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Giving Your Toddler A Sense Of Security
It's very important for a child to know that her parents love and support her unconditionally for who she is. Don't say things like 'Mommy won't love you if you do that' and never threaten that you will go away if she behaves badly.
Implied withdrawal of love is also to be avoided so don't give her the silent treatment or turn away when she speaks to you. Teach ways of dealing with conflict by example. Tackle problems in an open and constructive way rather than resorting to sulking and undermining.
Arguments and Anxieties
Toddlers are very sensitive to stress at home so try not to argue in front of them. If there is conflict between you and your partner, make sure that each of you has time for your family. Anxieties about work, health or family problems will unsettle children so don't share these anxieties.
At the same time, make sure they don't get a half-baked version of what's going on. Overheard conversations can upset little ones who may misunderstand or exaggerate their significance. If there are major changes ahead, let them know as soon as you can.
Don't anticipate bad things
If potentially unsettling situations are looming, try to prepare your toddler but don't raise fears she may otherwise not have thought about. If you tell her 'There's absolutely no reason to be frightened of starting at playgroup' - your child will begin wondering what kind of frightening things might be lurking there.
Children dislike change
If your toddler shows resistance to change, don't try to tease her out of her fears or deny them. Children differ. Some children seem fearless in new situations and others will take time to adjust. If your child holds back in new situations, don't force her. Stay with her and support her until she settles into the new situation.
The critical attachment period
From 7 months onwards, a baby begins to show signs of close attachment to one special person, usually to mum. This isn't a good time to introduce a new primary carer without sufficient lead-in time. Choose someone who interacts warmly and sensitively with your toddler and allow sufficient time for them to get used to each other. T he intensity of attachment peaks between 12-18 months and is followed by increasing independence and self-assertion.
Build a security network
The best security mechanism is a close, caring security network of family and friends. A toddler's main attachment is usually to mum but children also form attachments to other members of the family - dad, brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts, grandparents, childminders and carers. If you have to go away, there will be many others with whom your toddler feels safe. It's also reassuring for you to know that you're leaving your child with someone he knows and loves - and who knows and loves him!
It's very important for a child to know that her parents love and support her unconditionally for who she is. Don't say things like 'Mommy won't love you if you do that' and never threaten that you will go away if she behaves badly.
Implied withdrawal of love is also to be avoided so don't give her the silent treatment or turn away when she speaks to you. Teach ways of dealing with conflict by example. Tackle problems in an open and constructive way rather than resorting to sulking and undermining.
Arguments and Anxieties
Toddlers are very sensitive to stress at home so try not to argue in front of them. If there is conflict between you and your partner, make sure that each of you has time for your family. Anxieties about work, health or family problems will unsettle children so don't share these anxieties.
At the same time, make sure they don't get a half-baked version of what's going on. Overheard conversations can upset little ones who may misunderstand or exaggerate their significance. If there are major changes ahead, let them know as soon as you can.
Don't anticipate bad things
If potentially unsettling situations are looming, try to prepare your toddler but don't raise fears she may otherwise not have thought about. If you tell her 'There's absolutely no reason to be frightened of starting at playgroup' - your child will begin wondering what kind of frightening things might be lurking there.
Children dislike change
If your toddler shows resistance to change, don't try to tease her out of her fears or deny them. Children differ. Some children seem fearless in new situations and others will take time to adjust. If your child holds back in new situations, don't force her. Stay with her and support her until she settles into the new situation.
The critical attachment period
From 7 months onwards, a baby begins to show signs of close attachment to one special person, usually to mum. This isn't a good time to introduce a new primary carer without sufficient lead-in time. Choose someone who interacts warmly and sensitively with your toddler and allow sufficient time for them to get used to each other. T he intensity of attachment peaks between 12-18 months and is followed by increasing independence and self-assertion.
Build a security network
The best security mechanism is a close, caring security network of family and friends. A toddler's main attachment is usually to mum but children also form attachments to other members of the family - dad, brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts, grandparents, childminders and carers. If you have to go away, there will be many others with whom your toddler feels safe. It's also reassuring for you to know that you're leaving your child with someone he knows and loves - and who knows and loves him!
