Would you tell your friend..

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Ok girlies, i need some advice on this one. I found out from my younger sister that my best friends (used to be my best friend we're not as close anymore) younger sister is having sex. Now here's the problem. My best friends younger sister is only 13 and my sister said that she's known now as the town slut and they call her gang "the BJ gang" because supposedly at the weekends they give BJ's to anybody who wants them just for fun.

Now i know for a fact that if my sister was doing this (at 13) i'd want to know because i'd want to kill her first, then probably talk to her about it & get her to see what she's doing is wrong etc..

I was at my friends house the other day and she said that her sister (the girl in question) has been in a lot of trouble in school recently and she asked me if my sister had heard any stories etc.. I said no straight out because i'm not sure if i should tell her or not.

One part of me is saying "tell her, you'd want to know" but then i'm thinking "its none of your business Laura" and also i know my friend will go completely mad and tell her parents and i know in the heat of the moment she'd say something like "laura told me this..." and i dont want to be involved.

Hope you can still follow what i'm saying! Sorry for rambling. Any suggestions? Should i tell her or keep my mouth shut.

 
This is a hard one. Personally if it were my sister, I would want to know. I don't think you are butting in if you are friends with her sister (even if you have grown apart), and by her telling you that the younger sister is having problems in school is a warning sign that something else may not be right. Her going around looking for innapropriate male attention could stem from other issues, and her older sister should be the one to confront her about it, especially if they are close. I know I would rather talk about personal things to my older sister than my parents! So you don't come off as 'the bad guy' maybe you should go out with the sister alone, and say, 'I am not trying to upset you, but such and such is going on with your sister, and I wanted you to know so that you could help her." She may get angry or refuse to believe you, but in the end she would thank you because giving random boys BJ's at 13 certainly isn't healthy for her self-esteem, and could really damage any future relationship she could have. Sorry, now I'm rambling. Good luck with what you decide to do.

 
The only thing i dont want to happen is for my friend to flip out at her sister and then say she heard all these stories from me. But i know i cant trust her to keep her mouth shut. Thats part of the reason we're not so close anymore. She acts like a brat herself at home and i always hated that. I appreciate your advice though Anne. I dont think there'll be a problem with her believing me because she has made comments about her younger sisters friends being bad news..

 
OMG....giving BJ´s to random guys at 13? that sounds terrible. If I was in your position I´d tell my friend ASAP. I don´t think this would ruin her friendship, just imagine she finds out you knew all this and DIDN`T tell her. after all that girl is only 13 and you never know what other things she does. not even mentioning the STDs she could get from the random guys.

this is some pretty scary behavior for a 13year old, I believe if she´s willing to do this then she´d be willing to do much worse stuff. I would definitely tell your friend about this so that something can be done to save her from a lot of future trouble.

 
Hi Laura, you know what chineese whisper's are like, by the time you hear the real story, it has been exagerated, twisted and had added bits to it.

If i were you i would go Direct to the girl. Try and gently talk to her about the story's rumours etc.I would DO that first before telling anyone else. If this is true the girl is obviously in crisis and it will need to be dealt with by adults and killing her won't help either. After talking to her, make sure she is SAFE (even if it means giving her condoms). You could be saving her life by being approchable and you might be the only one she trusts.

 
Would this young girl trust you enough to open up to you? If so, talking directly to her might be a good idea, or it might not. Your friend could find out and get mad at you for butting in. Only you know the girls and how they might react.

Another way you could approach it is to say to your friend that you heard a rumor but that you don't always trust rumors and think that she should ask other people and investigate before tearing into her sister incase it is not true. As the other post said, rumers can get totally distorted by the time they reach you.

I am sure in the end you'll do what is right for you Laura. Trust your instincts.

 
I dont think i could talk to my friends sister at all.. She'd honestly tell me to f*** off and it was none of my business. I've been thinking about this all week and i really dont know what to do. I'm afraid to tell my friend because i know she'll fly off the handle at her sister and could make things worse..

 
Hi Laura, You are in a tricky situation and having read your feelings and thoughts, i would now suggest that you do speak to her Mother but gently.

I would say you had heard rumours and weren't sure if they were true or not.If you feel able you could try and talk to this girl, tell her straight, she talks to you or she talks to her Mother.Give her the oppertunity (if u feel up to it). If not then obviously someone needs to be told or something bad could happen and if it did you would feel responisble.Better to be safe than sorry.

 
Hi Laura, i was just wondering how things were with your friends Sister? You must be stressed and worried about her. I hope everything is working out ok?

 
Tell! Tell now. 13 is a baby, too young to deal with the emotional ramifications of sex and possible health risks.There is obviously something else going on there. I know if it was my daughter, I would want to know. Also, would be glad the if she didn't want to talk to me about it, that she was at least talking to someone. This is about women empowerment and not needing validation from men. This 13 year old is looking for something that she's not getting elsewhere. even if nothing changes or people get pissed at you, the seed has still been planted, and hopefully this child will get what she needs.

 
if i were you id tell. she needs to know what her sister is up to, and something needs to be done before she gets an STD or something!

 
I think you definitely need to talk to her about what you've heard. I know it's a difficult thing to tell someone but for her sister's sake, you should tell her. She's too young to be engaging such acts and it sounds like she may have other issues. Thirteen year old girls don't go around giving random guys blow jobs unless they've got some kind of self esteem issues or some home/school problems. Besides the whole reputation thing, which will be extremely hard to shake if it sticks and the girl will be scarred, there are serious health concerns. STDs being the obvious one, not to mention AIDS and pregnancy.

Tell her what you've heard. The truth has a way of getting exagerrated and twisted so it may not all be true. Regardless, she should know what's being said and talk to her sister. I definitely would want to know if it were my sister. G'luck and let us know what you decide.

 
Hi, Im new here but wanted to say you seem like a great friend and good person. I would want to know If my sister was doing this. She could get hurt. I would tell your friend. good luck.

Michelle
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gosh, i hope you were able to tell your friend about her sister. Someone needs to. Teen years are so effing hard anyway and she is just going to be making it so much worse on herself. Thirteen isn't even high school.

It's so sad when young girls think that this is the way to get boys to like them.
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Hi Laura,

Since it was your friend who asked you first, then I think that there's nothing wrong with telling her about what you've heard regarding her sister. I mean, it was she who solicited the information and you just answered her. Just be brief with the story, its up to her to find out the rest.

Katt

 
Originally Posted by Pauline Hi Laura, you know what chineese whisper's are like, by the time you hear the real story, it has been exagerated, twisted and had added bits to it.If i were you i would go Direct to the girl. Try and gently talk to her about the story's rumours etc.I would DO that first before telling anyone else. If this is true the girl is obviously in crisis and it will need to be dealt with by adults and killing her won't help either. After talking to her, make sure she is SAFE (even if it means giving her condoms). You could be saving her life by being approchable and you might be the only one she trusts.

Laura:
This is certainly difficult. I agree with Pauline about the part of going to the girl directly and gently but firmly try to discuss this. The girl may also be using illegal drugs. Try to tell her that her conduct would break her family's hearts if they knew. However, I would emphasize that you feel guilty by not informing them. Stress how you care and don't want her health and reputation ruined. I think you would feel better if you tried this approach. She will probably deny everything, but let her know that you mean business because you don't want her to throw her life away, and that you will go to her sister if necessary. Good luck.

Petite Syrah

 
Originally Posted by Laura I dont think i could talk to my friends sister at all.. She'd honestly tell me to f*** off and it was none of my business. I've been thinking about this all week and i really dont know what to do. I'm afraid to tell my friend because i know she'll fly off the handle at her sister and could make things worse.. How would she fly off the handle? At you or at her sister? What happens if the younger sister gets in serious trouble? Do you think you would feel guilty for not at least trying to prevent it? How secure is the relationship between you and your friend...do you completely trust one another?
Petite Syrah

 

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