The Dog Chow Diet and Army Retired

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Joined
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[SIZE=medium]Yesterday I was at my local SAM'S CLUB buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, and was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=medium]What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have  little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,  because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes  coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=medium]I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that  it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat  one or two every time you feel hungry. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=medium]The food is nutritionally complete so  it works well and I was going to try it again.. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my  story.) [/SIZE]

[SIZE=medium]Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the  dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an  Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=medium]I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was  laughing so hard.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=medium]Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=medium]Better watch what you ask retired people! They have all the time in the  world to think of crazy things to say. [/SIZE]

 
Hahaha I literally laughed out loud.  That would be hilarious to tell someone you were on a purina diet

 

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