This is for all ladies married to MEN That love Cabellas!

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For all you gals that have a hubbie or B/Fthat love Cabellas! Enjoy!

OUCH

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE READ IN A LONG TIME! PLEASE TAKE THE

TIME TO READ THIS...YOU'LL ENJOY IT!!! (only a man would do this)

(Gals -you have got to read the whole thing if you can keep the tears out

of your eyes)

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his

lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &Pawn Shop that sparked my

interest. The occasion was our 22nd Anniversary, and I was looking for a

little something 'extra' for my wife. What I came across was a

100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were

supposed to be shor t lived, with no long-term adverse effect on the

assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOOCOOL!

Long story short, I bought the device, and brought it home. I loaded two

triple-A batteries in the thing, and pushed the button. Nothing! I was

disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed

it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of

electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to the wife what that burn spot is

on

the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it

couldn't be all THAT bad, with only two triple-A batteries, right?!!!

There I sat in my recliner with my cat, Gracie, looking on intently

(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions, and thinking

that I really needed to try this thing out on a f lesh &blood moving

target.

I must admit, I thought about zapping Gracie, (for only a fraction of a

second) and

then thought better of it. She's such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to

give this thing to my wife to protect her against a mugger, I did want

some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top, with my reading

glasses perched

delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in

another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and

disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle

spasms, and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would

purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of

water. Any burst longer than three second s would just be wasting the

batteries.

All the while, I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long,

less than 3/4 inch in cir***ference; (pretty cute really, and loaded with

two little itty bitty tiny triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'NO

possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. I'm

sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side

as

if to say, 'Don't do it master,' reasoning that a one-second burst from

such a tiny little 'ol thing couldn't POSSIBLY hurt all that bad... I

decided to give myself a one-second burst, just for the heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY

MOTHER

OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%! I'm pretty sure Jessie

Ven tura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then

body slammed us both on the carpet, over, and over, and over, and over

again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side, in the fetal position, with

tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles

nowhere to be found, wit h my left arm tucked und er my body in the

;oddest

position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making

meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, and undoubtedly

thinking to herself, 'do it again, do it again!'

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note

of caution: there is NO SUCH THING as a 'one-second burst', when you zap

yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from

your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second b urst

would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-%#&**%#... that hurt!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at

that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up, and

surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the

fireplace. (How did they up get there???) My triceps, right thigh, and

both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up

with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my

testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

and shame on you if you run out and buy your husband one

 
What's funny is I love Cabelas and I own a stungun!! Lol. But I'm not dumb enough to try it on myself!! Hahaha

 

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