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Secret Santa 2014 input wanted

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A reveal doesn't have to be pictures.  I stand by my assertion that a public acknowledgment needs to be a rule.  Even if your person thanks you in private, there are a lot of other ladies in the threads who'd like to know who your person was and that they're happy.

 

The bottom line is that it's sad and disheartening for those of us who get lurkers, the painfully shy or insensitive jerks as our recipients.  And since they don't seem to be the majority of people, a rule isn't going to have people fleeing the "oppressive rules" in droves.

Edited by DonnaD
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*peeks in* Hey, um, can I suggest we let this issue rest for the night (or longer)? Maybe it would be best to let the dust of the two current swaps settle, and then come back and evaluate the issue again later.

I just worry this thread is starting to go in circles.

Deep breaths, friends!

(Ɔ˘⌣˘)(˘⌣˘)˘⌣˘ C)

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Even if your person thanks you in private, there are a lot of other ladies in the threads who'd like to know who your person was and that their happy.
 

 

I understand where you're coming from, but we will have to just agree to disagree on this one. 

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Also as an addendum: making a rule saying "you must thank your gift giver upon receipt" could come off as very abrasive, but requiring that people contact their gift giver within a certain amount of time to let them know the package arrived, like @ and @@SaraP suggested, would help open that door to thanking/conversing without it being so forced or weird.

I totally agree with this. I think a private acknowledgment should be more than enough.

 

I get that it would suck to have a shy/less frequent poster. But, I would keep my upset feelings to myself until maybe after the swap itself was completed. I think if I was a less frequent poster, got my present, did some recon and saw that for weeks my my Santa complained about me and had a miserable time because of me and was open about it, I would only feel the incentive to bless her heart and move on with my life.

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I totally agree with this. I think a private acknowledgment should be more than enough.

 

I get that it would suck to have a shy/less frequent poster. But, I would keep my upset feelings to myself until maybe after the swap itself was completed. I think if I was a less frequent poster, got my present, did some recon and saw that for weeks my my Santa complained about me and had a miserable time because of me and was open about it, I would only feel the incentive to bless her heart and move on with my life.

Is secret santa a private trade?  Want to know how many people have gifted me things?  A bunch.  I thank them in private because...it's private.

 

Secret Santa has a discussion thread and a reveal thread.  That's because it's a public get together for the fun and enjoyment of all...not the private fun and enjoyment of one.  If it's all about getting something for some people and not sharing in the excitement or thanking the person who gifted them, then bless them.  They need the blessings more than I do.

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 I have a cheap semi-smart phone (Android Straight Talk), and I have never been able to get pictures from it, to the laptop and to upload here. I do have photos posted, just not at MUT. If photos became an absolute requirement I would be forced to drop-out.

 

   I'm hoping my written descriptions didn't hurt anyone.  It hurts my heart to know that such kind and generous people have not been thanked or even acknowledged.

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There's a *lot* going on in here, but I wanted to jump back a few pages and throw one thing out.  Something to keep in mind about attaching surveys to assignment PMs:  That would mean they would not be publicly viewable.  That has good and bad sides.

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There's a *lot* going on in here, but I wanted to jump back a few pages and throw one thing out.  Something to keep in mind about attaching surveys to assignment PMs:  That would mean they would not be publicly viewable.  That has good and bad sides.

Wouldn't it be possible to have it in a document that you can copy then create your wish list?  As long as you save it before you submit it, would it not be saved?

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Wow...just wow. I spent 10 minutes catching up on this.

 

I agree that some sort of acknowledging receipt of the gift needs to be a rule. I think the majority of people know that, but for the occasional person who can't figure out enough to say "thank you, gift was received" I do think they should not be allowed to participate in the future. It's common courtesy, period. There's no excuse for bad manners.

 

I know on the old forum pics were much easier, but I think most people have gotten the hang of it. I don't know that they should be an absolute requirement, but it is a nice touch. I for one loved looking at all the pictures.

 

I loved Secret Santa for nails last year and I hope to have it as an option again this year. I don't want to see it bogged down by a million rules, but something so courteous should be required. Although it makes me sad that we even have to have this discussion.

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Photo's are a big stresser for me, I will spent whatever amount of time need to get something revealed. Even if it's just one and a description. I'm hoping for more, but sometimes my photos load, other times no go....

Edited by sarap
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I don't think photos will *ever* be a requirement.  There are just too many problems with that.  I do recall reading somewhere that reveals or at least acknowledgements *will* be mandatory this year, but I'm not sure whether those will be required to be in public or if a private PM will be fine.

 

And something else to keep in mind, this time about participation:  So you want everyone to participate.  That seems like a good goal.  But what about shy people who freak out about posting?  A demand that they *must* post will keep them away from here.  You might think that's fine, but the problem is that this just creates a Secret Santa/Midsummer clique.  That is just about the *last* thing we want.  We want to *encourage* people to participate in whatever way they feel comfortable.  For some people, that's just watching from the sidelines and sending their gift.  I think the length of the summer swaps has had an effect on the expectation of participation in the discussion threads, but I don't think it's realistic to expect that in the future, especially once we get into the holidays.

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And something else to keep in mind, this time about participation:  So you want everyone to participate.  That seems like a good goal.  But what about shy people who freak out about posting?  A demand that they *must* post will keep them away from here.  You might think that's fine, but the problem is that this just creates a Secret Santa/Midsummer clique.  That is just about the *last* thing we want.  We want to *encourage* people to participate in whatever way they feel comfortable.  For some people, that's just watching from the sidelines and sending their gift.  I think the length of the summer swaps has had an effect on the expectation of participation in the discussion threads, but I don't think it's realistic to expect that in the future, especially once we get into the holidays.

My problem with this is people are required to have a certain amount of posts to sign up. They obviously aren't too shy to post at all. Now of course I don't think the answer is to make people post either, I'm just saying I don't think anyone who qualifies to sign up for this is too shy to post ever. In summation my thoughts on this topic:

 

1) Public reveal makes lots of people happy, whether it be photos or in writing. I couldn't say if it should be necessary, but maybe a list of "typical" things that happen during these swaps for newbies just signing up might be a nice way to let them know what others have done in the past (ex: links to the various threads, letting them know most make a wish list thread, explaining how reveals usually work). That way it's not necessary, but people will know expectations and probably be more encouraged to do these things.

 

2) A survey/wishlist I think is necessary, especially for those who don't post much. A thorough wish list from my person was kind of my savior for learning about my person who doesn't post much. I really don't know what I would have done without it. A lot of PMing that's for sure. Expanding on this, I think I actually liked the way it worked for Summerswap, with a survey getting personal info, that was then PM'd to buddies, and then most made a public wish list that they linked in their signature making it easy to find. I barely remember my survey I took when I first signed up, but I definitely think having a public wish list that I was able to edit as I bought or learned about new items was much handier than the survey that only had a few questions. 

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Good point about number of posts a person has to have to participate. Even if they choose to not answer a bunch of questions, they do post on the forum and should post at least a thanks/reveal. 

Edited by sarap

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My SS giftee didn't post pictures. That was such an inconsequential detail to me that I had to actually go back through the thread and look to see if that happened because I seriously did not remember. So no, it wasn't most important to me.

Speaking as one of those who got zero acknowledgement from her SeSa recipient, all I wanted was to know she got it. I really wasn't bothered by the lack of a reveal post. I was angry that I had to ask if it had been safely received.

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I do not need my giftees to say thank you or gush or stroke my ego...at all. The reveals should be mandatory because they are the culmination of a month or 2 long experience and without them it's like watching a movie and turning it off before the end. One of my favorite reveals in the midsummer swap had no pictures. Posting that you got your box and who your Santa was should be required because we are all dying to know! I learned so much about everyone by seeing their reveals (captions, pics, whatevs). If they don't want to play along then maybe they should do a RAOK instead. I proposed an OPTIONAL weekly check in, are we saying that's unreasonable?

 

If participating on the site is a requirement for joining the swap, why wouldn't it be a requirement during the duration of the swap as well?

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If participating on the site is a requirement for joining the swap, why wouldn't it be a requirement during the duration of the swap as well?

This. So much agreement. 

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I think theres an obvious difference between someone who qualifies to participate and has a 150 posts and some one who qualifies and has 5000 posts. It doesn't make any sense to put the expectations you have of a 5000 post member on someone who clearly isn't that active but is a little active.

 

This shouldn't be about making it a clique of people who post all the time.

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I think theres an obvious difference between someone who qualifies to participate and has a 150 posts and some one who qualifies and has 5000 posts. It doesn't make any sense to put the expectations you have of a 5000 post member on someone who clearly isn't that active but is a little active.

 

This shouldn't be about making it a clique of people who post all the time.

I don't think that's what anyone is trying to say. I think what it boils down to is if you are going to participate, then you need to participate. I don't care if it's someone who has 50 posts or 5,000 posts. If they can get to the minimum number of posts required to participate and sign up, and then suddenly get too shy, too busy, too whatever to even acknowledge that the gift has arrived, then they shouldn't have participated to begin with, and shouldn't be allowed to participate in the future. (This of course takes into consideration emergencies and such that may come up.)

 

I don't even care if they do a public reveal or a simple, private PM to a mod or an elf, it should be acknowledged. We shouldn't have to see posts like "tracking shows the gift was delivered last week, I want to make sure it all arrived safely but haven't heard anything from my person."

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The point of Secret Santa is to exhange gifts. Not to entertain the userbase with small talk. And the pervailing comments are forcing people to participate in the chat threads, and that's what I'm responding to. People who don't thank their SS are an extreme that I think should be left up to Zadi's discretion.

Edited by kawaiimeows
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The point of Secret Santa is to exhange gifts. Not to entertain the userbase with small talk. And the pervailing comments are forcing people to participate in the chat threads, and that's what I'm responding to. People who don't thank their SS are an extreme that I think should be left up to Zadi's discretion.

I think this comment gets to the heart of what the debate here is really about.  Is the point of Secret Santa to exchange gifts or is it something more? 

 

What I'm hearing is that a lot of people think it should be something more -- a social event, not just a gift exchange.

 

If a decision is made to go the more social route and require that people participate in the thread and/or post a reveal (or at least publicly acknowledge receipt and who their Secret Santa/FGM is), as long as that is clear in the rules, then those are the rules.  I would be sorry if someone didn't participate because they were uncomfortable with that -- but I'm also sorry that people don't participate because they feel they won't have a "good enough" gift (since there are people -- like me -- who supplement the $25 cash requirement with points and other bonuses) and for people who do participate, but are disappointed because their person isn't a part of the happy.

 

At this point, my question is this: who decides what the rules are going to be?  Zadi, the mods together, someone else?  How does the feedback from the community figure in to the decision?

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I think theres an obvious difference between someone who qualifies to participate and has a 150 posts and some one who qualifies and has 5000 posts. It doesn't make any sense to put the expectations you have of a 5000 post member on someone who clearly isn't that active but is a little active.

 

This shouldn't be about making it a clique of people who post all the time.

Please stop trying to turn this into some kind of clique-ish thing.

 

Painfully shy people don't join forums and then make 100 posts so they can join in on a secret santa.  You keep making this about shy people.  Seriously??  The shy people I know apparently aren't anything like the shy people you know.

 

If you have posting requirements to join, it's no huge leap to ask people to post once a week in the discussions.  I'm not saying they need to be forced to have fun or post 320 times a day.  I'm saying ONE TIME A WEEK.  Stop trying to make that into us putting a gun to the head of a shy person.  It's not and it's entirely reasonable to expect people to minimally participate.

 

Posting a reveal does not mean you have to post pictures.  Posting pictures is a royal pita on this new forum and not everyone has a camera BUT everyone certainly can type a short post announcing who their ss is, thank them and if the spirit moves them, a short description of what they got or what they like.

 

But for real, please stop making these really simple, really do-able requests seem like terrorist acts against socially awkward people.  That's not what it's about and you know it.  It's not about making a clique and you know it.

 

All of this is about basic decency and respect.  It's about treating people kindly.  It's about having fun.  Nobody is forced to do anything and nobody is disappointed and nobody ends up feeling like crap.

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Donna, there are tons of lurkers here and lurkers are not an uncommon phenomenon on forums at all. Some people hit the amount if posts they need so they can participate. Like @@meaganola said some people just want to exchange a gift and watch from the sideline. I get that you're upset because your SS never thanked you and never came into the chat thread while we were all participating. I think the issue of thanking is something that needs to be hashed out but I don't see how this issue of "decency and respect" comes in to play for someone who doesn't want to post in the big chat threads. I don't feel like I'm owed the request of someone's presence in the chats just because they want to exchange gifts.

 

And I don't think the moderators should have to waste their time making sure every person who signs up participates at least once a week, the secret Santa groups get HUGE. Its petty and a huge waste of time when people are busy with school, work, holiday stuff. Etc.

Edited by kawaiimeows
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Could we put the participation requirement discussion on hold for a few days? We're starting to go in circles on this, and things are starting to get close to personal attacks, so I think it's time to put this specific issue aside for now.

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If this is a debate about whether Secret Santa is a gift exchange or a social event, then I have a comment to add.

Isn't it both?

Isn't it about sharing gifts, surprising someone with stuff we like as well as stuff with think they will like, and simultaneously getting to know the super sweet people of this site? It's a social gift exchange! \(^▽^)/

And some people might want to share that whole experience with the group, where as others might like to keep the gift exchange between just two people.

 

I don't know. Just a thought, I guess. (/ω\)

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