Date: Dec. 25, 2008. To: Elvin Puckinski. Address: 911 Snow Job Lane, North Pole.
Dear Elvin:
I sincerely regret to inform you that your employment at Santa's Workshop will be terminated as of Dec. 26, 2008.
As you know, the Downsizing Christmas Task Force presented its report in late November.
Among its recommendations was the elimination of several part-time positions.
As you work only eight (8) hours a day, three hundred and sixty-four (364) days a year, your job qualifies as "part-time."
Elvin has ...
I would like to make it perfectly clear that in no way does your termination indicate that the company is displeased with your work performance over the past one hundred and twenty-two (122) years.
In fact, you have been regarded as one of our most loyal toy makers.
The fact that you and other toy staff are being let go is merely a reflection of the general economic downturn in our industry over the past year, caused in no small part by the bust of the igloo bubble.
That and other factors are forcing us to confront economic realities for the coming year.
Among those realities: Sadly, giving away a bazillion free toys just is not as profitable as it used to be.
We have been forced to make several painful cuts.
As you know, I am already down to six (6) tiny reindeer and a stand-in goat who's afraid of heights.
On the up side, Dancer has an audition with the Rockettes, and Blitzen should be out of rehab by April.
And I'm told that, any day now, Rudolph will finish that novel.
... left the building
We are also outsourcing some work. Your work, in fact.
To soften the blow of termination, the company has devised a severance arrangement that gives one (1) week's supply of candy canes for each year worked beyond one hundred (100) years.
In your case, this will amount to twenty-two (22) weeks of severance candy.
Your health and dental coverage will remain in effect until the end of that period, barring any pre-existing medical conditions or tooth decay.
Details on the severance package will be sent to your home address from the Elfin Resources Department.
Elvin, given your qualifications and proven abilities, I am confident that you will be able to find another position before this century is out.
If I may be so bold as to interject my personal opinion, I believe you would make a great lawn ornament or chimney brush.
I would be pleased to write a recommendation letter for you, to help with your quest for a new career as you approach your one hundred and fifty-eighth (158th) birthday.
Best wishes, Elvin, to you, your wife and your seventy-three (73) children.
Sincerely,
Santa "Nick" Claus
Dear Elvin:
I sincerely regret to inform you that your employment at Santa's Workshop will be terminated as of Dec. 26, 2008.
As you know, the Downsizing Christmas Task Force presented its report in late November.
Among its recommendations was the elimination of several part-time positions.
As you work only eight (8) hours a day, three hundred and sixty-four (364) days a year, your job qualifies as "part-time."
Elvin has ...
I would like to make it perfectly clear that in no way does your termination indicate that the company is displeased with your work performance over the past one hundred and twenty-two (122) years.
In fact, you have been regarded as one of our most loyal toy makers.
The fact that you and other toy staff are being let go is merely a reflection of the general economic downturn in our industry over the past year, caused in no small part by the bust of the igloo bubble.
That and other factors are forcing us to confront economic realities for the coming year.
Among those realities: Sadly, giving away a bazillion free toys just is not as profitable as it used to be.
We have been forced to make several painful cuts.
As you know, I am already down to six (6) tiny reindeer and a stand-in goat who's afraid of heights.
On the up side, Dancer has an audition with the Rockettes, and Blitzen should be out of rehab by April.
And I'm told that, any day now, Rudolph will finish that novel.
... left the building
We are also outsourcing some work. Your work, in fact.
To soften the blow of termination, the company has devised a severance arrangement that gives one (1) week's supply of candy canes for each year worked beyond one hundred (100) years.
In your case, this will amount to twenty-two (22) weeks of severance candy.
Your health and dental coverage will remain in effect until the end of that period, barring any pre-existing medical conditions or tooth decay.
Details on the severance package will be sent to your home address from the Elfin Resources Department.
Elvin, given your qualifications and proven abilities, I am confident that you will be able to find another position before this century is out.
If I may be so bold as to interject my personal opinion, I believe you would make a great lawn ornament or chimney brush.
I would be pleased to write a recommendation letter for you, to help with your quest for a new career as you approach your one hundred and fifty-eighth (158th) birthday.
Best wishes, Elvin, to you, your wife and your seventy-three (73) children.
Sincerely,
Santa "Nick" Claus
