Need advice...

Okay so, let me start my telling you all that I'm a hopeless romantic.. I love romance, I believe we all have a person we are meant to be with (I believe you can love more than one, but there's that one person who will mean so much more to you than anyone else ever has or will), and I believe in soulmates, and all that... I moved abroad just to be with my boyfriend. I said no to one of the best universities in Sweden, because I love him and wanted to be with him.

So today I found an old card from my boyfriend's ex and I got a little upset why he hadn't thrown it away already... and he got a bit pissed because he feels like i don't trust him. So I told my boyfriend that I get a bit "extreme" with such things because he's my one TRUE love, that I feel like we're meant to be together and that I haven't felt that before with anyone else. I don't want to think about him having loved others, etc.

What did he reply? - "I don't believe there's one person you're supposed to be with". 

Guess how that made me feel? I feel so stupid for having moved here now. I gave up my whole life for a guy who doesn't think we're meant to be. I don't want to leave, but I feel like I did the wrong thing by prioritising our relationship..

What should I do? 

Nobody can really tell you "what to do," it's your choice, but I have some opinions.

-You shouldn't make decisions based on other people, it has to be based on you. I'm learning that the hard way now. You may always regret that you turned down one of the best universities in Sweden. If being with him isn't worth passing that up, you should reapply.

-Just because he doesn't believe in soulmates doesn't mean he's not dedicated to you. I don't believe in soulmates either, and I still made the commitment to marry my husband. What I can say though, is when my husband says things like that, I'll never preface it with "i don't believe in soulmates." When we were engaged, I'd say stuff like "I can't wait to spend forever with you," things that don't necessarily imply that he's my soulmate, but do imply that I am dedicated to making the relationship work and that it means something to me. If he's not excited about being with you, that relationship may need some rethinking.

Thank you for the reply. I know it's all up to me what to do... I suppose we're just a very passionate couple, I know he says things he doesn't mean when he's mad, and I exaggerate a lot. 90% of the time everything's perfect, but then we have those moments when everything "explodes", I get sad, he gets pissed...  Yesterday things were perfect, I was super happy, but today... I never thought I would get that as a reply when I told him how freakin' much I love him. That's what hurt.

People always told me not to move here because I should think about myself and my future... but I always pictured my future together with him. That's the kind of future I wanted. I knooow he loves me, more than anyone, but every girl deserves to feel special. It doesn't matter if he tells me "I love you", when other times he says things that make me feel like one of many.. 

I suppose I'll have to think about it. We will talk it out tonight, and then we'll see what happens..

I'm not sure how you are confusing "a guy who doesn't think we're meant to be" with "a guy who doesn't believe there's one person you're supposed to be with."

No one loves romance more than me - I'm in my later 40s, divorced and have had a handfull of boyfriends.

When I was 21 I believed that I was only destined for one - and vise versa. Now I know that it is/was perfectly fine that I had many loves. Not everyone was perfect, but most were fairly perfect for me.

If you are this upset over a card your found (curious how you found it as I'm sure he hadn't left it out for you to find) then perhaps you need to find time for yourself and have a more realistic expectation of what love is and is not.

One question you need to ask yourself is:

Would you have prefered that he lied to you and said that he could never love anyone but you?

.....................................................................

My son is grappling with going to a different university than what he wants - just so he can be closer to his high school sweetheart of 2+ years.

I have told him that if their love is truly meant to be, they should go to the schools they want, and they will find ways to seeing each other, until they both finish university.

If they are soulmates, they would never want the other to compromise each others education and future opportunities, just so they can hang out together.               

Ultimately what anyone would prefer is that they say that they would never love another and mean it but most times, that's not reality.  

What is important is that you don't sacrifice who you are and what your future may have been if you were allowed to grow as a person.  You don't want to sacrifice everything and later be left with nothing.  Like Dragonfly says, its better to sacrifice somethings together now and reap the rewards of a secure life in the future.  Most relationships dissolve over money - lack of.  Men come and go ... you are with you always so invest in it. 

Quote:  Originally Posted by Dragonfly



One question you need to ask yourself is:

Would you have prefered that he lied to you and said that he could never love anyone but you?

.....................................................................

My son is grappling with going to a different university than what he wants - just so he can be closer to his high school sweetheart of 2+ years.

I have told him that if their love is truly meant to be, they should go to the schools they want, and they will find ways to seeing each other, until they both finish university.

If they are soulmates, they would never want the other to compromise each others education and future opportunities, just so they can hang out together.               

I know I know... but it turned out most of the argument was just a big misunderstanding.. So everything actually fine now!!

Sorry but, can someone delete this thread? I wrote it while I was upset..  but since things are good now, there's no need to have this here. Thanks for your replies, though!