Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...

...or that you could crawl into a hole?

Testimonials of a few people who did.

1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in town and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a

shampoo and a blow-job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he

knew better.

2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.

After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. This my sister has never let me forget.

4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was

finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I'll tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!". The silence was deafening after this

enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

5. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on at him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying

my taco, I smelled something funny. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you sure you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have

an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled: "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. Here's what happens when you predict snow but don't get any. A true story!! We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!

LMAO @ "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" :icon_lol: :icon_lol: :icon_lol:

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!!!!!!¨¨!

One time my bf, although he is Swiss and speaks perfect English, was explaining something to some other doctor colleagues at dinner at our house. These doctor colleagues were really uptight and the evening was not going well. He said

"Well yes...so-and-so worked for this fatastic company that gave him a Golden Shower and everything...."

Of course he meant Golden Parachute. I lost it completely. My bf tried to recover but we both had a couple of gasses of Bordeaux under our belts and could care less at this point. We were ROTFLOA off!!!

We don't know if these people even got the joke. We never saw them again , thank God.

So thanks for this thread, Lisa.

omg those are great

#4 *Stands up and applauds*:icon_chee:icon_chee:clap

I'm still cracking up by those stories you told. They are just so hilarious. SO SO SO funny.....I just can imagine how u felt at that moment:icon_redf .... so embarassed....lol.

You're ahead of me, Lisa! I JUST got this in my inbox!! Woohoo!!

hahaha ..... thx Lisa

Holy crap, that was GREAT! I laughed so hard! I did a few of those bad faux-paus(sp?) and Freudian slips myself. Oh, I am full of them. I handle it well, I always blush furiously and laugh, saying "did I just say that?!" My husband does them too....I can hardly count the times he was trying to say something and was staring and my chest, thus he would say something that rhymes with "splits" instead of another word that rhymes with "slpits" that would have actually been in the right context. LMAO!

Last fall, my hubby and bestpal and I went to an Italian market with an awesome deli. They have a game called Bocce, which involves rolling a ball to get a score. I'm foggy on what the rest entails. The balls are heavy and made of wood.

My husband and pal were chatty with the owners of the store. One of them was talking to me a lot, trying to explain the game of Bocce. He took out some of the balls for the game and let me sort of look at them, and I looked at the playing feild too.

My husband saw me returning to the counter, a big green Bocce ball in hand and a reddish one on the counter that I's been looking at. He asked me, "Hey baby, whatcha doin'?" I replied happily, "Oh, I'm just playing with these big balls!" Then my eyes (wide) and I slammed my hand to my head. "Oh, not again!" I said.

I slammed the ball down on the counter and blushed the color of a brick. As you can imagine, hilarity ensued. The shopkeepers laughed their heads off and my friend and my husband just died laughing. I stammered, "what...did I just say?!!" I left from behind the counter, murmuring "I can't belive I just said that...I'm gonna leave those big balls well alone!"

The reporter in MI story is/was priceless. OMG! The toddler stories too...out of the mouths of babes. /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Soooooooooooo Funny !!!

yes, it was acutally on monday morning. i kinda ****ed everything up after that.

Great story! I love it when people do stuff like that!

Everybody else get embarrassed but I just love it!

They are fantastic!!! :icon_lol:

Oh my God! These are the funniest stories!!! LMAO :laughing:

PMSL love it!

rotflmao....very nice lol