Are you cut out for the simple life?

I went to visit a friend of mine who migrated to England some years ago.  She is happily married with a two year old girl and another baby is on the way.  She is my age (26) and is a housewife/stay at home mom or whatever you call it and is super happy.  When we were younger, she got her degree, looked forward to an ongoing successful career and was quite 'hip' in terms of dress and makeup and stuff like that....never lude or anything...just pretty stylish.  Typical young woman.

Well she is and has always been Muslim but never really practiced.  While she studied in England she met her very Muslim (Iranian) husband who heavily encouraged her to live the life that she is living now.  She now dresses completely different, is very religious and enjoys being a stay at home mom with her daughter and in-laws.  Makeup and fancy clothes and shoes now mean nothing to her (except for her hijab and muslim wear) and she is not exposed much to the music and movies that we have now (which she is fine with).  She has no worries about maintaining a certain weight or hair colour or hair length or those things as she is quite satisfied with her now very very simple life. Her happiness as she told me is ensuring that her husband and family is happy and ensuring that her children are exposed to only good things in life and for them to know what is important and what is not. She is happy for me with my 'complicated' life, like to get a good job, meet a guy, marry, maintain my weight, fuss about makeup and carnival...lol...bla bla bla and does not discredit it in anyway, because well she was a part of it all once.

Point of all this is, she is sooooo happy without all these things (by choice),...I'm not to sure I can live such a simple life, but then again, if the man of my dreams shows up and shows me a better way...who knows?  Maybe I'd embrace it just as easy as she did.  What about you?  Can you give up all the fancy stuff (well not have them as priority), your job etc etc etc?

First of all, I would never give up my (future) career for anything. My education has cost too much money, time and stress. If I were to give up everything, I would also seem ungrateful to my parents, because they paid for everything, which I´m very thankful for. Plus, whenever I have kids I want to know that I would be able to take care of them financially if anything happened to my husband.

I´m definitely not one to lead a life like your friend´s. I wouldn´t be happy living like this because it´s quite the contrast to the plans I have for my life. I know this is going to sound offensive, but this kind of life would be MY biggest nightmare.

In the case of your friend, you said her husband "heavily encouraged" this new lifestyle (I guess this can be something positive or negative)....that alone would worry me a bit if this girl was my friend. Changing your life drastically like that (and this is obviously not just due to the fact that she has a kid) almost seems like you´re giving up a part of your personality that you might miss later on in life.

Well firstly, everyone was concerned in the beginning.  Mainly because she began wearing a hijab and stuff like that and her parents were scared for the prejudice she would suffer (lets face it, Muslims DO suffer alot of prejudice) and it was discussed with her by many.  She however, had made up her mind on the path she would take.  I know it's something me myself could not do so easily, but for her it seemed soooooo easy and natural..now she seems very happy, if not happy I would say very content with her life....which is something I myself wish I had sometimes.

Each their own, but giving up my carriere will never happen. I enjoy my economic independecy. 

No I would be to worried if my husband lost his job and then what? welfare? I rather work and know that I could contribute.

To each their own, if she's at least content with her life, then good for her, not so many can say the same about their life. Simple doesn't mean bad.

However, i wouldn't give up my economic independance or my career. I have worked too hard to give that up for a man, and i'm too much in love with my independance in general, i want to able to contribute financially to the needs of my family. Like Andrea said, i also want to know i'll be able to care financially for my children should i face this situation.

I've had this convo with friends and I don't understand this:

Why's everybody saying she gave it all up for a MAN? "Economic independence" is not the be all and end all to life. I know that that's the feminist mantra, but for some of us, it's ok to have studied, had the career and now CHOOSE to be on the front lines at home taking care of our families. I honestly think it's quite insulting when ppl say that you gave up your financial independence for "a man." What about my children? Why couldn't it be that I CHOSE to stay at home, CHOSE to be their caregiver and teacher, CHOSE to trust in God that me and my man and our children will be ok? Why's free choice always recognised for those who work outside the home but never a liberty for those of us who are at home?

I think your friend is VERY corageous. To put God at the center of your world, allow your man to be the head of your family, and be the nurturer, rather than chase the pretty and money, I applaud and admire her for that.

That's really insightful, Reese.

Originally Posted by lolaB /img/forum/go_quote.gif

That's really insightful, Reese.

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Yep.

It sounds like your friend's priorities have changed. Nothing wrong with that. Before kids I had dreams for various careers, but now that has changed. I don't want those careers anymore. I want a job that pays well, but still allows me to have a life. I don't think I have compromised myself. Different things are important to me now. My family is my life. My (future) job will always be just a job.

Of course.  I can tell how happy she is.  As I said before, sometimes I wish I could be so content with my life.

It may sound simple, but for me being content with my life is just choice. I choose not to focus on what I don't have. When I am in a bad mood, I decide to do something that will make me feel better or take my mind off of what is bothering me. It may not work for everyone, but I am pretty content with my life even though I may not have all of the material things I would like to have. I will say I am much more content now than I was in my early twenties.

Originally Posted by reesesilverstar /img/forum/go_quote.gif

I've had this convo with friends and I don't understand this:

Why's everybody saying she gave it all up for a MAN? "Economic independence" is not the be all and end all to life. I know that that's the feminist mantra, but for some of us, it's ok to have studied, had the career and now CHOOSE to be on the front lines at home taking care of our families. I honestly think it's quite insulting when ppl say that you gave up your financial independence for "a man." What about my children? Why couldn't it be that I CHOSE to stay at home, CHOSE to be their caregiver and teacher, CHOSE to trust in God that me and my man and our children will be ok? Why's free choice always recognised for those who work outside the home but never a liberty for those of us who are at home?

I think your friend is VERY corageous. To put God at the center of your world, allow your man to be the head of your family, and be the nurturer, rather than chase the pretty and money, I applaud and admire her for that.

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Well said.  Thank you, Reese.  Why can't people chose these things for their lives rather than being viewed as having other things stolen from them?  I also applaud the man that is wanting to be the provider of his family rather than just being some sperm donor.

I agree with Reese. I gave up my career when I had my children (twins) I was not forced, it was a choice that I made. I wanted to be the one to care for them not a nanny or day care. My kids are in 3rd grade and I still am a stay at home mother/wife by choice. I like to be here for my kids when they get home, I do not feel I am giving up anything by not having a career any longer. I think it is great if people choose to work when they have kids, but that does not mean that we all choose that path. I wanted to add, that I was able to take care of my mother in her home home rather than putting her in a nursing home after my dad passed away. She just passed away herself a few months back (she was only 58 early onset alzheimers) had I been working, I would not have been able to do this. I am so thankful for that time I was able to care for her. 
 

Originally Posted by reesesilverstar /img/forum/go_quote.gif

I've had this convo with friends and I don't understand this:

Why's everybody saying she gave it all up for a MAN? "Economic independence" is not the be all and end all to life. I know that that's the feminist mantra, but for some of us, it's ok to have studied, had the career and now CHOOSE to be on the front lines at home taking care of our families. I honestly think it's quite insulting when ppl say that you gave up your financial independence for "a man." What about my children? Why couldn't it be that I CHOSE to stay at home, CHOSE to be their caregiver and teacher, CHOSE to trust in God that me and my man and our children will be ok? Why's free choice always recognised for those who work outside the home but never a liberty for those of us who are at home?

I think your friend is VERY corageous. To put God at the center of your world, allow your man to be the head of your family, and be the nurturer, rather than chase the pretty and money, I applaud and admire her for that.

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Originally Posted by reesesilverstar /img/forum/go_quote.gif

I've had this convo with friends and I don't understand this:

Why's everybody saying she gave it all up for a MAN? "Economic independence" is not the be all and end all to life. I know that that's the feminist mantra, but for some of us, it's ok to have studied, had the career and now CHOOSE to be on the front lines at home taking care of our families. I honestly think it's quite insulting when ppl say that you gave up your financial independence for "a man." What about my children? Why couldn't it be that I CHOSE to stay at home, CHOSE to be their caregiver and teacher, CHOSE to trust in God that me and my man and our children will be ok? Why's free choice always recognised for those who work outside the home but never a liberty for those of us who are at home?

I think your friend is VERY corageous. To put God at the center of your world, allow your man to be the head of your family, and be the nurturer, rather than chase the pretty and money, I applaud and admire her for that.

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AMEN! There's something very commendable about a woman like this.

To answer the question in the subject line, no I'm not. I would personally be miserable with that kind of life, but everyone is different. I respect how that woman chooses to live her life.

I don't know if I could do this myself.  I don't think I can give up dying my hair. 

No, but for those that can, and are happy doing so, it is a luxury.

I am way too much a control freak to allow someone else to be a breadwinner.  I want as many consequences as possible(for myself and others) DIRECTLY related to my own actions, not that of a SO or child.  I don't think I could let someone being delegated for my financial well being.  Plus, I've made more money than anyone I've dated thus far.

I know that it sounds selfish, paranoid and insecure, but I've personally seen terrible things in my life that honestly make me think I will never be able to let anyone in emotionally like that.

No I don't think I would want the simple life.

When I was younger, I dreamed about how I would have a well-paying successful career. 

Now my dreams have changed.  I dream about what it will be like to marry my boyfriend and start our family. I don't think I could be a permanent stay at home mom, but I pray we are financially able to for the first year or two.  I would love to get my teaching degree, teach for a couple of years, have kids, and while I'm taking my "break" from working to go obtain my master's. 

Sometimes you meet people (a friend, a significant other) and they can dramatically change your life.

How can a woman let her self be financial dependent on a man in our part of the world, is actually my question here.