Makeup, etc, when single?

I wonder if anyone else feels this way.  I've been single for 2 years and sometimes I feel like there isn't a point to putting on nice makeup, perfume, etc.  Like I'll put on nice makeup but not as nicely as I would if I had a special someone.  Because no one looks at me..when men pass me on the street they don't look at me and even when I buy things they usually don't make eye contact, so it feels kind of like a waste.  Yes I have enough makeup so it's not that I'm afraid to use it up, but it just seems pointless if no one's going to look.  I know it should be for yourself, but it's nice to have people look at you....can anyone else relate?

For me it even extends to not buying dresses (I just stick to simple stuff) and not buying the shampoo that's better...I just use normal cheap shampoo because hey, who's looking at my hair so why waste the money?  Can anyone relate to this at all?

When I was single, I put on makeup to make ME happy. You shouldn't worry about making everyone (including a potential date) happy with your makeup, it should be about what makes you feel confident and pretty. If you wanna use the cheap shampoo because it helps you save money for other things, do that! But if you have the $ to go all out and spoil yourself, do that too!

(And even as someone in a relationship now, there are still days that I don't wear makeup or do my hair - because I don't want to!) Big hugs to you, sounds like you may be going through a rough time lately.

Thank you for your good advice and nice words!

Yes I guess there's just a mental block in my mind, like who's looking at me, why should I waste money on for example nicer shampoo....like sure I would enjoy using it at the time I'm washing my hair but if I'm honest I'm not going to stand there for hours looking in the mirror so it does seem a bit meh if no one notices me.

My grooming habits have always been for me, not for other people.  If I want to put on a cute top and do my hair to meet friends at the bar, I do.  If I want to wear a baseball cap and t-shirt instead, that's what I do.  Granted, I've been in a relationship for ages, but I've never paid any attention to if people are looking at me or not.  

I will say that I can relate to what you said, but for me, it used to be about clothes.  I am a very casual person and always envied my friends who would wear patterns, bright clothing, and accessories.  I would but the clothes and never wear them, because what if my friends asked why I was so dressed up or what if I was dressier than other people around.  I remember telling myself that once "X" happened, then I would finally be the person who would wear those kinds of things.  One day, I found myself in the middle of a personal crisis and was meeting friends as a distraction and realized I had nothing to wear.  And it suddenly occurred to me that I had been waiting much too long for "X" to happen and that, if the clothes I bought appealed to me, then I AM the person who would wear them.  

I will never been a dress person, outside of formal events, but I am a green faux snakeskin loafer person.  And an obnoxious earring person.  And a t-shirt with a funny saying/blazer combo at the dive bar person.  If someone doesn't like it, they are more than welcome to kiss my rear.

Who's looking at you?  You are.  You said you would enjoy using nicer shampoo, so buy the nicer shampoo.  Don't wait for "X" to happen to be the person you want to be.  

I agree, you do what you want. I'm married, but I still do this. Don't feel like wearing much makeup to work? Then I won't. Feel like going full on glam and taking an hour to get ready just to go to target? Then I will. You gotta do what makes you happy. Your happiness and confidence will show through more than any makeup could ever do (unless makeup makes you more confident!)

That's why I always hate when men say "you don't need all that, men like the natural look". Like awww that's cute you think my face is for you And my life goal is to make my face attractive for men. And by cute I mean some mysoginistic BS, but I digress.

Do what makes you feel good. Whatever that is.

Makeup has never been about making my husband, my boss, my family (when they were alive) or anyone else happy. It's about ME and feeling better about myself and how I present myself. Perfume is very much the same--a nice scent makes me happy, and now that I am married the only thing I take into consideration is whether a perfume contains ingredients that might spark one of his allergies.

Let me give you a little secret from an old Crone: having someone in your life is a nice thing, but it is not the beginning nor end of your existence. I love my husband and our life together, but I'm still me. When he works late, I'm here alone; if statistics are correct, I will likely outlive him. I will still be me, and still have to look at myself in the mirror every morning. The beginning and end of your existence is within yourself, finding your own sense of wholeness, becoming complete-in-yourself. You are at a time and place in your life where you not only need to make friends with yourself, but to enjoy it! Use this alone-time to build yourself up, discover the greatness within you, and enjoy your own company. I learned in my single days to enjoy putting my face on, putting on a nice cologne and wearing good clothing just for myself. I took myself to museums and movies and dinners; I attended public events, got to know my community, and discovered my own strengths. I learned that no matter my age, weight, education or economic level, I was regardless a Woman of Quality.

If you go about anything just for the sake of pleasing others, it's just running on a hamster wheel. Someone is always going to not be pleased. Be good to yourself. Take care of YOU. You are worth it.

 Fixing yourself up is for you.  Some days I don't put on anything except my favorite perfume, because I love the scent. Do it for yourself.

Hugs.

Honestly, if you don't want to wear makeup, don't wear it! I am sure you are gorgeous either way! And if you do want to wear makeup, wear whatever you want! I know it might be easier said than done but in the end makeup should be something that makes you feel happy and good about yourself- not for men.

/emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Yeah, even though I don't really wear makeup, lately just a but of Bb creame to spoil myself in a way, I sometimes think, eh, you don't look, fine then, I won't try.

But seriously, don't go overboard with trying to impress others, believe me when I say, it stinks. I've tried to be noticed (who hasn't) and I have been hurt in many ways by it and for it.

It might sound cliche, but what all the ladies are saying is true, just be a d do it for you, if you don't want to, then fine, don't. But if by any chance you do get noticed, that's a bonus. /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

I sure as hell don't wear makeup for anyone other than myself.  If I only wore it when I had someone in my life, I would never wear it.  Two years?  Bah.  Child's play.  Try two presidents.  And I don't mean presidential terms.  I mean I think my last date was during the Clinton era.

But I'm reading something else in your post that I can seriously relate to:  Makeup as barometer of how I feel about life.  When I don't give a damn about *anything* and should probably see a therapist who can refer me to someone who can prescribe antidepressants, I don't bother with makeup or my hair.  When I feel good about myself and my life, out comes the eyeliner/nail polish/lipstick.  I absolutely *do not* mean "Wear makeup, and you'll feel better!"  I mean the reverse.  "When I feel like crap, I don't care enough to even *try*."  You should have seen me when my mom passed away or when I was desperately looking for a job and couldn't get so much as an acknowledgement from a temp agency.  Drunk in the middle of the night with barber clippers touching up my pixie because why bother paying someone to do it when my hair is a swirl of purple, blue, and pink, so no one is going to notice a bad haircut because they'll be too busy trying to figure out WTF is up with the color?  Been there, done that.

And this isn't all about looks.  This is about *living*.  Go ahead and buy that fancy shampoo because *you like it*.  Does it make your hair feel softer or smell better?  Well, you have to touch your hair when you brush it or smell it when you're awake, so you might as well like the texture/scent.  And your skin:  You have to live in it, so you might as well make it soft (lotion!  Oil!  Body butter!) and smell good (perfume!).  Or not, if you don't like that.

And if you like wearing makeup, well, you do have to see yourself when you look in the mirror, so why not go ahead and put some on if you like it?  It's not a waste to wear it for yourself if it makes you happy.  I love the way my eyes look with makeup, so even if I'm just sitting at home with my cats and my Netflix queue, I'll hit the liner and shadow because I *will* see myself in the mirror when I go into the bathroom (and if it's a laundry day, I'll be going into the bathroom a lot since that's where my machines are located).  Unless I'm sick.  Then my eyes will be runny, so using makeup is a waste because it will stay on for all of fifteen minutes, and I don't want to risk contaminating my stuff with cooties because that will mean I'll have to toss everything.  But if I'm not sick and just cleaning my apartment?  Well, hey, time to give that neon yellow eyeshadow and turquoise eyeliner a try.

If you don't like wearing makeup or perfume, then don't.  But please don't make the mistake of thinking that there's no point in wearing makeup or perfume just because there's "no one" in your life.  Because there *is* someone in your life:  You.  If I learned only one thing from _Parks & Rec_, it's this:  Clothes.  Fragrances.  Massages.  Mimosas.  Fine leather goods.  Treat yo self!  You want the Batman suit?  Buy the Batman suit.  (I only watch _Parks & Rec_ when I have a nasty cold, so I don't really remember much of it, but I have a coworker who is *obsessed* with that particular storyline, so it reappears in my life with a surprising frequency.)

@@meaganola You said it much better than I could. Are you a mind reader or something?

I've read everything and thanks girls.  Meagan's post especially resonated with me.  Liked that joke about the presidents /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />  Before I t hought it's not wo rth wearing makeup or having nice hair because I only see myself a few times a day in the mirror.  But that's a good point when you said I am a person so why should I not count?

It is disappointing not to be admired and looked at and wanted but hey what can you do /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

PerfumedDog said:

I've read everything and thanks girls.  Meagan's post especially resonated with me.  Liked that joke about the presidents /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />  Before I t hought it's not wo rth wearing makeup or having nice hair because I only see myself a few times a day in the mirror.  But that's a good point when you said I am a person so why should I not count?

It is disappointing not to be admired and looked at and wanted but hey what can you do /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Click to expand...

More advice from another old crone  :lol:  .......

How do you know you're not admired and looked at and wanted?  You don't know what's going on in other people's heads.  

I think that this is more a problem of mindset than makeup.  Self-confident people are attractive.  People want to be around confident people.   I don't mean arrogant, or "I'm so gorgeous"......just content with yourself. 

When you're feeling down about yourself (nobody wants me so why bother), you don't smile much, your shoulders slump, your posture sinks, and the whole effect just sends off signals of 'go away' to people.  It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.  You can be pushing people away without even realizing it.  

That's one reason that I don't go out of the house without feeling good about how I look.  And that doesn't necessarily mean I've spent an hour on my hair and makeup and am wearing a dress and heels.  It might be just jeans and a t-shirt and a little foundation and a touch of lipstick.  I need to look in the mirror and say OK, I look nice. 

And that's true even if I don't go out of the house.  I work at home most days, so the only people I might see are the mailman and maybe a repairman. Every morning, I put makeup on, because *I* want to look nice.  Not because I particularly care what the mailman thinks, but just for me.  

I used to not bother with makeup at all when I was working at home.  Heck, some days I'd skip the shower.  I found it was really affecting my mood.  Now I shower every day and get dressed and put on makeup. Yeah, I wear much more comfortable clothes than I would if I were going into the office, but at least I make the effort. Much better.

And besides, you never know when or where you'll meet someone really...interesting.  I met a super-nice, super-cute guy when I found him under my kitchen sink fixing a leak.  Awesome.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />   I was really glad that I put on makeup that day.   :lol:

Like everyone else has said, you should do it for you not anyone else. You will find someone when it's the right time and they will love you for YOU, whether you wear tons of makeup or none at all. Plus you don't know if men aren't noticing you, it may look that way to you but they might be thinking wow look at her! /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> If you like wearing makeup and dressing up do it to make yourself feel more beautiful and if one day you don't feel like doing anything at all just don't do it. /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />