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About Jesskaa

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  • About Me
    I'm 18. I joined this at 18 & haven't been back in awhile.
  • My Interests
    It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.
    - Anonymous
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  1. I think I've had enough of being weak. They've all said, so many mean things and whatever else. I can't say i didn't get teary eyed knowing, that the person i spent the last year of my life with.. said all that about/ to me. But I think i'm realizing, I have really no choice but to plant my feet on the ground and do all that i can for me. I don't want to hear it anymore. I'm not a bad person, I shouldn't feel like one. I wasn't perfect during the breakup, so many people have told me, no girl really is.- but neither was he and he still chooses not to be the bigger person. Only I can do that. It's all starting to feel faded, because I know it's over. And lately, I'm up and down with my emotions. But when I'm happy.. it's finally for a reason other than because of something to do with him. I've realized everything in the last year of my relationship went around him and me. and finally.. it's ALL FOR ME. -everything i do. I love that i went through this, even though it hurts and sucks. I'm so much closer to my mom, my friends, and my family.. I guess I can tell it's made/making me stronger in ways, I really needed before. I think I'm going to join the gym, as someone else mention. I'm picking up hours at work, making plans with my girls for the beach this summer. I'm doing everything I want to do, and letting him and us slip from my mind.
  2. Well. today, i recived a text from his friend the one who beat up his girl (my friend), out of no where, about how i'm a pyscho girl and i'm crazy.. nobody likes me. And I ignored it. Then he forwarded texts from my ex.. basically, saying he was dropping my stuff i gave him back at my house. His family hates me, i need to leave them alone, i need to mind my own business none of them like me. I'm a terrible person, and I'm worthless. ... I ignored it. I recived ANOTHER text from his friend- " you're just a waste of space." I replied. " Seth's (my ex) number is blocked for a reason from my phone. I'm blocking yours too. I don't text his family, i don't speak to his family, and haven't. He said for me to go away, I can't if your blowing up my phone- exactly why i'm blocking you too. I know who and what I am, you're not bringing me down. - and if he wants to drop off the bag of things, that's fine. I'll be the one to throw the shit away, i'm not playing tag with it." .. and the girl who asked me contact me ex, I've decided to not talk to her. She seems like she wants to go back into that group of people. And I told her, I'm 18 now. I've got enough going for me, than to have people like my ex and her ex bringing me down constantly. I told her, I blocked them both. And if that's the crowd of people she wants to hangout with it's a shame because she's a gorgeous girl and deserves better, i'm taking my own advice. Her reply? Okay. Honestly, my ex and his crowd of people do NOTHING with and for there lives. It was always a fight between us, because I've been deciding colleges and becoming a nurse, and what not. He refuses to further any education? That's fine. but he didn't want too cause, none of his "friends" go to college. He's 21. he didn't want to do anything because he wouldn't have any party time. That's who is crowd of people is. I'm all down for a good time, but i'm also happy to be proud of myself too. I guess it still hurts, he's not who i THOUGHT i fell in love with. But I'm keeping on going. All i can do is block him, and them & not play tag with a stupid bag of memories.
  3. He dropped my stuff off, I gave his back. She wouldn't listen. And i honestly, had thought that- he'd go help his friend. His buddy is now in tons of trouble, on his own. I tried to get her to write his number down, to text him herself. but at that point all i could hear was her screaming. I guess it was first reaction. I know her (ex) boyfriend very well and my exboyfriend, is the only slim few to none who can "control" him when he's angry. I've spoken to several people, who said in order for me to get a restraining order around here.. I'd have to be stalking him with proof.. such as showing up to the gym he goes too, or his work, or anything. I haven't seen or spoken to him in a week or maybe even more since we brokeup, really. I have his number blocked on my own phone, i just know it by heart. I also have him blocked on facebook. I do wish i wouldn't have texted him. I regret it. I don't regret giving him his stuff back, "our" stuff back.
  4. I left him a bag of everything (almost) everything he gave me. My jewlry (cause i broke it up) and stuffed animals.. and just things I know i don't want. Mostly presents and cards. I kept a few here and there things. I couldn't throw it away- i just gave it back. I know he found them on his porch last night. But on a new note & this was not even 15 minutes after i drop my bag off- My friend ashley.. dates his friend Aaron. Ash just turned 21 bought her and aaron alcohol. I guess Aaron went crazy drunk and started threating her, she called me crying and he was in her face and they were both drunk- she was scared to call the cops.. and she asked me to contact my ex. I sent him a text from my friends phone.. "It's jess before you delete this, I'm just letting you know- Aarons about to get in lots of trouble him and Ash are both drunk and he's starting to scream and threaten her. Nobody will come pick him up." I ended it there. I could hear this Aaron kid throwing my friend around. And my ex replied "f*** you, i don't fucking jump when someone tells me to to jump." I said "K." Ash told me my ex wasn't coming because she can't tell him what to do. Aaron ending up walking home with a bottle. I'm realzing how much he has changed, because if this were a year ago- My ex would've dropped everything to go get his friend Aaron they've been buddies for 17 years.
  5. I'm doing my best to keep on going and taking every bit of advice i can.
  6. I always wear foundation and my eyebrows, because they're 97% makeup. I do get anxious if i don't have time to complete those things. I also have trich (pulling out my eyelashes) I always want eyeliner & a little mascare on the few lashes i have.
  7. I really hate guys who treat there moms awful. It's the most unattractive thing to me, i just want to end it right than and there.
  8. All you ladies are right, thank you so much. I've realized that if i'm sad let myself be sad, but pick myself right back up again and not to forget.. I'm 18.. there's many more to come and sitting around hurting isn't an option.
  9. I sleep with my dog at night, he loves me and lays beside me. I know i can't and i shouldn't want him back. - i occassionally miss him, and the things we do. But it's all feeling like it's fading. It's been going on a week now, since i've really seen him. when we were "happy". I'm just shocked, happend out of the blue. I'm running to people for support my family and friends.. I've tried to get out as much as possible.. trying to sleep and keep my life going. I know i can't fix it. I miss it. Some parts of me doesn't think i could ever be his friend. I know now isn't the time to even think that. :/ It's just hard..
  10. Thank you, It's just nice to hear I guess.. advice of any kind- makes me realize that people do care & i'm not the only girl whose going through it. I'm doing my hardest- and my best to keep on going.
  11. I used to come on here a lot when I was younger for tons of support. I was just in a relationship, for 7months. We were a "thing"- i mean literally, should've been dating 4 months prior. I spend every night at his house, I spend every weekend all weekend at his house. I did everything, i mean EVERYTHING with him. I'm 18(he was 21)- this is my first love, it feels like. He's the only guy to meet the family, he was my support system. He brokeup with me, and said he fell out of love- he's ready to do his own thing. Basically, i refused to believe it, and told him it just couldn't be. He's called me rude names, he's called me anything you can think of. And told me if i didn't go away- he'd call the cops. I blocked his number and facebook for my own good.. but it's rough. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I'm trying to move on- but it's hard. I cry a lot. Tonights my first night alone at home and I'm scared. I don't wanna cry myself to sleep. I miss him, i miss us. But i know.. it's OVER. How do you handle it?
  12. Yes and No. I'm 18. I don't drive, I'm graduating soon (I don't think i ever believed that would happen) I'm homeschooled. I have a boyfriend, a real first serious boyfriend- and i never imaged myself finding one of those.
  13. I've been searching too. I applied for tons of jobs online tonight though.
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