- Joined
- Apr 30, 2004
- Messages
- 13
- Reaction score
- 0
10 Things You Don't Know About Women
By Courteney Cox
1. Pull your pants up. You're not 15, you're not a rapper, and we need to see the shape of your ass.
2. Pull your pants down. You're not 85, you're not an accountant, and we don't need to see the shape of your balls.
3. Breasts are not a speed bump to the promised land.
4. Yes, we want you to be more verbal. No, burping doesn't count.
5. Kissing is something that you need to stay engaged in, even if all the blood is rushing out of your head and into other parts of your body.
6. Speaking of which, though it might make for a cool carnival sideshow, our entire face will not fit inside your mouth, and thus this makes for lousy kissing.
7. If we're crying and you're holding us and get a hard-on, we automatically deduct points.
8. And getting a boner while we're sleeping next to you is not an excuse to wake us up. This is not what they mean by serendipity.
9. We pay closer attention to your hands than you think. It's bad enough if you don't have manly hands, but if your nails are longer than ours, forget it.
10. You don't get a vote in the preferred shape of our pubic hair. Until you've had hot wax poured all over your crotch, you're merely a passenger on that flight.
10 Things You Don't Know About Women
By Julia Louis-Dreyfus
1. We know what you're doing when you put your hand in your pocket.
2. We think it's okay if you get fat and go bald. Please do us the same courtesy.
3. When we say we "almost tried that in college," it means we did. At least twice.
4. When we start getting undressed in front of you with the lights on, it means we've lost interest.
5. No, that is not our ********, but please -- keep trying.
6. If you're funny, we will sleep with you.
7. Your Christopher Walken impression does nothing for us sexually.
8. Of course we know how to work the TiVo. We're not stupid.
9. We know: You just push the Select button and then the Play button.
10. Yes, that's the Play button. We can read. Oh, no, sorry, that's the Input button. Forget it. This is impossible. You do it.
10 Things You Don't Know About Women
By Sela Ward
1. Remember in old movies when women used to swoon and "take to the bed" for days at a time? That never happens. We're stronger than that. That being said, if we ever decide to "take to the bed" for days at a time, there's not a thing you can do about it.
2. Sometimes we think we really understand men. Then we regain consciousness.
3. Superskinny women really irritate us. We hate when they say, "Sometimes I just forget to eat." Now, I've forgotten my anniversary and where I parked my car. But I've never forgotten to eat.
4. We do like to have sex, just not at midnight when we have to get up at the crack of dawn to feed two kids, three dogs, and a pair of fat goldfish.
5. We'll gladly agree to stop complaining about our "time of the month" if men will kindly take over the little chores of childbearing, morning sickness, and postpartum emotional swings. Deal?
6. Women really do want to be on time. It's just that everything starts so darned early.
7. We know high heels are sexy, but we'll take our comfy black Uggs any day of the week.
8. Homespun wisdom from someone who knows: Just because we're southern belles doesn't mean we have bats in our belfries.
9. We really do like to cook. It's just that we cooked so much for our boyfriends before we got married that we're sick of being in the kitchen. Sorry you missed it.
10. Men are free to think they're the boss, as long as they know we're the chairman of the board
By Courteney Cox
1. Pull your pants up. You're not 15, you're not a rapper, and we need to see the shape of your ass.
2. Pull your pants down. You're not 85, you're not an accountant, and we don't need to see the shape of your balls.
3. Breasts are not a speed bump to the promised land.
4. Yes, we want you to be more verbal. No, burping doesn't count.
5. Kissing is something that you need to stay engaged in, even if all the blood is rushing out of your head and into other parts of your body.
6. Speaking of which, though it might make for a cool carnival sideshow, our entire face will not fit inside your mouth, and thus this makes for lousy kissing.
7. If we're crying and you're holding us and get a hard-on, we automatically deduct points.
8. And getting a boner while we're sleeping next to you is not an excuse to wake us up. This is not what they mean by serendipity.
9. We pay closer attention to your hands than you think. It's bad enough if you don't have manly hands, but if your nails are longer than ours, forget it.
10. You don't get a vote in the preferred shape of our pubic hair. Until you've had hot wax poured all over your crotch, you're merely a passenger on that flight.
10 Things You Don't Know About Women
By Julia Louis-Dreyfus
1. We know what you're doing when you put your hand in your pocket.
2. We think it's okay if you get fat and go bald. Please do us the same courtesy.
3. When we say we "almost tried that in college," it means we did. At least twice.
4. When we start getting undressed in front of you with the lights on, it means we've lost interest.
5. No, that is not our ********, but please -- keep trying.
6. If you're funny, we will sleep with you.
7. Your Christopher Walken impression does nothing for us sexually.
8. Of course we know how to work the TiVo. We're not stupid.
9. We know: You just push the Select button and then the Play button.
10. Yes, that's the Play button. We can read. Oh, no, sorry, that's the Input button. Forget it. This is impossible. You do it.
10 Things You Don't Know About Women
By Sela Ward
1. Remember in old movies when women used to swoon and "take to the bed" for days at a time? That never happens. We're stronger than that. That being said, if we ever decide to "take to the bed" for days at a time, there's not a thing you can do about it.
2. Sometimes we think we really understand men. Then we regain consciousness.
3. Superskinny women really irritate us. We hate when they say, "Sometimes I just forget to eat." Now, I've forgotten my anniversary and where I parked my car. But I've never forgotten to eat.
4. We do like to have sex, just not at midnight when we have to get up at the crack of dawn to feed two kids, three dogs, and a pair of fat goldfish.
5. We'll gladly agree to stop complaining about our "time of the month" if men will kindly take over the little chores of childbearing, morning sickness, and postpartum emotional swings. Deal?
6. Women really do want to be on time. It's just that everything starts so darned early.
7. We know high heels are sexy, but we'll take our comfy black Uggs any day of the week.
8. Homespun wisdom from someone who knows: Just because we're southern belles doesn't mean we have bats in our belfries.
9. We really do like to cook. It's just that we cooked so much for our boyfriends before we got married that we're sick of being in the kitchen. Sorry you missed it.
10. Men are free to think they're the boss, as long as they know we're the chairman of the board
/emoticons/
