Most important things to you in a partner

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warmonk

warmonk

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I know people vary in what they think is important and why but if you could only pick five things out of the following list of things, what five things do you think is most important in a partner?

list them in the order from first to last and say why you think your list is important. remember only five things are guaranteed and the rest is just what you would pick if you could.

Its suppose to say a lot about you, depending on what you pick, because there are so many important ones and obviously you want a partner, or have one that has all of them to some degree, but look at them in the sense that what you pick indicates something you feel you want more than another because you might crave it subconsciously.

A wealthy person usually doesn't care about wealth so much because they don't lack it, or have bad experience with it.

It probably doesn't mean anything but it can still be fun to try.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (example)

1.Appearance -because it helps to have something pretty to look at when you argue

2.Humor   - Life is short and there is already too much seriousness in the world                    

3.Wealth    - Blah, blah, blah                   

4.Religion                     

5.Fidelity/commitment/ no wandering eye

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------This is the list of 27

Fidelity/commitment

Religion

wealth

humor

appearance

Ethnicity                   

Propriety                   

Ambition/goals         

Life experience/ know how         

Affability/kind         

Self-esteem               

Adventurous/ risk taker             

Loyal /self-sacrificing/protective

Intelligence

Hygiene

Health

Sex drive /skill

Does or doesn't already have off spring

Political views

Dependability/responsible

Education

Age

Reputation

Affectionate/ romantic

No bad or crazy family and friends

Interests/ hobbies  

Past relationship history

 
1) Honesty - which wasn't mentioned 2) Loyalty/fidelity - which ties into #1 3) Responsibility - not only to myself, but to society as well, which ties in to kindness 4) Being affectionate 5) No affiliation to any organized religion - fortunately my husband dropped the one he was born into, but I knew he would from the beginning because he is far too logical and intelligent to just go along with what has been spoon-fed to him, which ties into him being educated Lists like this are kind of pointless because so many of the things mentioned are related to each other. I got smart after my first marriage from hell, which taught me exactly what I DON'T want in a relationship. Which allowed me to see my current husband with open eyes, to really look at the kind of human being he is, when I met him. He is also very good looking, but so was the pig I was married to before. When it comes down to it, looks mean nothing if the person is rotten on the inside.

 
1) Sense of humor

2) Allows me my freedom

3) Honesty

4) Understanding

5) Adventurous

 
not gonna lie appearance is number 1 at first but the things that keep me around are sense of humor honesty intelligence sweetness/kindness

 
I'm already married, but this is what I was looking for I guess.

1) Either shared or was accepting of my religious beliefs
2) Honest
3) Educated- At least a bachelor's degree. I'm going for my PhD, I didn't want to deal with the education gap.
4) Maturity- I refused to marry a kid. There are so many guys that stay immature, ugh.
5) Similar interests

 
I'm married,this is my second marriage, and I learned so much from being married to a totally emotionally unavailable and emotionally abusive person. A few traits that my husband who I'm married to now, who is amazing, had and were a must for me are/were:

1) Religion/Spirituality - he accepted that it was important in my life

2) Loves to be active

3) Completely vulnerable to me (puts his heart on the line) and doesn't hold back

4)Honest

5) funny/fun, up for anything

6) Helpful, doesnt just sit on the couch all the time

I could go on and on but those are the basics.

 
people who suck at relationships usually learn a lot from the ones they had, so that the next one has qualities that they find they value more.  Its funny but I think when you are dating people you are really just learning more about yourself. lol

 
You are right,

Honesty was one of them in the original list now that I think about it.

It also had culture and nationality and domestic skills like cooking. Most of the items are very similar. I never had a problem with honesty so I never felt it was something important for me to have. the point of the list was to reflect on the person creating the perfect soul mate and indicating what signs they might have revealing past expiereance or struggles. In truth I never understood how psychology is what they say they are. kinda like dreams and what they mean. Like they know right? lol  

 
Originally Posted by satojoko /img/forum/go_quote.gif

1) Honesty - which wasn't mentioned
2) Loyalty/fidelity - which ties into #1
3) Responsibility - not only to myself, but to society as well, which ties in to kindness
4) Being affectionate
5) No affiliation to any organized religion - fortunately my husband dropped the one he was born into, but I knew he would from the beginning because he is far too logical and intelligent to just go along with what has been spoon-fed to him, which ties into him being educated
Lists like this are kind of pointless because so many of the things mentioned are related to each other. I got smart after my first marriage from hell, which taught me exactly what I DON'T want in a relationship. Which allowed me to see my current husband with open eyes, to really look at the kind of human being he is, when I met him. He is also very good looking, but so was the pig I was married to before. When it comes down to it, looks mean nothing if the person is rotten on the inside.
Click to expand...

And I guess religion is a biggie with you. A lot of people seem to not care what faith a person subscribes to so long as they possess certain virtues. I find that religion tends to encompass many like minded attitudes if one truly practices it, so that if a person is of the same faith than there shouldn't be too many disagreements regarding views of morality and politics. But than again those who just preach and don't practice can really cause you to be in for a surprise.

Being affectionate is amazing and its great to have someone that reminds you how much they are into you by the way they express it. It could be the gentle way the rub your back, or the nibbles on the ear or plays with your hair. My wife likes to trace my face with her finger tip while I sleep. I feel like a lion cub lol

So for you a person who often has good looking men you don't value looks so much, but have you ever been with a guy who was not attractive to you? a person you were with because you liked who they were as a person so much that it excused the lack of beauty?
 

 
Originally Posted by Hezzie /img/forum/go_quote.gif

I'm married,this is my second marriage, and I learned so much from being married to a totally emotionally unavailable and emotionally abusive person. A few traits that my husband who I'm married to now, who is amazing, had and were a must for me are/were:

1) Religion/Spirituality - he accepted that it was important in my life

2) Loves to be active

3) Completely vulnerable to me (puts his heart on the line) and doesn't hold back

4)Honest

5) funny/fun, up for anything

6) Helpful, doesnt just sit on the couch all the time

I could go on and on but those are the basics.
Click to expand...
wow, your guy looks like what you described. Nice catch!!

One definition of Religeon, is one's belief of reality. It shapes what perspective you view the world and euips you with a foundation of morality. If He is accepting of your devotion and investment in this, I think that says a lot.

being active is without a doubt, seperates the dull life from an exciting one. Sometimes the people we are with encourage us to make memories by getting us up and out the door.

it is great to have someone who is Open. because sometimes you can be with someone and still feel alone. being open is one thats good nut not on the list, so is helpful.

humor is priceless, some people have it, others understand it, and then theres the other crowd......  

 
Originally Posted by SarahNerd /img/forum/go_quote.gif

1) Sense of humor

2) Allows me my freedom

3) Honesty

4) Understanding

5) Adventurous
Click to expand...

 Freedom, Nice

Thats the best of both worlds if you get to keep your old and combine with the new. Says a lot about your man not being a controlling person. A person who allows you freedom is secure and knows you love them and won't leave them because you find something else out there that is interesting. what is Typical of a person who is insecure is that they need you to stay locked down in order to prevent you from finding interest and fun in ways other than them.

 
Originally Posted by Bonnie Krupa /img/forum/go_quote.gif

not gonna lie appearance is number 1 at first but the things that keep me around are sense of humor honesty intelligence sweetness/kindness
Click to expand...

 well this is a makeup site, I would imagine people who have interest in make up are concerned about beauty. Appearance is great so long as you think its great. Its fun how beauty is not universal though. you have some things all people agree is more attractive on a base scale but ones particular preference vary greatly.

humor, honesty intelligence, sweetness kindness.......wow that does sound like a great guy.

Its funny no one here mentioned wealth

 
Originally Posted by janetgriselle /img/forum/go_quote.gif

I'm already married, but this is what I was looking for I guess.

1) Either shared or was accepting of my religious beliefs

2) Honest

3) Educated- At least a bachelor's degree. I'm going for my PhD, I didn't want to deal with the education gap.

4) Maturity- I refused to marry a kid. There are so many guys that stay immature, ugh.

5) Similar interests
Click to expand...
PHD wow!

I bet you would never be a dull conversation.

Maturity is a great virtue, but I wouldn't want to be so serious all the time. sometimes its fun to play young. I do the work and worry, protect and provide gig at the home but I love when my wife gets into the kung fu tickle matches with me. I win most of the time but she's getting better lol

 
People kept adding to the list so I added more and tried to define the use of the term to encompass more meaning. eh, like mentioned before its probably pointless but, It was interesting to see so much variation in what people value and was kinda fun for me to try and sacrifice somethings for others.

so here ya go

[SIZE=14pt]  Appearance   =overall attractiveness, they look good to you and others  [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt] Humor = they are funny and they think you are funny [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]    Wealth = good credit, property, house, cars, boat, cash  [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Religion= secular or theistic, same or accepting  [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]  Fidelity= their commitment, no cheating no flirting, no wandering eye [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt] Ethnicity= same as you or different, white, black, yellow, brown, red [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Propriety=  polite manners, not burping farting, swearing, [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]                      scratching, peeing, passing out on floor from drinking  [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]  Ambition/goals = wanting marriage, travel, family, career, success, save world [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Life experience=   travelled, performed, different careers, past life [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Affability=             kind, , caring, sensitive, communicates, understanding         [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt] Self-esteem=       independent, secure, allows freedom for partner[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt] Adventurous/=     risk taker, spontaneous, alive, willing, daring, fun[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Loyal =             self-sacrificing of time and resource, protective, defends you.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Intelligence=      smart, quick witted, perceptive, sensible, comprehensive,     logical [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Hygiene=            clean, nails, great breath, clean clothes, bathes multiple times a day,           great  smelling body, hair, trimmed, polished, from head to toe always[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Honesty= never lie, not secretive, open, direct.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Health=   works out constantly, very fit, no smoking, drinking, drugs, junk food, stds, missing    organs or body parts.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Sex drive /skill=  similar to what you want, more or less. Willing and wanting to do whatever you want.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]off spring=         Does or doesn't already have kids[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Political views=     same political views as you, same knowledge or interest[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Dependability=     responsible, helpful, punctual, keeps secrets, trust worthy, keeps promises, makes good on deals[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Education=     how far they went, more than ged [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Age=      not 20 or 30 years older[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Reputation =       always hearing gossip and rumors about their past or conduct.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Affectionate=        romantic, touching caressing, holding hands, flirting, playing.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Sane friends and family=        No bad or crazy family and friends[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Interests/ hobbies=      fishing, art, cooking, sports, reading, music[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Past relationship history=      divorced 7 times, 1000 ex partners or 0 [/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Culture=        small town, big city, east coast, country bible bet, west coast,[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt] Nationality. What country they are from, France, china, Africa, India USA[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Domestic skills, cooking, cleaning[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14pt]Physical endowments= size matters sort of thing, less for appearance more for feel.[/SIZE]

 
Yes, I have had short & long term relationships with men who are not good looking at all. At least not in my eyes. But their honesty, kindness, loyalty, etc were more important. The pig I was with was considered very good looking by 99% of women I met, but that turned me off him for a long time. Being that he was from a very different culture and was used to getting his way using his looks, the fact that I wasn't interested in him made him pursue me even more, using manipulation when he discovered what I was really looking for in a guy. He spent many many months playing his game because I was a 'challenge' to him. His words. Unfortunately for me, his personality did a 360 after we were married and I was stuck with him being viewed as his 'property' in his country. Took a long struggle to get a divorce before he wound up killing me. My current husband I got to know over the Internet during months of chatting, emailing and phone calls before I ever saw him, so when we met his looks were not even an issue. He was still the same person I got to know online, and to this day - nearly 8 years after we first met - treats me as the most important person in his life. He has often said he has dedicated his life to me first, and it's not just empty words. He really does, and always has, in every possible way. And yes, organized religion is an absolute no-go zone for me. I won't even consider being with somebody who participates in organized religion. I refuse to get near it after seeing and experiencing the harm it does first hand. Spirituality is 100% different than religion, and both my husband and I are spiritual. Although he often calls himself an atheist just to make religious people nuts :) Yes, I love his sense of humor, AND his ability to make people squirm while having philosophical/theoretical discussions with them as well LOL

 
I agree. I would hate to be serious all the time. My hubby is a big kid but he knows when to be serious. And he is very responsible and takes care of me. I couldn't imagine him being serious all the time, he would hate me and we wouldnt be together lol
 

Originally Posted by warmonk /img/forum/go_quote.gif

wow, your guy looks like what you described. Nice catch!!

One definition of Religeon, is one's belief of reality. It shapes what perspective you view the world and euips you with a foundation of morality. If He is accepting of your devotion and investment in this, I think that says a lot.

being active is without a doubt, seperates the dull life from an exciting one. Sometimes the people we are with encourage us to make memories by getting us up and out the door.

it is great to have someone who is Open. because sometimes you can be with someone and still feel alone. being open is one thats good nut not on the list, so is helpful.

humor is priceless, some people have it, others understand it, and then theres the other crowd......  
 
Click to expand...




Originally Posted by warmonk /img/forum/go_quote.gif

PHD wow!

I bet you would never be a dull conversation.

Maturity is a great virtue, but I wouldn't want to be so serious all the time. sometimes its fun to play young. I do the work and worry, protect and provide gig at the home but I love when my wife gets into the kung fu tickle matches with me. I win most of the time but she's getting better lol
 
Click to expand...


 
I had a similar experience, my first husband totally changed after we got married. Like literally I woke up with a stranger. I too met my 2nd husband on the internet. Neither of us was looking so there was no relationship pressure and we chatted for 9 months b4 we even met. I got to know him better in those 9 months than I knew my 1st husband in 10 years. That has a lot to do with my hubby being very open and honest with me about who he is and not being afraid to show me how he feels.
 

Originally Posted by satojoko /img/forum/go_quote.gif

Yes, I have had short & long term relationships with men who are not good looking at all. At least not in my eyes. But their honesty, kindness, loyalty, etc were more important. The pig I was with was considered very good looking by 99% of women I met, but that turned me off him for a long time. Being that he was from a very different culture and was used to getting his way using his looks, the fact that I wasn't interested in him made him pursue me even more, using manipulation when he discovered what I was really looking for in a guy. He spent many many months playing his game because I was a 'challenge' to him. His words. Unfortunately for me, his personality did a 360 after we were married and I was stuck with him being viewed as his 'property' in his country. Took a long struggle to get a divorce before he wound up killing me. My current husband I got to know over the Internet during months of chatting, emailing and phone calls before I ever saw him, so when we met his looks were not even an issue. He was still the same person I got to know online, and to this day - nearly 8 years after we first met - treats me as the most important person in his life. He has often said he has dedicated his life to me first, and it's not just empty words. He really does, and always has, in every possible way.
And yes, organized religion is an absolute no-go zone for me. I won't even consider being with somebody who participates in organized religion. I refuse to get near it after seeing and experiencing the harm it does first hand. Spirituality is 100% different than religion, and both my husband and I are spiritual. Although he often calls himself an atheist just to make religious people nuts :) Yes, I love his sense of humor, AND his ability to make people squirm while having philosophical/theoretical discussions with them as well LOL
Click to expand...


 
Originally Posted by warmonk /img/forum/go_quote.gif





Its funny no one here mentioned wealth
Click to expand...

wealth has NEVER mattered to me 1 way or the other.  I actually tend to go for the less wealthy lol.

 

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