man doesn't cry for any reason unless he's really hurt by something, so I decided to give him a second chance. I told him I wasn't going to tolerate 5 year old behavior from him again, and that I did realize he was just trying to protect me, but in trying to protect a girl who is very capable of protecting herself, he was losing friends.

So yeah. Hopefully this will stay the same.
post #7 of 15

Re: Drunk Boyfriend - Your thoughts?

My ex was just like that. Just like it! Whew..thank God I left. I'm better off with my current bf.
post #8 of 15

Re: Drunk Boyfriend - Your thoughts?

I wish you luck hun.
post #9 of 15

Re: Drunk Boyfriend - Your thoughts?

sounds like he needs some new friends!
post #10 of 15

Re: Drunk Boyfriend - Your thoughts?

I dont date men that drink anymore
its nothing but grief
post #11 of 15

Re: Drunk Boyfriend - Your thoughts?

Originally Posted by Carolyn View Post
You might want to call his drinking a deal breaker.
He may not hurt you but his behaviour is unpredictable and unacceptable at times.
Unfortunately, a lot of young men go through phases of drinking and drugs.
Most grow out of having the need to party.
He stopped smoking weed because he didn't want to lose his job - tell him he needs to stop drinking or he'll lose you.

He sounds like a pretty good guy, but there are lots of pretty good guys that don't abuse alcohol. Don't accept 80% when he is capable of giving 100%.

Hope I have helped.
ITA.. drinking is a total deal breaker for me, i dont tolerate drunks at all.
post #12 of 15

Re: Drunk Boyfriend - Your thoughts?

Originally Posted by Carolyn View Post
You might want to call his drinking a deal breaker.
He may not hurt you but his behaviour is unpredictable and unacceptable at times.
Unfortunately, a lot of young men go through phases of drinking and drugs.
Most grow out of having the need to party.
He stopped smoking weed because he didn't want to lose his job - tell him he needs to stop drinking or he'll lose you.

He sounds like a pretty good guy, but there are lots of pretty good guys that don't abuse alcohol. Don't accept 80% when he is capable of giving 100%.

Hope I have helped.
Originally Posted by Battygurl View Post
I dont date men that drink anymore
its nothing but grief
I agree...
The guy I was goin out with is a "social drinker". What killed it for me was when I took off for labor day weekend to visit him. I mean we talked on the phone how much we missed each other etc. It was gonna be our weekend. Now, he's still in the area where our college is, so I have many friends there, but I told nobody I was coming, cuz it was our weekend.
The night I arrived, he gets together with his buddies, and they play pool and drink. At first he was a happy drunk, but then He spent part of the night telling some chick how sexy she is, and what he would like to do to her. Then he got violent and tried to beat his "best friend" up and broke the cover for the lights in the kitchen.

The next plan was for them to go out to a bar, but he was too drunk to go. His friends left, while I cleaned him and his bathroom up from him puking...

The next day, he left me at home while he went to the beach with his "friends."

Oh yea, he was a "good guy." Social drinker maybe, but that was the guy I left behind, the one I thought I was in love with...

And now, I'm single again... I know it's hard... I still refer to him as my man sometimes... But I'm gettin over it... Trust me. It's not a road u want to walk.
post #13 of 15

Re: Drunk Boyfriend - Your thoughts?

guys become *******s when they're drunk and so do women. They start off sweet happy drunks and then become violent and abusive.

I think most people of his age drink and it's a phase he's going through, but if you're becoming scared by his behaviour, or don't think he can stop then it should definately be a deal breaker.

It sounds like he really cares about you and it's good to know he's stopped so best of luck with everything in the future
post #14 of 15

Re: Drunk Boyfriend - Your thoughts?

sound slike he might be getting depressed dear.. and drinking makes him feel whole again
post #15 of 15

Re: Drunk Boyfriend - Your thoughts?

I hope things are still going well hon
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