I'm tired of people thinking I'm weak because I was abused :(

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Joined
Nov 3, 2013
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I don't tell many people that I was in an abusive relationship. The people I have told though, they look at me as if I'm a weak person and then they look down on me as if something is wrong with me. Wake up everyday and I try to put myself back out there again which is a very good thing. Even started watching films and horror movies again. I've always been big on films ever since I was younger. Remember watching E.T. and The Goonies and wanting to go outside and pretend that I was in the movie. Sometimes I'd say randomly, Let's play E.T. and everyone would play different characters. 

When I was abused I was treated horribly and he'd make fun of me and put me down anytime when we were alone. The whole time I thought I wasn't good enough and I constantly blamed myself anytime he abused me. Many people think I'm weak and thought I could have left anytime I wanted too. Anytime I tried, he threatened to kill me or I took him back because he started crying and I felt so horrible. He was my first love and it crushed me to hear him cry because I'm such a compassionate person.

I'm so tired of people thinking I'm weak. Many people keep telling me to stop worrying so much and as of right now I'm working with my therapist about this. Hope I didn't upset anyone.... I just needed to get this out of my mind because sometimes I cry when I'm alone and I really wish I had some more female friends in my life to be honest. I miss going out and shopping and giggling. I miss it so much. So many years of my life was wasted because of my abuser. I've come across many girls who obsess over Tate Langdon from AHS and anytime I tell them my boyfriend was exactly like him, they tell me I'm making it up and just jealous of them because their happy and I'm not.  :( /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> Remember when there was a time when my boyfriend yelled at me on top of his lungs and I cried in the bathroom thinking to myself, "How did I get here? I thought he loved me...." Than the next moment he apologized and said he was sorry and that he would change for me. He would be be fine for a week or two, than he'd go back to being mean to me. Sometimes I even blamed myself and thought I deserved it....

 
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