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charrelizabeth

what's the right age to think about children?

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Ok so I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years I'm 18 hes 21,we talk a lot about having children and a family but we both know we arnt ready to have a child yet I said that maybe in a few years (when I'm about 23) he will be 26 that I would have kids but I don't know if he thinks that's abit late with him being older, we obviously won't have children until were both ready to have that commitment and responsibility in our lives What do you guys think the right age is to have kids?

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You really have to look at yourselves and think if you're financially, emotionally, and physically ready. I think that's one of the main problems with people having children too early, and by early I don't necessarily mean teenage pregnancy. Some adults can be unprepared to have children. As long as you're both committed and capable like you said then you can't put an age on when you should start considering. That's just my two cents ;)

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My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year. We've talked about the future and everything too (including kids and marriage). He's two years younger than me. He told me before he wants kids but he suddenly changed his mind. Maybe when he's older hell want them but you never know. I guess it's all a personal thing. Personally I wanna be done by the time I'm 25-27. Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk

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I'm in my 30s. Lots of women my age are having their first babies. When I was 21 and had my oldest, lots of women my age were having babies. When I was in my very late 20s and had my youngest, the same. Some of my friends have kids that are graduating high school, some are just announcing their first pregnancies. There isn't a good age to have kids - if you're young, people will tell you that you're not ready, don't have enough money, and haven't lived enough life. If you're older (like a few of my friends in their 40s) people will tell you that you're too old to keep up with kids, that you're probably too set in your routines, and that you need to save money for retirement. If you're in your 30s, people will tell you that you don't have enough money, will be too tired to keep up, and should consider traveling some before having kids. 


The truth of it is that you will never have "enough" money to have kids - my spouse and I make a lot more money than my (much younger) brother does. I have two kids, my brother has four with number five on the way. We both love, feed, clothe, and entertain our children. His kids are not hurt by living with less than mine sometimes have and neither of us feels like we have enough money for the number of kids we have. There's always a way to spend more but you can usually get by on less. 

You will always be tired. If you're 20, you might bounce back from the tired a little better but babies are exhausting. "Sleep like a baby" - you mean be awake every hour screaming about something? The cleaning never ends, there's always something to clean up with little kids. When your kid gets sick you will take care of them until you get sick and then they will be better (and have a ton of energy) while you're sick and no one is going to take care of you. This is true no matter how old you are - what's more important here is help. Is your spouse committed? Do they pick up the slack in the chores when you've had a bad week or do they grumble about stuff not being done and it's "your job?" If you don't already have an even split of the housework, expect that to get worse once kids come in to the picture. 

You will always be missing out on something people without kids are doing. In your 20s, vacations and partying. In your 30s, vacations and concerts. In your 40s, vacations and dinner parties. People in their 20s with kids are told they're missing out on something - then when you get to your 40s and still have middle schoolers, you're told again that you're missing something. Know that a significant portion of your time is going to be taken up with childcare whenever you decide to do it and pick a time that sounds good for you. 

So, what's a good age to have kids? Never or whenever. There really is no other answer. 

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The answer is really dependant on you. No one can answer for you. I'm 33. For me, there is no "right time". I simply don't want to have children. I like my life just the way it is. I'm never worried about money, daycare, school, bullies, etc. Some folks love being pregnant/parents/coaches etc. It's up to you to decide. Medically, there are more risks involved in getting pregnant into your late thirties. That's something to consider. Other than that, there is no magical age. If you plan to stay together and have a family and can financially do so, then go for it. Just make sure it's what you want.

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The timing is up to you. I had my kids between 24 and 28. I had a friend that got pregnant when she was 30 and her doctor labeled her high risk because of her age. Once you hit 30 the odds having a special needs child increases and I don't think that's really talked about a lot.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lyndeestar View Post
 

The timing is up to you. I had my kids between 24 and 28. I had a friend that got pregnant when she was 30 and her doctor labeled her high risk because of her age. Once you hit 30 the odds having a special needs child increases and I don't think that's really talked about a lot.

Most doctors do this at 35 - that's where the risks really start to add up. Advanced Maternal Age (what they call the "condition") at 30 seems a little silly, honestly, but hey - doctors, especially OBs, kinda do what they want with the guidelines. 

Here's your biggest risk: 

A woman's risk of having a baby with chromosomal abnormalities increases with her age. The most common of these being Down Syndrome and the risk for that at various ages is:

  • At age 20, 1 in 1440
  • At age 25, 1 in 1,380
  • At age 30, 1 in 960
  • At age 35, 1 in 340
  • At age 40, 1 in 84
  • At age 45, 1 in 38
  • At age 50, 1 in 44



You can see that the numbers really jump at 35. This is true for maternal death stats (both in-labor/delivery deaths and death-before-child-is-18) as well. For all of these statistics, your risk is never zero - expect anything you "plan" with regard to children to go completely and totally sideways at all times and you'll never be shocked. :) 

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Best time to have kids financially is when you are retired. All the time in the world and years of hard earned saving plowed into income generating investments for you and your partner and your newly born baby to live off and a side benefit of no lousy job to have to go to, for either of you. You can afford the best for the baby and it not do without for anything......

 

Except ,of course this is completely negated by the body clock. 

 

Whichever way you go and whatever age, there will not be a perfect time. It is what works best with the parents involved.

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I don't think age should be the focus. I started college early and and i was like once i graduate i would  get married and be young soccer mom. My plans changed in my final year in college beacuse i thought getting married and starting the right job the same year i graduate. While buying a small house too and oh get pregnant was too much. New pan, gain some financial freedom, then comes the rest.

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 I think the most responsible way is to wait until you can truly afford them. If you are in a stage of your life when  you are not supporting yourself 100%, then wait until you are.

Edited by Kristine Walker
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lyndeesta

 

The timing is up to you. I had my kids between 24 and 28. I had a friend that got pregnant when she was 30 and her doctor labeled her high risk because of her age. Once you hit 30 the odds having a special needs child increases and I don't think that's really talked about a lot.

Most doctors do this at 35 - that's where the risks really start to add up. Advanced Maternal Age (what they call the "condition") at 30 seems a little silly, honestly, but hey - doctors, especially OBs, kinda do what they want with the guidelines. 

 

Here's your biggest risk: 

A woman's risk of having a baby with chromosomal abnormalities increases with her age. The most common of these being Down Syndrome and the risk for that at various ages is:

  • At age 20, 1 in 1440
  • At age 25, 1 in 1,380
  • At age 30, 1 in 960
  • At age 35, 1 in 340
  • At age 40, 1 in 84
  • At age 45, 1 in 38
  • At age 50, 1 in 44

You can see that the numbers really jump at 35. This is true for maternal death stats (both in-labor/delivery deaths and death-before-child-is-18) as well. For all of these statistics, your risk is never zero - expect anything you "plan" with regard to children to go completely and totally sideways at all times and you'll never be shocked. :)

 

 

 

I know that it is true that the older you get, the more issues - but I wonder if there are other factors in here as well.  The vast majority of my family and friends all had children in their mid 30's and higher - and none of them had any problems at all - their children do not have any birth defects and they went thru their pregnancy in a normal fashion.

 

I only know of two instances in my circle of friends/family where the pregnancy was abnormal - and that is when fertility drugs were used and one lady had twins and another had triplets.  In this case, both women were under 27, so the drugs were not used because of their age - they had problems conceiving.

 

 

I guess in my family, all of the women had their children later in life (at least starting with my mom and aunts, cousins - I cannot speak to any generation prior to that).  My mom didn't have her first child until she was 36, and went on to have two more. 

 

So, I do think, while I agree that the older you get, there are more complications, that it is also genetic as well.  As I stated, I have lots of family & friends that didn't even have their first child until their mid-30's & continued with children into their early 40's  and everyone is healthy.  

Edited by biancardi
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There is a difference between "thinking" and "having". The right age to have a children is when everything is ready to afford his needs, that you have a stable situation and you're sure of the father you chose. However there is no right age to think about children, it depends of everybody because we all think different and we are all different.

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Hello,

 

There is no right age for children, you have to do it for the right reasons and think about all the aspects ;)

Don't do it for social pressure, don't do it because "it's time"...

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It varies for everyone and there's no real wring answer for a consenting adult. Of course you can be too young, but once you're part a certain age it's up to you to decide when you're ready!

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Ok so I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years I'm 18 hes 21,we talk a lot about having children and a family but we both know we arnt ready to have a child yet I said that maybe in a few years (when I'm about 23) he will be 26 that I would have kids but I don't know if he thinks that's abit late with him being older, we obviously won't have children until were both ready to have that commitment and responsibility in our lives What do you guys think the right age is to have kidsHJ

Honestly, there's not really any specific age. There's a period in life that is best. Just ensure you have made accomplishments such as graduating from college, maintaining a steady good job, getting married for love and then have a baby made  out of love. Another consideration is to have already built a house, cause after you have children it becomes difficult. Ensure that you are also psychologically prepared to take care of children.

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