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DreamWarrior

The Dog Chow Diet and Army Retired

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Yesterday I was at my local SAM'S CLUB buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, and was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

 

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have  little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,  because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes  coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

 

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that  it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat  one or two every time you feel hungry.

 

The food is nutritionally complete so  it works well and I was going to try it again.. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my  story.)

 

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the  dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an  Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

 

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was  laughing so hard.

 

 

 

 

 

Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

Better watch what you ask retired people! They have all the time in the  world to think of crazy things to say.

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