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- Nov 7, 2007
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For all you gals that have a hubbie or B/Fthat love Cabellas! Enjoy!
OUCH
THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE READ IN A LONG TIME! PLEASE TAKE THE
TIME TO READ THIS...YOU'LL ENJOY IT!!! (only a man would do this)
(Gals -you have got to read the whole thing if you can keep the tears out
of your eyes)
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his
lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &Pawn Shop that sparked my
interest. The occasion was our 22nd Anniversary, and I was looking for a
little something 'extra' for my wife. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
supposed to be shor t lived, with no long-term adverse effect on the
assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOOCOOL!
Long story short, I bought the device, and brought it home. I loaded two
triple-A batteries in the thing, and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed
it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of
electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to the wife what that burn spot is
on
the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all THAT bad, with only two triple-A batteries, right?!!!
There I sat in my recliner with my cat, Gracie, looking on intently
(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions, and thinking
that I really needed to try this thing out on a f lesh &blood moving
target.
I must admit, I thought about zapping Gracie, (for only a fraction of a
second) and
then thought better of it. She's such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to
give this thing to my wife to protect her against a mugger, I did want
some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top, with my reading
glasses perched
delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in
another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and
disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle
spasms, and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
water. Any burst longer than three second s would just be wasting the
batteries.
All the while, I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long,
less than 3/4 inch in cir***ference; (pretty cute really, and loaded with
two little itty bitty tiny triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'NO
possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. I'm
sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side
as
if to say, 'Don't do it master,' reasoning that a one-second burst from
such a tiny little 'ol thing couldn't POSSIBLY hurt all that bad... I
decided to give myself a one-second burst, just for the heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY
MOTHER
OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%! I'm pretty sure Jessie
Ven tura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then
body slammed us both on the carpet, over, and over, and over, and over
again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side, in the fetal position, with
tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
nowhere to be found, wit h my left arm tucked und er my body in the
;oddest
position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making
meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, and undoubtedly
thinking to herself, 'do it again, do it again!'
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note
of caution: there is NO SUCH THING as a 'one-second burst', when you zap
yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from
your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second b urst
would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-%#&**%#... that hurt!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up, and
surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the
fireplace. (How did they up get there???) My triceps, right thigh, and
both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up
with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my
testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
and shame on you if you run out and buy your husband one
OUCH
THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE READ IN A LONG TIME! PLEASE TAKE THE
TIME TO READ THIS...YOU'LL ENJOY IT!!! (only a man would do this)
(Gals -you have got to read the whole thing if you can keep the tears out
of your eyes)
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his
lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &Pawn Shop that sparked my
interest. The occasion was our 22nd Anniversary, and I was looking for a
little something 'extra' for my wife. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
supposed to be shor t lived, with no long-term adverse effect on the
assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOOCOOL!
Long story short, I bought the device, and brought it home. I loaded two
triple-A batteries in the thing, and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed
it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of
electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to the wife what that burn spot is
on
the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all THAT bad, with only two triple-A batteries, right?!!!
There I sat in my recliner with my cat, Gracie, looking on intently
(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions, and thinking
that I really needed to try this thing out on a f lesh &blood moving
target.
I must admit, I thought about zapping Gracie, (for only a fraction of a
second) and
then thought better of it. She's such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to
give this thing to my wife to protect her against a mugger, I did want
some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top, with my reading
glasses perched
delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in
another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and
disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle
spasms, and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
water. Any burst longer than three second s would just be wasting the
batteries.
All the while, I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long,
less than 3/4 inch in cir***ference; (pretty cute really, and loaded with
two little itty bitty tiny triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'NO
possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. I'm
sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side
as
if to say, 'Don't do it master,' reasoning that a one-second burst from
such a tiny little 'ol thing couldn't POSSIBLY hurt all that bad... I
decided to give myself a one-second burst, just for the heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY
MOTHER
OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%! I'm pretty sure Jessie
Ven tura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then
body slammed us both on the carpet, over, and over, and over, and over
again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side, in the fetal position, with
tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
nowhere to be found, wit h my left arm tucked und er my body in the
;oddest
position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making
meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, and undoubtedly
thinking to herself, 'do it again, do it again!'
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note
of caution: there is NO SUCH THING as a 'one-second burst', when you zap
yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from
your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second b urst
would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-%#&**%#... that hurt!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up, and
surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the
fireplace. (How did they up get there???) My triceps, right thigh, and
both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up
with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my
testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
and shame on you if you run out and buy your husband one