Family gave me an ultimatum

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PerfumedDog

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So my family has given me an ultimatum that if I don't lose weight they won't talk to me.  We haven't had contact for almost 3 months now.  They won't take my calls.  By my family I mean my parents.

They said that they want me to lose 30 pounds but if I lose 15 pounds they are willing to talk to me sometimes.  However, I have been exercising like crazy for the past 3 months, I literally have placed my life on hold in order to exercise and guess what?  My weight has remained EXACTLY the same.  I eat healthy and moderate portions at normal times throughout the day and I'm not willing to do anything crazy like just eat 1 cup of vegetables a day BUT I'm getting more and more desperate.

Sometimes it hurts so bad that they don't want to have anything to do with me.  I can't just write off my own parents and forget about them, I want them in my life.

 
I would like to suggest that you talk to a counselor about how to deal with this situation.  What your parents are doing is emotional blackmail.  Maybe you could convince your parents to see the counselor with you also, if they won't go, you should talk to a professional just to deal with the stress of their enormous lack of understanding. 

You deserve unconditonal love from your parents and I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this.  

 
I agree with everything LuckyMoon said regarding your parents.  I'm so sorry that your family is bullying you instead of being supportive.

Have you seen a doctor about your inability to lose weight?  There could be a medical reason.  One of the possibilities is stress, which it sound like your parents are causing.

 
I have to agree here, for one you need to speak to a counsler, and second there are many reasons for an inability to lose weight, such as hormonal problems, thyroid issues, ect. It is important to find out if there is an underlying cause before risking the chance of it becoming worse.

 
Hi,

In addition to what these lovely people have said, I'd like to stress the importance of calorie counting if you aren't already. Even if there is a thyroid issue or whatever, you still require a Certain amount of excess calories to maintain an overweight frame/gain weight. And what may seem like reasonable portions/healthy...well, they just might surprise you with their calories (like, for example, nuts and avocados are fab and healthy, and hey, a portion of those is reasonably small. Yeah? Well, they have a very high calorie count!) Even healthy food lead to weight gain, if you eat enough of them. And if you are counting calories- well, make sure you're measuring everything. Everything.. And everything counts- that ketchup packet, that handful of m&m's at work, the side of ranch, the olive oil you cooked that chicken breast in....it ALL counts, and needs to be measured (eyeballing just won't cut it).

Anyways, best of luck. If you need any support in losing weight, feel free to come on over to the weight loss/toning thread

 
Add my agreement to everything these good folks have said!

Also, please consider that when you eat healthy and exercise, the first thing you will do is gain muscle mass, and that can not only keep you at a steady weight but actually put on a little, and this is fine. Lean and strong muscle burns calories more efficiently. Continue on your present course, because you are on a right track...and please, for the sake of your emotional health, seek the advice of a trained counselor.

 
    OK, I'm not saying that you should do this, but when I was in school my stepdad was always ragging on me about my weight. (I was actually the perfect weight for my height then, 5'8 and 135). The last time he made a comment I locked myself in the bathroom with medium length auburn hair, peroxide, and scissors. When I came back out I had vivid orange hair cut like David Bowie Spiders From Mars look.

    The folks started screaming and ranting and I calmly said "Thought I'd give Dad something new to harp about"

Your folks need to learn you are not a number on a scale. As long as you are healthy they need to accept you the way you are. Hugs to you.

 
I agree with what everyone has said.  I am sorry you are going through this.

While I don't think you should continue to lose weight unless you want to for yourself, I second what was said about calorie counting.  Unfortunately, exercise doesn't actually help so much. Losing weight is 80% what you put in your mouth, minimum.  I know it sucks.  But if you want to lose weight you have to calorie count first, exercise second.  I think this is more likely to be your problem than a medical issue, but it can't hurt to get checked out as was suggested,

Do you know why your parents care about your weight?

 
I am sorry to hear about your family situation. I also agree on what everyone has suggested. Drinking lots of water and watching sodium intake might help a little. You need support from your family and guidance from a physician.

 
Hi :) /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />  Thanks for the positive understanding comments.  I think therapy would be good to talk to someone about it although they can't change my parents' minds.  I mean my parents won't even take my phone calls :'(  I have to make up my mind if I am able to spend a lot of money on it, from what I understand it costs at least $100 a session?

I do count my calories.  I never go above 1400 calories a day.  I just don't get very hungry.  For 2 months, I burned off 2000 calories a day through exercise but now I just burn off 1000 a day.  It might be what I eat not just the calories.  I know I eat carbs like rice and pasta at least once a day.

I haven't gained any weight since high school, I've remained the exact same weight this whole time every time I measure it which wasn't often except recently.

I really could have used my parents in my life right now and in general, I really want to work hard to lose weight but I don't think it's a matter of being lazy.

I should probably make a doctor's appointment like several of you recommended but I feel scared to hear that maybe something is wrong with me or I am ill.  Is that silly? :( /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

 
I would also like to suggest seeing a nutritionist as well, and talk to your physician. 1400 calories is right on the edge of too little, if you are getting regular exercise. When the body isn't getting enough fuel, it goes on sort of a power-save and ends up holding on to whatever weight it can. It's a holdover from the days when our ancient ancestors were hunter-gatherers and food could be scarce. Add to this the fact that you are a woman, and that your body wants to prepare for childbearing whether you want a child or not (this is why we hang on to fat worse than men) and its a recipe for frustration. I am not saying go and stuff yourself with Oreos, but if you are getting regular workouts your body NEEDS extra fuel to work with.

 
Also, friendly food advice from a diabetic: if you are going to eat carbs, make those little SOB's count as much as possible. Use whole-grain pasta and bread, and brown rice. They are nutritionally stronger, provide more fiber, and prevent blood glucose from spiking. High blood sugar makes your body retain weight. Processed white carbs are just longing to move into your butt and take up permanent residency.

When I learned I was diabetic I went on freak out mode and did a very stupid thing. For several weeks I did not exceed 600 calories in a day. My husband came home from work to find me passed out in the front lawn, and he stood over me screaming like a drill sergeant until I drank fruit juice. After that (and after getting my butt handed to me by my husband, his mother and several friends) I saw a nutritionist. In any given day I try not to exceed 180 grams of carb in a day, and most days keep between 1500 and 1800 calories. I have also lost 96 pounds in the past 15 months, and this is while also recovering from a surgery that kept me off the fitness machines for several months.

 
And one more thing, then I'll shut up--it is neither weak, nor silly, nor indicative of something "wrong" to get any kind of professional help. When my toilet breaks, I call a plumber. I don't have it in me to fix my can, and by the same token the plumber can't crochet a pretty doily. Counselors and doctors have the skill and tools to help fix something in your life that's broken, be it a bone or the human spirit. It is not a disgrace and it is high time that we as a culture end this stigma surrounding mental health and its treatment.

 
Do you have insurance? If so find a therapist who takes it.  You will still have a copay but not a $100 one.

What you are describing with the calories is mathematically impossible.  I know you are going through and tough time and am 100% not trying to be mean, but even if you had a medical condition, if you were burning 2000 calories and taking in 1400 you'd have lost weight as your net calories would have been negative and your body would have needed to use something. This is true no matter what else could be going on. Starvation mode is sort of a thing but would not have happened at what it sounds like your weight is or at the beginning of a weight loss effort. That also would have been really unhealthy to be netting negative calories.  Again, I am really not trying to be mean, but either you are overestimating how much you are burning, or you are underestimating how much you are eating.  Do you weigh things on a food scale? Also what on earth are you doing to burn 1000-2000 calories a day? 

I am not meaning to sound overly skeptical but for a while I worked with people who were trying to lose weight and what you are describing seems literally impossible given everything I know and have seen. I second the suggestions to see a doctor and nutritionist and add a suggestion to buy a food scale and use it.

 
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Everyone's advice here is spot on. If you're really exercising and eating as well as you say you are,  you SHOULD see a difference.

I've lost about 15 pounds since January merely by cutting out sugars (bread, pasta, pop, everything) and doing mild exercising (burning about 300 calories) 3 times a week. My meals are usually just meat and vegetables.

Also if your family is ostracizing you, they need to understand that weight loss takes time, like I said, its taken me like six months to lose 15 pounds. I probably could've lost more with a more extreme diet, but I'm trying to make life changes I will use forever, not some crash diet that I'm not going to stay with forever (like keto). They also need to understand that a huge part of it is having support around you, I had to tell my fiance "look, i'm really serious about eating healthy, quit suggesting really bad takeout for us for dinner" - so they can actually be a huge help in you losing weight if that's something you want.

 
I think everyone deserves unconditional love from their families! I've been making healthy choices and I exercise but for me this is a very slow descend, I'm just happy to be more aware and making better decisions for the long run. I think its unfortunate that your family has gone to the extreme.

there's a number of reasons why it may be difficult for people to lose weight. I've seen some fitness pages where people burn 1000-2000 calories, but they're eating 4,000-5,000 calories for different fitness goals and so they can survive since all that work will really take it out of you! Are you sure you're not overestimating your calories burned? Those heart rate monitors on gym machines aren't entirely accurate, same goes with FitBit type items (as they over estimate your movement).

 
Do you have insurance? If so find a therapist who takes it.  You will still have a copay but not a $100 one.

What you are describing with the calories is mathematically impossible.  I know you are going through and tough time and am 100% not trying to be mean, but even if you had a medical condition, if you were burning 2000 calories and taking in 1400 you'd have lost weight as your net calories would have been negative and your body would have needed to use something. This is true no matter what else could be going on. Starvation mode is sort of a thing but would not have happened at what it sounds like your weight is or at the beginning of a weight loss effort. That also would have been really unhealthy to be netting negative calories.  Again, I am really not trying to be mean, but either you are overestimating how much you are burning, or you are underestimating how much you are eating.  Do you weigh things on a food scale? Also what on earth are you doing to burn 1000-2000 calories a day? 

I am not meaning to sound overly skeptical but for a while I worked with people who were trying to lose weight and what you are describing seems literally impossible given everything I know and have seen. I second the suggestions to see a doctor and nutritionist and add a suggestion to buy a food scale and use it.
I'd like to chime in from personal experience.  There are certain things that totally negate the logic of calories in being less than calories burned = weight loss. Certain medications and a thyroid issue (as well as certain recreational drugs) will TOTALLY negate that effect.  I was on a medication that caused me to gain 30 lbs and no matter how healthy I ate and counted calories or how much I ran or worked out to build muscle, i could not lose the excess weight.  Once I was off the medication, the weight literally fell off.  @ are you on medication?  

Also, @ is correct, if you are using a fitbit or that type of activity tracker, you have to calibrate it to your steps on a known distance course (like a high school track) to get a GENERALLY accurate calories burned count or distance covered measurement.  I use one and the distance and calories burned is totally off. I only know this because I've been a runner pretty much all my life with the exception of the last 4 years due to injury and I have a general idea of my calories burned per day depending on what I do.

Regardless of your weight, you should be unconditionally loved.  I second, third, fourth, the rest of the suggestions the ladies have given you regarding seeing a therapist and getting a thorough check up by a doctor.  Yes, of course it is scary, we all fear the worst and unknown but it's better to know if something is wrong so you can treat it, rather than letting it fester and get worse.  

 
BTW, according to my fitbit, I've burned 1400 calories sitting on my porch typing for 2 hours while on MUT!!!  Yes, FitBits can be way off!!

 

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