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How to drop a hint to my boyfriend that he should propose?

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It's not like he doesn't want to propose and I'm forcing him to, but he has said many times that he would "engage me", as he calls it, in a heartbeat but he knows I keep our relationship pretty personal and that I would try to keep it a secret from my parents. I guess it hurts his feelings that I wouldn't just come out and tell them. I also don't say I love you to him in front of my parents. I'm just not a very openly affectionate person toward anyone except him, and I think it hurts his feelings. So how can I drop the hint that I WANT him to propose to me?

 

We have been dating for 5 years, by the way, if that matters. So it isn't like we are going into it too fast or it scares him or anything.

 

Thanks in advance, and God bless you! ( :

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Why would you keep an engagement a secret from your parents?

Maybe the fact that he knows that's what you'd do is what is keeping him from wanting to propose to you.

I'm not overly into PDA, but I know that my fiance needs me to show him that I care about and love him. Showing some sort of affection in public (I'm not talking a full on grope fest, but holding his hand or giving him a kiss on the check) I think reassures him that my feelings are only for him. Being comfortable around one another's family is another way I make sure that he knows I'm serious about us. Our parents all knew where our relationship was headed and that we were serious about each other before we got engaged. 

I guess what I'm getting at is that guys are people too (obviously) and they have the same emotional needs as girls. If he feels like you're hiding him, your relationship, or your feelings for him once you step out of the house with him or when you're around other people, why would he want to take the next step and make a huge declaration of his affections and feelings, especially if you'll hide your engagement? 

 

Sorry if this sounded harsh in anyway, I'm only going on the information you gave and I obviously don't know anything about your relationship. This is the same response I would have given to any of my close girlfriends if they told me the exact same thing. 

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Is there a reason you hide it from your parents? Maybe he wants your parents to know about your relationship before he proposes. I always ask my bf when will he propose lol but maybe you should tell him that you want to take the next step in your relationship! I wish my bf would propose too we have been together for 4 years but he says he wants to wait, if it were up to me id already be married :)

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Why do you need to drop a hint that you want him to propose? Why can't you just tell him that you want him to propose to you?

 

If I were you though, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way, I'd try to figure out why you want to keep your relationship so private. Affection is not something that should be hidden.

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Why do you need to drop a hint that you want him to propose? Why can't you just tell him that you want him to propose to you? If I were you though, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way, I'd try to figure out why you want to keep your relationship so private. Affection is not something that should be hidden.
exactly what I was going you write : ) I dont drop hints I let my needs be known. it's taken me many years to be able to communicate openly like this and alot of work but its.wonderful
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Thanks. Well, I was checking this yesterday and he noticed I was trying to keep the computer screen angled so he couldn't see it, so he pulled the computer away from me and read this! So embarrassing! But now I don't have to drop hints at least. He knows exactly what I want! Lol.

 

I am definitely going to try to be more open with my parents about our relationship. I am open with it toward everyone else, just my parents. I'm not sure why, but I've always been that way with them. Hopefully I can make him feel confident that I love him and I'm not trying to "hide" him because I'm not.

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Y'all have definitely been together a long time, no doubt, but you also seem young (hopefully this isn't creepy i just noticed your profile said you're a freshman in college). My unsolicited advice, even if you got engaged within the next year or so would be to wait a few more years to get married. I hated hearing that when I was in undergrad. But my boyfriend and I dated pretty much all through undergrad + this first year of law school I am about to finish before he propsed. Looking back on the last three years,  and everything we went through, we have both changed A LOT (in good ways). Basically my point is everyone goes through changes/growing up in undergrad, some for better and some for worse. And right now it seems like you need to work on communication with him and your parents before marriage comes.

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I think that before he proposes you need to figure out why you would keep this from your parents and why you keep your relationship so personal. Like the previous post says, you need to communicate with your family and him better and be more open. He might be refraining from proposing because the relationship is kept so quiet.

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This is very true. People change a lot. If we were to get engaged, we would wait to get married for several years until I finish school and we can afford to live comfortably.

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I have known my fiancé since I was 13, we have always had a thing and had dated before, but this time when we were dating he proposed to me! We are both 21, he will be 22 in a month, and he is finished school this year, and I am finished school next year, so the wedding won't be until after I am finished, but regardless I am so excited!! Sometimes engagements happen fast or slow but all that matters is that you both love each other!

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I had a boyfriend (now husband) who kept his relationship with me a secret from his parents/family at first. Out right lied to his mother's face when she asked who I was (I was there by the way). He told her that I was a friend. I cannot tell you how much this hurt me at the time. I wonder if that maybe isn't the issue. I understand some families aren't very open about feelings so I out right told him that I didn't want to be part of a family that was like that and when I had my own kids I wanted them to be open with me. Once we had this discussion he agreed he didn't want it to be like that and I think it helped him to realize he needed to start being open and making those connections. To be honest (not to toot my own horn) I think I really helped his family learn how to open up and be a little more loving because since I first met them it has been a complete 180.

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Also we started dating when I was 17, got engaged at 19 married at 20 and had a child at 21 and a child at 23 (I turn 24 in a few months). I have changed and so has he, but we have grown together. I don't ever regret my decision and anytime comments about being so young I just shrug it off. Just know being engaged and marriage is a whole different ball game. It completely changes your relationship and it isn't easy at times and there more than likely will be times when you are like "WOW what am I doing?". 

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@ashleygo I got married at 19 as well and do not regret it. No kids here yet though (after 7 years) althoug everyone thought we are getting married so I must be pregnant. It is true, you both still do change and you just have to grow together.

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I was engaged to my current boyfriend when I was 17. It never worked out because we were too young. Now, at 33 we are back together and he has plans of proposing later this year. I wouldn't rush into it if you feel the need to be overly discreet because if it's meant to be, it will happen.

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I'm in a similar boat. My boyfriend and I have been together a year. We have discussed marriage. He told me that if we were in a better place financially, he would propose by or for our anniversary. I'm kind of feeling a bit low lately because of it. We both got better jobs so we are financially in a better place. We passed the anniversary. Yet, now I feel like he doesn't even want me. We also live together. I feel like I should just give it up. My last relationship lasted 5 years and I thought he would propose but it was always a different excuse every time I brought it up. Idk. I feel like I should give up on relationships. I know it sounds petty, but I don't want to waste my time in a relationship if they don't plan to marry me or keep their word.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by arcticXeyes View Post
 

I'm in a similar boat. My boyfriend and I have been together a year. We have discussed marriage. He told me that if we were in a better place financially, he would propose by or for our anniversary. I'm kind of feeling a bit low lately because of it. We both got better jobs so we are financially in a better place. We passed the anniversary. Yet, now I feel like he doesn't even want me. We also live together. I feel like I should just give it up. My last relationship lasted 5 years and I thought he would propose but it was always a different excuse every time I brought it up. Idk. I feel like I should give up on relationships. I know it sounds petty, but I don't want to waste my time in a relationship if they don't plan to marry me or keep their word.

I know it feels meaningless to be in a relationship that you don't feel like is going to be a "long term" relationship and the pressure gets higher the longer time goes on. But, a year is really nothing in the grand scheme of things, and might not be worth it to rush the marriage. I think I'm probably saying this because my relationship is going on 4 years (will be 5 years when my wedding actually happens). Seeing firsthand how much of a commitment a wedding is both financially and emotionally has taught me that it should not be taken lightly.

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I'm in a similar boat. My boyfriend and I have been together a year. We have discussed marriage. He told me that if we were in a better place financially, he would propose by or for our anniversary. I'm kind of feeling a bit low lately because of it. We both got better jobs so we are financially in a better place. We passed the anniversary. Yet, now I feel like he doesn't even want me. We also live together. I feel like I should just give it up. My last relationship lasted 5 years and I thought he would propose but it was always a different excuse every time I brought it up. Idk. I feel like I should give up on relationships. I know it sounds petty, but I don't want to waste my time in a relationship if they don't plan to marry me or keep their word.

 

I know it feels meaningless to be in a relationship that you don't feel like is going to be a "long term" relationship and the pressure gets higher the longer time goes on. But, a year is really nothing in the grand scheme of things, and might not be worth it to rush the marriage. I think I'm probably saying this because my relationship is going on 4 years (will be 5 years when my wedding actually happens). Seeing firsthand how much of a commitment a wedding is both financially and emotionally has taught me that it should not be taken lightly.

 

Yes, one year is nothing. I think when I was younger I wanted to get married young, and was swept away by the romanticism of it. But I'm 25 now, I'll be dating my boyfriend for 5 years as of September this year, and we've definitely committed to each other, but even after 5 years we're not ready for marriage. We don't have the finances to do so, and I think we still think of ourselves as too young. We've lived together and we can tell we'd be a good team when we do eventually get married, but we're just not in a rush to do so. I know couples who dated for 10 years before they got married. Also communicating is key. If you don't feel like you can honestly tell him this is bothering you, then maybe he's not the right one. It can be hard, and scary but talking it out could be just the thing you and he needed. I think that's the biggest thing I've learned being in my current relationship is guys can't read your mind! You have to tell them what you want/need/think!

Edited by Kelly Silva

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 When a man is ready he will propose Look at George Clooney. All those women who stuck it out 5-7 years. Now Boom! He's engaged.. Why would you want somebody who had to be hinted into it? Don't worry about men, worry about your education and enjoying your freedom!

 

  When you find the right one you will want your parents to know him and he will want his family to know you. Frankly, that's a big old red flag to me right there. Don't push him, don't move in with him (if he wants the right to live with you then he can dang well man-up and put a ring on it) and never give an ultimatum that you can't keep.

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Y'all have definitely been together a long time, no doubt, but you also seem young (hopefully this isn't creepy i just noticed your profile said you're a freshman in college). My unsolicited advice, even if you got engaged within the next year or so would be to wait a few more years to get married. I hated hearing that when I was in undergrad. But my boyfriend and I dated pretty much all through undergrad + this first year of law school I am about to finish before he propsed. Looking back on the last three years,  and everything we went through, we have both changed A LOT (in good ways). Basically my point is everyone goes through changes/growing up in undergrad, some for better and some for worse. And right now it seems like you need to work on communication with him and your parents before marriage comes.

 

I totally agree.  You can be engaged, but have a long engagement.   Wait until you are 26-27 to get married. 

 

I live in a state where the divorce rates are the lowest in the country and it is because people wait until their mid to late 20's to get married.  They finish college, they get a job, they concentrate on themselves for a bit and then they get married.    You need to focus on yourself and understand who you are at 19 may not be who you are at 26. 

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I know couples who dated for 10 years before they got married.

 

Me. We were living together for that long also. I just turned 34, DH will be 35 next month, and our 1st wedding anniversary is in September though we have been a couple since Jan '03. (No human kids.)

 

Why the delay? Life kept greeting in the way. We were already legally common-law so essentially the marriage became more symbolic than anything. I even had countless people ask me why I wanted to get married, as if being common-law for so long indicates a lack of interest in the institution of marriage or something...

 

Longer post than I intended, lol, but my point is that every couple and situation is different. And that the older you get, you realize the less you know, so don't rush through those life experiences. :)

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I don't drop hints about anything  . I tell someone outright what I want and need. Ask him if he intends to marry you. Ask him is so when. Ask him how he honestly feels about you. Are you afraid of his answer?

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